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Plus, hilarious things people have said about stupidity
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Are you looking for some stupid funny lines, sayings, and quotes that will make you laugh yourself silly? Well, you’ve come to the right place! This article gives you over 210 of the funniest lines about life , work , aging , and more that are sure to have you in stitches. Plus, we’ll share where you can find even more side-splitting quotes , roasts, and jokes to keep the funny going!

Best Stupid Funny Sayings

  • “The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.” – Zach Galifianakis
  • “Don’t be so humble — you're not that great.” – Golda Meir
  • “I get enough exercise pushing my luck.” – Unknown
  • “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
  • “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn
Section 1 of 12:

Famous Stupid Funny Lines

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  1. Crack up over a famous stupid funny line. Some celebrities are so funny—whether on purpose or not—that their words end up being iconic. Here’s a list of lines that are so stupid funny they’re sure to give you a good laugh:
    • “The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.” – Stephen Hawking
    • “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – Jack Handey
    • “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx
    • "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." – Steve Martin
    • “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island, what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” – Steven Wright
    • “Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.” – Brooke Shields
    • “I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.” – Charlie Sheen
    • “So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” – Christina Aguilera
    • “I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger
    • “Is this chicken what I have, or is this fish? I know it’s tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea.” – Jessica Simpson
    • “I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” – Britney Spears
    • “I think MTV should consider using subtitles. Half the time, even I can't understand what the f*** I'm talking about.” – Ozzy Osbourne
    • “I'm thinking of buying a monkey. Then I think, ´Why stop at one?´ I don't like being limited in that way. Therefore, I'm considering a platoon of monkeys. So that people will look at me and see how mellow and well-adjusted I am compared to these monkeys throwing feces around.” – Robert Downey Jr.
    • “I think that the film was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness.” – Alicia Silverstone
    • “I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet.” – David Beckham
    • “The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.” – Zach Galifianakis
    • “Life isn't a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you're drunk.” – Darynda Jones
    • “This book was written using 100% recycled words.” – Terry Pratchett
    • “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”– Jim Carey
    • “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton
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Section 2 of 12:

Stupid Funny Lines from Movies & TV

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  1. Revisit your favorite comedy with a stupid funny line. Did you know that watching a funny TV show is not just entertaining, it also helps you reduce stress? [1] It’s true! So give yourself a mini-break with one of these hilarious lines from comedies:
    • “Yeah, I ate a big red candle.” – Brick Tamland in Anchorman
    • “She's probably not my sister.” – Lars Erickssong in Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga
    • “You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one.” – Alan Garner in The Hangover
    • “Why don’t you just go home? That’s your home!” – Happy Gilmore in Happy Gilmore
    • “You know the really great thing about television? If something important happens, anywhere in the world, night or day, you can always change the channel.” – Reverend Jim Ignatowski in Taxi
    • “I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything.” – Andy Dwyer in Parks and Recreation
    • “I heard the jury's still out on science.” – G.O.B. in Arrested Development
    • “Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!” – Ralph Wiggum in The Simpsons
    • “My mind’s always doing things that I don’t even know about.” – Michael Kelso in That ’70s Show
    • “I may be an idiot. But there’s one thing I’m not, Sir. And that is an idiot.” – Peter Griffin in The Family Guy
    • “Yeah, it's a moo point. It's like a cow's opinion, you know. It just doesn't matter. It's moo!” – Joey Tribbiani in Friends
    • “The worst thing about prison was the Dementors.” – Michael Scott in The Office
    • “You can't make bread with pride.” – Charles Boyle in Brooklyn 99
    • “This is my bud-hole! It’s just like a hole where me and my buds can hang out.” – Jason Mendoza in The Good Place
    • “Looking at the room, I can tell you're the most beautiful girl...in the room.” – Jermaine Clement in Flight of the Conchords
    • “If only I had that money Catherine and I gave to that TV preacher.” – Cousin Eddie in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
    • “Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?” – Biff Tannen in Back to the Future
    • “Shut up! We didn't lose Vietnam! It was a tie!” – Otto West in A Fish Called Wanda
    • “In order to conquer an animal, I have to think like an animal, and whenever possible, look like one.” – Carl Spackler in Caddyshack
    • “I have problems with turns, because I'm left-handed, and they haven't built a left-handed runway yet.” – Derek Zoolander in Zoolander
Section 3 of 12:

Short Stupid Funny Lines

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  1. Get a quick laugh with a short and snappy line. A funny line or joke often relies on the element of surprise to make it funnier. [2] Short lines can surprise a laugh out of you because they do a lot with only a few words. Here are a few shorter, stupid funny lines to make you laugh:
    • In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
    • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
    • To err is human. To arr is pirate.
    • Death is hereditary.
    • I want to be unique! Just like everyone else.
    • My favorite cookbook is a takeout menu.
    • Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
    • 6:30 is the best time on the clock… hands down.
    • If history repeats itself, I’m getting a dinosaur for a pet.
    • Is it possible to cry underwater?
    • Running in place will get you nowhere fast.
    • No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.
    • There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
    • Sausage puns are the wurst.
    • If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
    • If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
    • Don’t believe everything you think.
    • Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.
    • I can’t brain today. I have the dumb.
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Section 4 of 12:

