170+ Funny Phrases, Idioms, Quotes, & Sayings

PDF download Download Article
Plus, learn a few funny phrases in Latin
PDF download Download Article

Cracking up your family, friends, or coworkers with a perfectly timed funny phrase is just so darned satisfying. The real problem is knowing what to say. That’s why we came up with a list of over 170 funny phrases for parents , kids , best friends , your significant other , and more! Plus, we’ve added some hilarious English idioms and euphemisms as well as funny phrases in Latin to help you take your sense of humor to the next level.

Top Funny Phrases

  • Earth is like an insane asylum for the universe.
  • Don't regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
  • ERROR 404: Motivation not found.
  • I need a 6-month vacation, twice a year.
  • If I were a serial killer, I’d kill you last.
  • Here I am! What are your other two wishes?
  • Carpe diem cras! – "Seize the day tomorrow!"
Section 1 of 15:

Short Funny Phrases

PDF download Download Article
  1. Get a quick laugh with a short, funny phrase. A quick dose of humor is the perfect way to get your heart pumping and release some happiness hormones in your brain. Just a few short—and hilarious—words can even help you bond with others and strengthen your relationship. [1] Show your quick wit with these short, funny phrases:
    • 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
    • Organized people are those who are just too lazy to find their things.
    • Running in place will get you nowhere fast.
    • Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems. But then again, neither does milk.
    • I have a clean conscience. I haven’t used it once.
    • I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.
    • Just take my advice because I’m not going to use it.
    • Earth is like an insane asylum for the universe.
    • I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
    • I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.
    • I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.
    • My tallest finger loves giving people standing ovations.
    2. Advertisement
Section 2 of 15:

Funny Phrases about Life

PDF download Download Article
  1. Laugh at the silly way life turns out with a funny phrase. Life has its ups and downs, but laughter can make navigating them way less stressful. [2] Try one of these funny phrases about life to help your friends and loved ones take life’s challenges in stride:
    • An apple a day keeps the doctor away...if you throw it hard enough!
    • I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is “Goodbye.”
    • I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
    • The trouble with being awesome is that opposites attract.
    • A true optimist is someone who falls off a skyscraper and, after 50 floors, thinks to themselves, “So far, so good!”
    • If you lend someone money and never see them again, it was probably worth every penny.
    • I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my food. I have no idea where sandwiches live.
    • Sarcasm helps keep people from understanding you’re saying what you really think of them.
    • Everyone has the right to be dumb. Some people abuse that privilege.
    • Refusing to go to the gym is one of the best forms of resistance training.
    • Whatever you’re doing, always give 100%... unless you’re donating blood.
    • A pessimist is someone who has spent too much time listening to optimists.
Section 3 of 15:

Funny Phrases about Aging

PDF download Download Article
  1. Poke fun at getting older with a funny phrase about aging. Laughing isn’t only good for those young whipper-snappers. It’s also great for older folks because it helps raise oxygen levels in your blood and releases the immune system’s T-cells. [3] So, use one of these funny phrases about aging to boost your mood and your health:
    • When we’re old, we should live in the same retirement home and cause trouble there.
    • The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget.
    • I’m at an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
    • I’m not aging, I’m marinating.
    • Don't regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
    • At my age, I’ve seen it all, done it all, heard it all…I just can’t remember it all.
    • You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
    • Exercise can add more years to your life. I just ran a mile, and I already feel like I’m 82.
    • I’m not aging, I’m just becoming a classic.
    • Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
    • Getting older is like living in a haunted house. Lots of creaking and groaning.
    • Every woman should marry an archaeologist, because the older she gets, the more he'll love her.
    2. Advertisement
Section 4 of 15:

Funny Phrases to Use on the Internet

PDF download Download Article
  1. Keep your followers in stitches by posting a funny phrase. Some experts believe that the Internet is responsible for making our attention spans shorter. [4] That means you have to use phrases that really grab people before they scroll on by. Try one of these funny phrases to make anyone LOL:
    • I speak fluent ironic with a solid sarcastic accent.
    • ERROR 404: Motivation not found.
    • I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
    • If we tell people the brain is an app, maybe they’ll start using it.
    • Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
    • I’d be offended, but I’m too busy correcting your grammar.
    • The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table, I was trying to make room for a pizza.
    • Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do anything.
    • People think I’m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they’re stupid).
    • Caution: I have no filter.
    • My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning.
    • 9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I’m crazy. The tenth is just humming.
Section 5 of 15:

