Am I Comphet?

Take this quiz to see if you have compulsory heterosexuality.

“Comphet” is short for compulsory heterosexuality, and is when someone feels pressured to be or act straight by society, even when that’s not who they are. Sometimes, people experiencing comphet are aware that they’re not actually straight, but sometimes they have no idea. Does that feel familiar?

Answer these quick questions, and we’ll tell you if you might be experiencing compulsory heterosexuality.

(Just remember: This is an online quiz, and is primarily to help you explore your sexuality and attraction. Only you know your inner life!)

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Questions Overview

1. How do you usually feel after a breakup with a partner of the opposite sex?
  1. Relieved. Like, I'm glad it's over.
  2. Meh. Onto the next one, I guess.
  3. Sad. It'll take a minute to pick myself back up.
2. How picky are you when it comes to looking for a partner?
  1. Extremely high. They have to check all my boxes before I even think about being with them.
  2. Sorta high. I know what I deserve.
  3. Sorta low. If I'm attracted to them, I can't help it!
  4. I'm not really interested in dating.
3. In general, physical intimacy with the opposite sex feels like ______.
  1. A great time!
  2. A chore.
  3. Just something to do, honestly.
  4. I don't really have sex.
4. Have you ever questioned your sexuality?
  1. Yes, and I'm still questioning it and figuring out who I am.
  2. Sometimes, but not often. I check in every now and then.
  3. Nah, I'm pretty sure of my current sexuality.
5. How do you feel about the idea of only dating 1 partner of the opposite sex for the rest of your life?
  1. If I love them and I'm attracted to them, then that's great!
  2. It makes me a little nervous. What if I change my mind or want to explore other things...
  3. It makes me feel suffocated, like I'm trapped.
6. Do you ever feel more experimental with your sexuality when you drink, or even just when you're having fun?
  1. Yes, all the time. It's a little concerning.
  2. Not really. I'm pretty consistent!
  3. Sort of, but I think I just get flirty in general.
7. What role do you usually take in romance?
  1. I'm pretty passive. I tend to date people who pursue and choose me—it’s rare that I seek someone else out.
  2. I take the lead! If I see someone I like or have a crush on, I try to make it happen.
  3. It's a balance! Sometimes I'm passive, sometimes I'm active.
8. Do you think you're currently on-track to having a fulfilling, lifelong relationship in your life?
  1. No. I worry I'll never find my perfect partner.
  2. No. I worry I'm currently with the wrong partner.
  3. Yes, I think it could happen for me.
9. Which of these is most true about you?
  1. I'm mostly attracted to celebrities or unattainable people.
  2. I'm mostly attracted to people in my life.
  3. I'm mostly attracted to a generic "idea" of someone, but the details are always hazy.
  4. I'm not really attracted to others.
10. Fill in the blank: Relationships feel like a ____.
  1. Burden or a chore.
  2. A pleasure and a privilege.
  3. Just something to pass the time.
  4. A puzzle I can never get right.
11. Generally, when someone of another gender flirts with you, you feel:
  1. Embarrassed
  2. Annoyed
  3. Pleased
  4. Excited
12. How do you usually feel when you're single?
  1. It feels like freedom.
  2. It feels awful. Like I need to dive back into a relationship ASAP.
  3. It's alright. I don't mind being single.

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Maybe you feel pressure to be straight from friends, family, or your community. Or, maybe you fell into a relationship that felt alright at first, but now you're wondering about other options. Or, maybe it's just more convenient to pretend to be straight, even if it's not your thing.

Whatever your situation, what you do next is up to you. Do whatever is needed for your own safety and well-being. That said, there's joy and acceptance in embracing your true self, and if that's the route you choose, you'll find a warm and welcoming community on the other side.

No matter what, help is out there. Check out these resources for more information, and advice on planning your next step:

What is Comphet?

What does comphet mean?
“Comphet” is short for “compulsory heterosexuality.” It’s when someone pretends to be straight, whether that’s in a relationship or just in their everyday life, in order to conform to social pressures.

Who is most affected by comphet?
Most discussions around comphet revolve around lesbian experiences. This is often because lesbians may feel more pressure to pair up with men and lead more traditional lives as wives and mothers. But compulsory heterosexuality can apply to anyone who experiences same-sex attraction, regardless of gender.

Why are some people comphet?
There are many reasons, and many of those reasons are nuanced. Usually, people are comphet because they feel pressured to hide their identity. By having a straight partner, they avoid suspicion. Or, maybe they’re just not aware that they’re queer, and think they’re straight because that’s what they’re “supposed” to be. It’s also sometimes a matter of safety and convenience. Queer people are more vulnerable to violence, but being in a straight relationship can be protective. The law also often benefits straight people more than queer people, like when it comes to marriage equality, finances, or hospital visitation rights, so some queer people opt to enter straight relationships to get these rights. There are numerous reasons, but compulsory heterosexuality is always restrictive and almost always damaging.

Is comphet a bad thing?
Almost always, yes. Someone in a comphet situation may not be in danger, and it may even prove beneficial to them, but there’s a psychological toll to pretending to be something you’re not. And if you’re in a relationship and having sex that you don’t enjoy, the toll rises. While people are often comphet for their own safety, the reality is that living a life that doesn’t align with your own identities and values can be harmful in other ways, mainly mentally and psychologically.

Can you be bisexual in a straight relationship?
Yes, of course! Many bi or pansexual people are in straight relationships, and that doesn’t make them comphet. The key difference is that they really do experience genuine heterosexual attraction and want to be with their partners, even if they also experience queer attractions.

How do you know if you’re comphet?
The answer is simple, but sometimes difficult. All you have to ask yourself is, “Am I really attracted to the other gender?” If the answer is yes, you’re not comphet. If the answer is no, but you’ve been dating or are even partnered with the other gender, then you’re likely comphet.

Can straight people be comphet? Yes and no. Truly straight people still perform heterosexuality in ways they may not enjoy, like by getting married or having children. They still feel these societal pressures, even if they truly are attracted to partners of another sex. That’s comphet, too, in a way. For the most part, though, when we talk about comphet, we’re talking about LGBTQ+ issues. The thing is, many LGBTQ+ issues also affect straight people.

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