Stupid Funny One-Liners

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  1. Find stupid funny one-liners that are sure to give you a chuckle. One-liners are a type of short joke that relies on perfect timing for maximum laughs. While they’re called one-liners, they can be longer than one sentence as long as those sentences are short. [3] Her are a few stupid funny one-liners to make you bust a gut:
    • I went to buy some camo pants, but couldn't find any.
    • I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
    • When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
    • My father has schizophrenia, but he's good people.
    • The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on the list.
    • A dog’s favorite homework assignment is a lab report.
    • They’ve been treating me like one of the family, and I’ve put up with it for as long as I can.
    • A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
    • You know it’s an emotional wedding when even the cake is in tiers.
    • Last night, my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her…or something like that.
    • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity, and it’s impossible to put down.
    • I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but my kids still get in.
    • There’s a lot to be said in his favor, but it’s not nearly as interesting.
    • Our child has a great deal of willpower—and even more won’t power.
    • Russian dolls are so full of themselves.
    • It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
    • I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
    • I’ve failed math more times than I can count.
    • My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
Section 5 of 12:

Stupid Funny Lines about Life

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  1. Learn to laugh at life with stupid funny lines. Sometimes, life can be completely ridiculous. You have to just laugh or you’ll end up crying. The good news is that laughter can help improve your mood and soothe tension. [4] So, use one of these stupid funny lines about life to help you face any challenge that comes your way:
    • “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” – Mark Twain
    • “I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
    • “Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres
    • “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
    • “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
    • “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
    • “Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.” – Mae West
    • “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn
    • “I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.” – Charles M. Schulz
    • “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
    • “Whoever said that money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.” – Bo Derek
    • “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” – Redd Foxx
    • “If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
    • “The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin
    • “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” – Tina Fey
    • “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
    • “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” – Graham Norton
    • “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” – Jerry Seinfeld
    • “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” – Noel Coward
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Section 6 of 12:

Stupid Funny Inspirational Lines & Quotes

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  1. Use a stupid funny line to get motivated with a side of laughter. Laughing is a great way to increase blood flow and oxygen to make you feel more energized. [5] Try one of these stupid funny inspirational lines and quotes to get yourself charged up to face your day:
    • “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” – Mindy Kaling
    • “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” – Mark Twain
    • “Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” – Dorothy Parker
    • “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” – Mark Twain
    • “Don’t be so humble — you're not that great.” – Golda Meir
    • “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” – George Bernard Shaw
    • “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with a**holes.” – William Gibson
    • “Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It’s cheaper.” – Quentin Crisp
    • “Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” – Rita Mae Brown
    • “There are few things in life harder to find and more important to keep than love. Well, love and a birth certificate.” -- Barack Obama
    • “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” – W.C. Fields
    • “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” – James Branch Cabell
    • “People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” – Mike Bechtle
    • “Instant gratification takes too long.” – Carrie Fisher
    • “Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.” – Sandra Bullock
    • “If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.” – William Lyon Phelps
    • “My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” – Maria Bamford
    • “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
    • “I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.” – Mitch Hedberg
Section 7 of 12:

Stupid Funny Quotes & Sayings on Aging

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  1. Face getting older with a smile using stupid funny quotes. As you get older, regular laughter can help you stay physically and mentally healthy. [6] Plus, it just feels good to laugh! Take some of the stress out of aging with one of these stupid funny quotes and sayings:
    • “I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.” – Stephen Fry
    • “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana.” – Betty White
    • “You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.” – George Burns
    • “Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese.” – Luis Buñuel
    • “People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, ‘Well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.’” – Dolly Parton
    • “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” – Isaac Asimov
    • “I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.” – George Carlin
    • “Reality continues to ruin my life.” – Bill Watterson
    • “By the time you’re 80 years old, you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” – George Burns
    • “Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes
    • “You are only young once. After that, you have to think up some other excuse.” – Billy Arthur
    • “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra
    • “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends, I need a Ouija board.” – Betty White
    • “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Shirley MacLaine
    • “You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope
    • “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball
    • “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.” — Sir Norman Wisdom
    • “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” – Joan Rivers
    • “When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.” – George Burns
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Section 8 of 12:

Stupid Funny Work Quotes & Sayings

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  1. Make the workday go faster with a stupid funny saying. Work can be a real slog if you can’t find anything to laugh about. Laughter also helps defuse conflict and promote bonding. [7] Do a little team building with these stupid funny quotes and sayings:
    • “Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” – Robert Benchley
    • “I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” – Jerome K. Jerome
    • “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” – Don Marquis
    • “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” – Don Herold
    • “If it’s a good script, I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.” – George Burns
    • “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde
    • “Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen
    • “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne
    • “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
    • “Don’t stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.” – George Burns
    • “There’s an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.” —Peter Drucker
    • “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” – Groucho Marx
    • “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” – John Gotti
    • “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” – Paula Poundstone
    • “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” – Mark Twain
    • “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” – George Carlin
    • “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” – Douglas Adams
    • “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” – Edgar Bergen
    • “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
Section 9 of 12:

Stupid Funny Nature Quotes & Sayings

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  1. Laugh at the silliness of nature with a funny saying. There are a lot of weird, funny things in nature. The platypus is practically a walking punchline. These stupid funny quotes and sayings point out some of Mother Nature’s sillier aspects:
    • “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” – Ellen DeGeneres
    • “The closer I get to nature, the further I am from idiots.” – Anonymous
    • “I thought I was pretty cool until I realized plants can eat sun and poop out air.” – Jim Bugg
    • “Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.” – Dave Barry
    • “My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!” – Greg Curtis
    • “Pets. Life’s apology for every crappy day ever.” – Anonymous
    • “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so…look at the platypus.” – Robin Williams
    • “Bring a compass when you go into nature. It’s awkward when you have to eat your friends.” – Anonymous
    • “My idea of camping is falling asleep on the couch with the window open.” – Clarke Kant
    • “I'd like to connect with nature, but there's no USB port” – Dan Masso
    • “Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.” – Fran Lebowitz
    • “What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally sh** myself lifeless.” – Bill Bryson
    • “Going on a hike is like having your car break down but on purpose.” – John Lyon
    • “My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.” – Joe Weinstein
    • “Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.” – Roger Miller
    • “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three treats in your pocket and giving them only two.” – Phil Pastoret
    • “The awkward moment when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.” – Anonymous
    • “It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of ‘Law & Order’ in my apartment.” – John Mulaney
    • “Death is nature's way of saying, ‘Your table is ready.’” – Robin Williams
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Section 10 of 12:

Stupid Funny Lines for Friends

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  1. Give the gift of laughter with funny lines you can send to friends. You don’t have to keep stupid funny lines to yourself! Laughing together is a good way to bond with your best buds. [8] So, share these hilarious lines with your friends to strengthen your bond and brighten their day:
    • 9 out of 10 voices in my head say I’m crazy. The 10th is humming.
    • Whatever you’re doing, always give 100%... unless you’re donating blood.
    • I do my own stunts… but never intentionally.
    • Being an adult is like folding a sheet. No one really knows how to do it.
    • Patience is a virtue, but I don’t want to wait that long.
    • Friends don't let friends do silly things…alone.
    • Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
    • If you have crazy friends, you have everything you’ll ever need.
    • Best friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.
    • We’ll be friends til we’re old and senile… Then we’ll be new friends.
    • Real friendship is when your friend comes over to your house, and then you both just take a nap.
    • Crazy friends are the best friends.
    • True friends don't judge each other. They judge other people together.
    • I'd take a Nerf bullet for you.
    • People are like refrigerators: it’s what’s inside that matters.
    • I am an example to others. A bad example.
    • ERROR 404: Motivation not found.
    • I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
    • Expecting the unexpected makes the unexpected expected.
Section 11 of 12:

Quotes about Stupidity

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  1. Get a kick out of how dumb people can be with funny quotes. Dealing with stupidity in the world can be frustrating. Here are a few quotes about stupidity to help you put it into perspective… and maybe get a good laugh:
    • “Here's all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” – George Carlin
    • “When in doubt, look intelligent.” – Garrison Keillor
    • “A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.” – Douglas Adams
    • “Humanity is OK, but 99% of people are boring idiots.” – Slavoj Žižek
    • “Stupidity combined with arrogance and huge ego will get you a long way.” – Chris Lowe
    • “He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.” – P.G. Wodehouse
    • “Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results.” – Margaret Atwood
    • “Beauty fades, dumb is forever.” – Judge Judy Sheindlin
    • “If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.” – Kurt Vonnegut
    • “To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness - though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless.” – Julian Barnes
    • “I would prefer an intelligent hell to a stupid paradise.” – Blaise Pascal
    • “Irony is wasted on the stupid.” – Oscar Wilde
    • “Sometimes a man wants to be stupid if it lets him do a thing his cleverness forbids.” – John Steinbeck
    • “I'll take crazy over stupid any day.” – Joss Whedon
    • “People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.” – Søren Kierkegaard
    • “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.” – Robert A. Heinlein
    • “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” – George Carlin
    • “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” – Neil DeGrasse Tyson
    • “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” – Albert Einstein
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Section 12 of 12:

Other Funny Sayings & Quotes

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