Funny Work Phrases

PDF download Download Article
  1. Add a little laughter to your work day with the perfect funny phrase. Sometimes, the workday can seem to drag. Spice up your day—and make the time fly by—with a few of the funny work-appropriate jokes and phrases below:
    • I used up all of my sick leave, so I called in dead.
    • I’m out of my mind. I’ll be back in five minutes.
    • I have a job title, technically, but I just go by “Expert Email Sender.”
    • The best part of coming to work is going home at the end of the day.
    • Jokes about office supplies are fine, but rulers are where I draw the line.
    • A train station is where a train stops. A bus station is where a bus stops. I have a work station on my desk, so…
    • Working from home is just the technical term for keeping track of emails and acting like your cat isn’t the real boss.
    • I need a 6-month vacation, twice a year.
    • My email password was hacked. I guess it’s time to rename my cat again!
    • I respect the opinion of everyone who agrees with me.
    • If I’ve learned anything from this job, it’s how to look busy.
    • After Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
    2. Advertisement
Section 6 of 15:

Funny Inspirational Quotes

PDF download Download Article
  1. Use a funny quote to inspire them with a side of laughter. There’s no reason you can’t use laughter to help motivate the people around you. Humor can help draw people in and inspire them to overcome challenges and get engaged on serious social issues. [5] Help the people around you get motivated with one of these funny and inspirational phrases:
    • “The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
    • “Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path.” – Ellen DeGeneres
    • “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White
    • “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” – Graham Norton
    • “I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
    • “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
    • “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” – Mark Twain
    • “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” – Mae West
    • “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – Jack Handey
    • “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
    • “I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later.” – Mitch Hedberg
    • “Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey
Section 7 of 15:

Funny Phrases for Parents

PDF download Download Article
  1. Give your parents something to smile about with a funny phrase. Not only will it strengthen your relationship, but it can also help ease stress and tension—something that may come in handy when you’ve upset them. [6] Try one of the following funny phrases to help your parents see the humor in any situation:
    • I’m really jealous of you. I’ll never have a kid as cool, smart, and funny as you do.
    • Hello from the other side of the couch because I’m not getting up.
    • You’re so inspiring! You make me want to actually put my dirty laundry into the hamper instead of in a pile next to it.
    • You’ve always taught me to be independent. Thank you for giving me enough of your hard-earned money so I can be.
    • You moved around a lot when I was growing up, but I always found you.
    • I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.
    • Never underestimate your child’s ability to embarrass you.
    • I’m currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out, too, but the possibilities are endless.
    • Sorry, Mom. I do all my ironing in the dryer.
    • You guys are the only people who roast me at dinner and still expect me to do the dishes.
    • Please excuse my naivety. I was born at a very early age.
    2. Advertisement
Section 8 of 15:

Funny Phrases for Kids

PDF download Download Article
  1. Give kids a case of the giggles with an age-appropriate funny phrase. Kids love to laugh. Research has shown that kids often laugh up to 400 times a day while adults only laugh 15 times a day. [7] Take inspiration from their child-like joy—and add to it—with one of these funny kid-friendly phrases:
    • The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
    • It's difficult to do nothing because you never know when you're done.
    • I’m so glad we have brown cows. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be any chocolate milk.
    • Knock-knock. Who’s there? Owl. Owl who? Owl see you real soon.
    • I’m not always hungry; sometimes I’m sleepy, too.
    • Whatever is eating you must be really hungry.
    • Being an adult is like folding a sheet. No one really knows how to do it.
    • If history repeats itself, I'm getting a pet dinosaur.
    • I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
    • A balanced diet simply means having cupcakes in each hand.
    • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Section 9 of 15:

