The 115+ Best “What’s the Difference Between” Jokes

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Funny, flirty, & dark “what’s the difference” jokes to get a laugh
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“What’s the difference” jokes have been around for a long time because they’re funny and easy to remember. They also tend to use clever wordplay, which is a time-tested way to get a laugh. In this article, we’re giving you the ultimate list of “what’s the difference” jokes with options for kids and adults that are sure to give them a chuckle. Plus, we spoke with comedian Kendall Payne for tips on telling jokes and dating coach John Keegan for advice on using humor to flirt.

Top-Tier “What’s the Difference” Jokes

  • What’s the difference between a good idea and a bad idea? Your opinion.
  • What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids don't eat broccoli!
  • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation.
  • What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
  • What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.
Section 1 of 6:

Funny “What’s the Difference Between” Jokes

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  1. If you’re worried about unleashing your sense of humor, there’s no better time to start than the present. Payne says that you get better at telling jokes the more you do it. You just have to be confident in your sense of humor and believe in yourself when you’re telling a joke. Here are some funny “what’s the difference” jokes to get you started:
    • What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo & Juliet? One is a Coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
    • What's the difference between a dentist and a therapist? One deals in feelings, the other deals in fillings.
    • What’s the difference between a 3K and a leaky sink? One is a little run and the other runs a little.
    • What is the difference between working as a stock trader and working as a baker? A baker still kneads the dough.
    • How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching.
    • What’s the difference between a restaurant lounge and an elephant fart? One’s a barroom and the other’s a BARROOM.
    • What is the difference between Noah’s Ark and an Archbishop? Noah’s Ark was a pretty high ark, but an Archbishop is a hierarch.
    • What's the difference between unlawful and illegal? One is breaking the law, while the other is a sick bird.
    • What's the difference between a house and a mansion? About $13 million.
    • What’s the difference between a drunken sailor and a hungry pirate? One has tummy rumbles, the other has rummy tumbles.
    • What’s the difference between democracy and feudalism? With feudalism, it’s your count that votes.
    • What’s the difference between a macaw and a banjo? One’s loud, obnoxious, and noisy. The other’s a bird.
    • What’s the difference between an Italian barber and an angry circus ringmaster? One’s a shaving Roman and the other’s a raving showman.
    • What’s the difference between an Indian restaurant and a Vietnamese restaurant? Indian places are naan profit, Vietnamese places are pho profit.
    • What’s the difference between a battle horse and a cart horse? One darts into the fray and the other farts into the hay.
    • What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion? No one sheds a tear when you chop up an accordion.
    • What is the difference between learning sign language and learning to speak English? One is pretty handy.
    • What’s the difference between a good idea and a bad idea? Your opinion.
    • What is the difference between an atom and a liar? Nothing; they both make up everything.
    • What’s the difference between a pie and a cobbler? One’s a dessert and the other makes shoes.
    • What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
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Section 2 of 6:

Flirty “What’s the Difference Between” Jokes

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  1. When you’re dazzling them with your wit, don’t forget to be upbeat, smile at them, and make good eye contact to show your interest. Keegan says that “walking up to someone with a good energy and a smile and saying hello is going to work in your favor.” Then, use one of these flirty jokes to break the ice:
    • What’s the difference between a hopeless romantic and an Italian exterminator? One chases romance, the other chases Rome ants.
    • What’s the difference between an envelope and a window? No one looks at you funny when you lick an envelope.
    • What's the difference between an evil baker and a heroic soldier? The heroic soldier darts into the foe.
    • What’s the difference between a good night and a great night? How you tell the story the next morning.
    • What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th.
    • What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs .
    • What’s the difference between a female ant and a male ant? A girl ant sinks in the water. A buoyant floats.
    • What is the difference between the old plastic straws and the new paper straws? Plastic straws suck.
    • What's the difference between your purse and your husband? Someone might steal your purse.
    • What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station, while the other is a busty crustacean.
Section 3 of 6:

Dark “What’s the Difference Between” Jokes

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  1. Humor is a great way to relax and bond with other people. [1] Just make sure that everyone has a similar sense of humor before busting out these “what the difference” jokes. Dark humor isn’t for everyone, but here’s a list of edgier jokes to share with your comedy soulmate:
    • What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
    • What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, whack, “Darn!” A bad skydiver goes, “Darn!” whack.
    • What’s the difference between a cat and a frog? A cat has nine lives. A frog croaks every night.
    • What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.
    • What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
    • What’s the difference between a new wife and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
    • What is the difference between your car and your partner? Your car won't drive you insane.
    • What’s the difference between the Grinch and a liar? One lives on a fictional mountain and the other lives on mountains of fiction.
    • What is the difference between your keys and a legless dog? A legless dog is always where you left it.
    • What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
    • What’s the difference between a hamburger and a baby? Nobody gets mad when you eat their hamburger.
    • What’s the difference between a pencil and someone you’re arguing with? The pencil has a point.
    • What’s the difference between “antidote” and “anecdote”? If I knew that, one of my best friends would still be alive.
    • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech? After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
    • What is the difference between being married and being dead? Dead men don’t wish they were married.
    • What’s the difference between a Maserati and a dead body? I don’t have a Maserati in my garage.
    • What’s the difference between a dead dinosaur and a lump of coal? About a million years.
    • What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? At a funeral there’s one less drunk.
    • What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.
    • What's the difference between a maze and depression? One of them has a way out.
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Section 4 of 6:

“What’s the Difference Between” Dad Jokes & Puns

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  1. Dad jokes are over-the-top, intentionally corny jokes that usually feature a pun or other type of wordplay. [2] And they might be the most groan-worthy types of quips—even when people think they’re funny. Try out one of these silly dad jokes and bask in the heavy sighs of your audience:
    • What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One you’ll see later, the other you’ll see in a while.
    • What’s the difference between a joke and a dad joke? The difference should be a parent!
    • What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
    • What’s the difference between a bowl of moldy lettuce and a depressing song? One is a bad salad, and the other is a sad ballad.
    • What’s the difference between an elephant and a biscuit? You can’t dunk an elephant in your tea.
    • What is the difference between a man and a dog? A man wears a suit, a dog just pants!
    • What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
    • What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls? Their seasoning.
    • What’s the difference between a teacher and a toddler? One answers your questions while the other questions your answers.
    • What’s the difference between America and a thumb drive? One is the USA, and the other is a USB.
    • What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby? One takes a snap, one takes a nap.
    • What’s the difference between a teacher and a railroad guard? One trains minds, and the other minds trains.
    • What’s the difference between a merry-go-round and someone caught in a lie? Nothing; they both go in circles until they’re stopped.
    • What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.
    • What’s the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and the other watches cells.
    • What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
    • What’s the difference between a newspaper and a corduroy pillow? Just the headlines.
    • How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
    • What’s the difference between a duck and someone who doesn’t pay for dinner? A duck always takes care of its bill!
    • What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
    • What’s the difference between a piano and a tuna? You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.
    • What is the difference between dating a fish and dating a man? A fish is roe-mantic.
    • What’s the difference between a dad joke and a bad joke? The direction the first letter faces.
Section 5 of 6:

Clean “What’s the Difference Between” Jokes for Kids

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  1. Sharing humor with kids can help promote optimism, release stress, and help develop positive relationships…but only if they’re having fun, too. That means making sure you’re telling clean jokes they understand and that don’t make them the butt. [3] Here are a few funny jokes that are age-appropriate for the youngsters in your life:
    • What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids don't eat broccoli!
    • What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father? One’s a pop fly and the other’s a fly pop.
    • What’s the difference between a pirate and a jeweler? One watches the seas while the other sees the watches.
    • What’s the difference between a scratch-and-sniff book and a witch’s book? One is a book of smells; the other is a book of spells.
    • What's the difference between a phony dollar bill and a crazed rabbit? One is bad money, and the other is a mad bunny.
    • What’s the difference between avian flu and swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
    • What’s the difference between a museum and Mordor? One does not simply walk into Mordor.
    • What is the difference between a bedbug and a man sleeping with snakes under his bed? One creeps over the sleepers and the other sleeps over the creepers.
    • What’s the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student? One baits his hooks, and the other hates his books.
    • What’s the difference between a greedy person and a shrimp? One is selfish; the other is shellfish.
    • What’s the difference between a wizard and a spelling bee? One conjures spells, and the other spells conjure.
    • What’s the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man? Iron Man stops the bad guy, Aluminum Man foils their plans.
    • What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny automobile.
    • What’s the difference between a tight pair of shoes and the mailman? Nothing; they both make your dogs bark.
    • What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
    • What’s the difference between a schoolteacher and a steam train? The teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the train says “Choo Choo!”
    • What's the difference between spiders and spider plants? Moms like spider plants.
    • What’s the difference between toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise? Nothing, they both try to get rid of Klingons.
    • What’s the difference between a baby carrot and a tangerine? One is small and orange; the other is a small orange.
    • What is the difference between a cat that took a nap on the Xerox machine and a cat that imitates everything you do? One is a cat copy, and the other is a copy cat.
    • What is the difference between studying Geology and studying English? Studying Geology rocks.
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Section 6 of 6:

Clever “What’s the Difference Between” Jokes for Adults

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  1. Adults can be a tough audience to read. Payne advises you to “just have fun, do your best, but know that you’ll probably fail the first few times,” adding that sometimes your joke will bomb, but that’s okay. It’s just part of telling jokes. Try out one of these clever jokes to give yourself a leg up:
    • What’s the difference between ice cream and your advice? I asked for the ice cream.
    • What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
    • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation.
    • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
    • What’s the difference between a yacht and a boat? About $100 million.
    • What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener.
    • What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws attached to its paw, the other has pause attached to its clause.
    • What is the difference between baseball and law? In baseball, if you’re caught stealing, you’re out.
    • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer miles.
    • What’s the difference between a man and a computer? You only have to tell a computer to do something once.
    • What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.
    • What’s the difference between a banjo player driving down the road and a frog driving down the road? There’s a slight possibility the frog might be going to a gig.
    • What’s the difference between a robber and a politician? The robber steals your money and then runs. The politician runs and then steals your money.
    • What’s the difference between the winner of a bodybuilding competition and a couch potato? One has a trophy for muscles and the other has muscle atrophy.
    • What’s the difference between breaking out of prison and studying mitosis? Nothing really, they’re both about splitting cells.
    • What is the difference between an atheistic shop and a religious shop? An atheistic shop is non-prophet.
    • What’s the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins, “Once upon a time…” A southern fairytale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…”
    • What’s the difference between an abacus and an unreliable friend? You can count on an abacus.
    • What’s the difference between a mathematician and an accountant? An accountant would say that 1+1=2. A mathematician would need to prove it.
    • What’s the difference between the mafia and the government? One of them is organized.
    • What’s the difference between a good idea and a bad idea? A few drinks.
    • What’s the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief? An amateur thief says, “Give me all your money!” A professional thief says, “Sign here please.”
    • What’s the difference between communism and a pencil? The pencil works on things other than paper.
    • What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer? One of them is a gelatinous, brainless blob and the other is a sea creature.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/wellbeing/laughter-is-the-best-medicine
      2. ↑ https://www.dictionary.com/e/best-dad-jokes-funny-bad-corny/
      3. ↑ https://www.chkd.org/patient-family-resources/our-blog/kids-and-humor-helpful-or-harmful/

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