How to Confront Prejudice Whenever You Hear It

Prejudice never seems to go away. Since it often stems from a lifetime with a racist or bigoted mindset, it’s not easily eradicated. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take action to stop it. There are things you can do to confront prejudice when you hear it, whether it is directed toward you or someone else.

Method 1
Method 1 of 4:

Dealing with Prejudice Directed at You

  1. If you’re in a setting where you believe the person making the prejudicial comments or actions will listen to you, such as a friend, then sit down with them and tell them that their words and behaviors have an impact on you. If this person is a real friend, they will make an effort to change their thinking and actions.
    • If they don’t make any changes, they are not a true friend and you are better off without their negativity in your life.
    • Consider whether or not talking about your friend’s behavior will be best done alone or in a group, where you have others to back you up.
    • You can start by saying something like, "Hey, what you said really hurt. I understand why you might not have realized it, but this is something that we need to talk about."
  2. In addition to educating the perpetrator about how it makes you feel, you can teach them how to be more understanding, if they are open to it. One way to do this is to explain to them why their remark or action hurt you by explaining your life experience. When people understand where someone else is coming from, they are more able to relate.
    • When we can relate to someone else's experience, we tend to treat them more like we want to be treated.
    • Say something like, "Hey, I may not look like it, but I have the very thing that you were just making fun of. Let me tell you how I deal with it."
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  3. It may be best to leave confrontation for a later time. If a prejudicial action or comment caused a lot of anger in you, it may be best to wait until you have calmed down and you can confront the person without wanting to hurt them or punish them for their prejudiced behavior.
  4. Don’t make it personal. When you blame someone personally for their response, they may become just as offended as you. Keep your vocabulary focused on the actions of the person, not who they are.
    • Calling someone “racist” or “prejudiced” will only bring aggression into the equation, as this can hurt feelings and prevent them from listening to you.
    • You could say, "Comments like that are kind of hurtful for people like me."
    • You could also try, "When someone does that type of action, it's hard for me to keep from getting mad."
  5. In social situations, a simple, “I’m sorry, did I miss something?” can reveal a prejudicial statement and stop someone from being rude to you. This non-confrontational manner of pointing out prejudice can also help people see things from your point of view, and show that you are going to stand up for yourself instead of letting others treat you badly.
    • Just make sure you are genuine and aren’t using a sarcastic tone of voice.
  6. When you are talking to someone about their prejudiced behavior, listening to their reasons helps them see things from your perspective. That may seem counter-intuitive, but when you allow someone space to be themselves, you encourage them to do the same for you.
    • Also listen for the emotions behind their reasons. People often make prejudicial statements when they are feeling threatened or frustrated, and understanding that a friend wouldn’t normally make such comments can help you forgive them.
  7. While reacting to negative situations is normal, overreacting is a problem. It's inappropriate to react aggressively to a situation where someone has made a passing comment betraying their personal prejudice—be sure to express your anger appropriately. [1]
    • Overreacting can make a negative situation get worse, potentially leading to violence. This happens when you react with aggression, and aggression is returned to you.
    • Say nothing. Sometimes confronting prejudice means not reacting at all, especially when you sense that such a response would make a greater impact on the perpetrator. In fact, reacting by controlling your response and calming down is an appropriate way to express anger. [2]
    • Not answering a direct question because it reveals a prejudice can make the speaker uncomfortable enough to ask you why you are silent. Such silence may also make them think about what they said without you having to say anything.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 4:

Dealing with Prejudice Directed at Others

  1. If you see someone making a prejudiced remark or action in a public place like the grocery store or on the subway, don't turn away. Stand up for the person being made fun of by confronting the perpetrator. Tell them that it's not OK to treat other people this way.
    • You don't have to be rude or aggressive. You can say something in the moment to diffuse the situation, such as, "Hey, I can see why that's funny to you, but maybe it's not funny to everyone?"
    • You could also ask something that draws attention to the prejudice without being confrontational, like, "I'm sorry, did I miss something?"
  2. If you hear a prejudicial statement at the dinner table, whether or not someone of that demographic is present, you can challenge your family members. This behavior may be an old pattern that needs to be dealt with, or it may be the result of the influence of a new family member. No matter why this mindset is present in your family, you can challenge this thinking in ways that your family understands. [3]
    • Speak up every time you hear or see prejudicial behavior, reminding family members that you don’t like to be around it, saying something like, "Hey, when did comments like this become normal? I don't think we grew up talking like this."
    • You can walk away each time prejudicial behavior is performed.
  3. When you hear your friends using prejudicial language or performing prejudicial acts, say something. Asking them why they have this kind of mindset may reveal perspectives they didn’t realize they had, helping them to change.
    • Ask questions like, "Hey, I didn't know you believed things like that. Do you know how that can make people feel?"
    • Since you can choose your friends, you have the choice to end friendships when others refuse to change.
  4. If you encounter prejudice in the workplace, be professional in your reaction. Make it clear that you don’t take part in this kind of thinking. You can employ a few strategies to do this with without losing your job. You can do this by: [4]
    • Speaking up when comments are made in group or one-on-one settings, if you feel comfortable doing so. When you hear your boss make condescending remarks about women, you might insert a comment like, "I didn't realize that people believed that about women. Can you explain that a little more?"
      • Avoid a sarcastic tone here so that you don't create a negative situation. Be frank and earnest in your comments.
    • Reminding coworkers of anti-prejudice policies the organization has.
    • Talking to your boss if you keep seeing prejudicial behavior without change. It is wise to get other employees to join you in this request.
  5. An easy way to take a stand against prejudice is to stay stoic when others are laughing at a prejudicial joke or comment. Your unchanging facial expression will show others that you don’t agree with such behavior without even having to say anything.
    • Be sure to keep arrogance or superiority out of your demeanor, as this can trigger aggression in others, especially if your action makes them feel ashamed.
    • Be prepared to explain why you’re not laughing.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 4:

Calming Your Emotions

  1. Before charging into a situation to challenge someone’s prejudicial comments, it’s important to make sure you aren’t going to make the situation worse by reacting out of anger. Instead, take a moment to calm down by taking a deep breath.
    • A deep breath can relax your body and keep you from using any adrenaline released into your system for aggression. [5]
  2. Distancing yourself mentally from the situation at hand can calm your emotions and make your passionate response less aggressive. Focus on why the other person acted with prejudice rather than how angry it's making you feel.
    • If the comment was directed toward something you identify with, pretend you are someone else and try to see it from their perspective.
    • If you feel adrenaline rushing and you are ready to fight, take a moment and pretend you're in a different location where there is no prejudice before responding.
  3. Before you speak out against prejudice, think about the tone of voice you are about to use and the body language you are expressing. Are you being aggressive? Will your reaction cause others to get aggressive? If so, change tactics before speaking.
    • Think before you speak as well. Try to use non-confrontational, non-accusatory vocabulary. Basically you want to avoid pointing your finger and causing others to feel anger toward you.
  4. If you are feeling too passionate and angry to employ a calm reaction to prejudice, walking away might be a good choice. This way you show that you are upset and that you aren’t allowing prejudice to continue without risking an aggressive confrontation.
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Method 4
Method 4 of 4:

Understanding Prejudice

  1. Knowing why prejudiced comments are offensive helps you explain yourself to people who don’t agree with you. You can educate others when you understand the situation yourself. It is also important to know the difference among prejudice, bigotry, and racism so that you aren’t overreacting in any given circumstance.
    • The word prejudice breaks down into the terms “pre” and “judge,” meaning that someone has made a judgement before knowing the facts. It's an unfair view of people different from you because they have a different skin color, religion, gender, and so on. [6] Prejudice can also be partnered with the term bias, which is preference for a particular demographic.
    • Bigotry is about hating an entire group of people, and is often a very entrenched mindset. A person might be bigoted against all members of a particular race and refuse to spend time or do business with them, for example. [7]
    • Racism tends to be a cultural mindset that believes one race is better than all the others. People with racist mindsets often believe they have license to practice violence or poor treatment upon people of different races from themselves. [8] Racism can be at the root of prejudice, but it is a much more serious and deeply ingrained issue.
  2. Prejudice can be expressed in more ways than just jokes or comments. Prejudice can be expressed in the following ways:
    • Insensitive remarks
    • Ridicule
    • Bullying
    • Belittling jokes
    • Un-inclusive language
    • Stereotyping
    • Slurs
    • Name calling
    • Social avoidance
  3. There are many reasons that people end up with prejudiced mindsets, and understanding them can help you educate others when prejudiced situations arise. Bigger issues are often at the root of prejudice, and while you can certainly address when others are pre-judging you, it’s usually going to take some time for their mindsets to change—if they want to change at all.
    • Prejudice arises from the need to adapt quickly to new situations. It is easier to adapt to a new environment when you can categorize everyone. [9]
    • Prejudice also arises from a background of racism or bigotry, such as being raised in a home where such ideologies are the norm.
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      References

      1. ↑ http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/anger/
      2. ↑ http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/anger
      3. ↑ https://www.splcenter.org/20150126/speak-responding-everyday-bigotry#friends
      4. ↑ https://www.splcenter.org/20150126/speak-responding-everyday-bigotry#work
      5. ↑ http://mentalhealthdaily.com/2014/09/09/physical-symptoms-of-anxiety-and-stress/
      6. ↑ http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/prejudice
      7. ↑ http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bigot
      8. ↑ http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/racism
      9. ↑ http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/research-states-that-prejudice-comes-from-a-basic-human-need-and-way-of-thinking.html

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