Funny Phrases for Extended Family

PDF download Download Article
  1. Lighten the mood at your family gatherings with a few funny phrases. Family reunions can be a little rough if you haven’t seen some of your extended family members for a while. Break the ice and give them a good laugh at the same time with one of these funny phrases that have to do with family relations:
    • I’m so glad this family is on my side. You would make terrifying enemies.
    • If I were a serial killer, I’d kill you last.
    • Nothing brings this family together like yelling, “Dinner’s ready!”
    • I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.
    • Remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice, normal family.
    • Hokey Pokey Rehab… It’s never too late to turn yourself around.
    • This family is temperamental—half temper, half mental.
    • You know what I'm thankful for? You…and Nutella.
    • We put the “fun” in “dysfunctional.”
    • I’d like to apologize to anyone I haven’t yet offended. Please be patient. I’ll get to you shortly.
    • A psychiatrist is someone who will charge you money for answers that you can get for free from your family.
    2. Advertisement
Section 10 of 15:

Funny Phrases for Best Friends

PDF download Download Article
  1. Send your ride-or-die a funny phrase to make them laugh out loud. We all have that one friend who will always stand by us no matter what comes our way. Show how much you appreciate having them as a friend by sharing a funny phrase for BFFs —like the ones below—to put a silly grin on their face:
    • A best friend is someone who clears your search history immediately after you die.
    • I’m so glad I managed to find a BFF as weird as I am!
    • If your friends don't make fun of you, they're not really your friends.
    • A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting in the cell with you.
    • You’re so annoying. You’re so weird. You’re so crazy. You’re so stupid. You’re so clingy. You’re…just like me!
    • I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that's dangerous. But a super humid room...well, not too humid, because, you know...my hair.
    • I’d be happy to give you a shoulder to cry on, except I don’t want my shoulder to get wet.
    • You’re my favorite person to be socially awkward with!
    • If we were on a plane about to crash and only had one parachute, I promise I'd give an amazing speech at your funeral.
    • I wanna be the reason you look at your phone and smile… then walk into a pole.
    • Always remember that you’re unique… just like everyone else is.
Section 11 of 15:

Funny Phrases for Your Significant Other

PDF download Download Article
  1. Strengthen your bond by laughing over a funny phrase. Having a great sense of humor not only attracts others to you, but it can also help bring you closer together and defuse conflict. [8] Pretty handy if you want to build a strong relationship with your sweetheart. So, go ahead and brighten their day with one of these funny phrases:
    • If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber!
    • I don’t have a library card, but I can check you out!
    • You must be a gardener because I love your two-lips.
    • Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling.
    • I can’t espresso how much you mean to me.
    • We’re not socks, but we make a great pair.
    • Was that an earthquake, or did you just rock my world?
    • I hope you know CPR because you take my breath away.
    • Don’t trip today. I’d hate to see you fall for someone else.
    • If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
    • Here I am! What are your other two wishes?
    2. Advertisement
Section 12 of 15:

Funny Movie Phrases & Quotes

PDF download Download Article
  1. Drop a favorite funny movie line to have them howling with laughter. No matter who you’re with, referencing a funny movie you both love is a great way to remind them of your bond. It also shows them that you know them well and understand their sense of humor. [9] Here are some hilarious funny phrases and quotes from movies to give you some ideas:
    • “Bye, Felicia.” – Craig, Friday
    • “Does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?” —John McClane, Die Hard
    • “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room.” – President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove
    • “You’re a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.” —Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story
    • “I’ve taken sponge baths in smaller bowls than that.” – Buck Laughlin, Best in Show
    • “I want to apologize. I'm not even confident on which end that came out of.” – Megan, Bridesmaids
    • “I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.” – Dr. Rumack, Airplane
    • “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” – Patches O’Houlihan, Dodgeball
    • “Oh right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people … I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs.” – Wanda, A Fish Called Wanda
    • “By all means, move at a glacial pace, you know how that thrills me.” – Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada
    • “These people are so posh and snobby, they’re snoshy.” – Peik Lin Goh, Crazy Rich Asians
Section 13 of 15:

Funny Phrases on Tombstones

PDF download Download Article
  1. Show your dark sense of humor with a funny phrase from a real tombstone. Some people always have to have the last laugh… even when they’re 6 feet under. Here are a few examples of real people who put something funny on their tombstone to deal with the heavy subject of death with wit and humor:
    • I told you I was sick. – William H. Hahn Jr., Princeton Cemetery, Princeton, NJ
    • ...There goes the neighborhood – Rodney Dangerfield, Pierce Brothers Westwood Village Memorial Park & Mortuary, Los Angeles, CA
    • Damn, it's dark down here. – Fran Thatcher, Prairie Mound Cemetery, Dane County, WI
    • I’m a writer but then nobody’s perfect – Billy Wilder, Pierce Brothers Westwood Village Memorial Park & Mortuary, Los Angeles, CA
    • This ain’t bad once you get used to it – Murphy Andrew Dreher Jr., Star Hill Cemetery, Louisiana
    • Go away—I’m asleep – Joan Hackett, Hollywood Forever Cemetery, Los Angeles, CA
    • Here lies the body of/ Jonathan Blake/ Stepped on the gas/ Instead of the brake – Jonathan Blake, Uniontown Cemetery in Uniontown, PA
    • What a way to lose weight – Frank Carson, Milltown Cemetery, Belfast, United Kingdom
    • Here lies Ezekiel Aikle/ Age 102/ The good die young. – Ezekiel Aikle, East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia
    • Let ‘er rip – Leslie Nielsen, Evergreen Cemetery, Fort Lauderdale, FL
    • I’d rather be reading this – Esther A. Freer, Oakwood Cemetery, Farmington, Michigan
    2. Advertisement
Section 14 of 15:

Funny Idioms & Euphemisms

PDF download Download Article
  1. Use a witty turn of phrase to make them laugh. An idiom is an expression that has a meaning that isn’t obvious from the words. For example, “under the weather” means “sick,” not “standing under a stormcloud.” [10] A euphemism is a word or phrase that’s used to make an unpleasant phrase less offensive. Both can result in some hilarious sayings, like:
    • Five-finger discount – Shoplifting
    • Building a log cabin – Defecating
    • Bats in his belfry – Crazy
    • Shark week – Menstruation
    • Putting lipstick on a pig – Try to make something ugly look good
    • 12 cans short of a 6-pack – Not very bright
    • It’s all Greek to me. – Something that’s hard to understand.
    • Cool as a cucumber – Calm and composed under pressure
    • When pigs fly – Something that’s unlikely
    • Put a sock in it. – Be quiet or stop talking
    • Dead as a doornail – Completely devoid of life
    • Chew the fat – Have a conversation
Section 15 of 15:

Funny Latin Phrases

PDF download Download Article
  1. Elevate your humor by sharing a funny phrase in Latin. Latin was a part of Western education from the Middle Ages to the mid-20th century, so it often implies someone is educated. [11] Sometimes, though, it can be hilarious. Use one of these funny Latin phrases to make your humor seem smarter:
    • Semper ubi sub-ubi! – Always wear underwear!
    • Velocius quam asparagi conquantur – Faster than you can cook asperagus
    • In vino veritas. – In wine, there is truth.
    • Tua mater latior quam Rubicon est. – Your mother is wider than the Rubicon.
    • Nemo saltat sobrius. – Nobody dances sober.
    • Barba tenus sapientes. – Wise as far as his beard.
    • Satine caloris tibi est? – Hot enough for you?
    • Carpe diem cras! – Seize the day tomorrow!
    • Noli timere messorem. – Don't fear the reaper.
    • Castigat ridendo mores. – Laughing corrects morals.
    • Nunc est bibendum! – Now we must drink!
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Be Hilarious & Develop Your Sense of Humor
      Sense of Humor: Definition, Benefits, & How to Get One Yourself
      How to
      Be Naturally Funny
      355+ Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny
      How to
      Develop a Sense of Humor
      How to
      Be Wittier
      How to
      Make Your Friends Laugh over Text
      How to
      Accept That You Have No Sense of Humor: Tips to Build Your Sense of Humor and More
      How to
      Improve Your Sense of Humor
      How to
      Be Funny Without Telling Jokes
      How to
      Be Silly
      How to
      Lighten Up
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/humor-as-weapon-shield-and-psychological-salve
      3. ↑ https://www.ama-assn.org/delivering-care/population-care/why-older-adults-benefit-regular-doses-humor
      4. ↑ https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/attention-spans
      5. ↑ https://www.rutgers.edu/news/comedy-can-help-change-world-rutgers-researcher-says
      6. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456
      7. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6609137/
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/wellbeing/laughter-is-the-best-medicine
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201105/talking-judy-gruen-about-friendship-laughter
      1. ↑ https://www.masterclass.com/articles/what-is-an-idiom-learn-how-to-use-idioms-in-writing
      2. ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/knowledge-of-men/latin-words-and-phrases-every-man-should-know/

      About This Article

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement