How to Deal With Detentions

Co-authored by Alicia Oglesby

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References

Most students will receive a detention at some point in their education. ^{[1]
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Research source} Whether you are guilty of the infraction you’re accused of or not, detention can be embarrassing and create lasting resentment. By putting your punishment in perspective and maintaining a constructive attitude, you can get through your detention and easily move on.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Understanding the Rules

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Read the rules. All schools have written rules and use disciplinary actions like detention to encourage students to follow them. Your school most likely issues an official student handbook that outlines its detention policy.
- If you believe you didn’t break any of these rules, politely explain that the rule is not properly stated or should be clarified.
2
Consider the teacher’s perspective. Teachers are often stressed out because they deal with a large number of students every day and have limited time to get through their lesson plans. Try to put yourself in their shoes—they need a classroom that is focused on the work, and they may be strict because of this. ^{[2]
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Expert Source

Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor

Expert Interview. 29 October 2020.}
- Empathizing with your teacher can help you accept your situation and not take it personally.
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3
Ask questions to clarify. If you aren’t clear about the rule you broke, politely ask for clarification.
- Consider your tone when asking or you may come off as combative and make the situation worse. Say something like "Excuse me. I understand you think I broke a rule but I can't seem to find it in the handbook. Can you explain which rule I violated?" to start the conversation. Make sure to have a copy of the rules on hand.
- If asked sincerely, this can demonstrate that you’re interested in avoiding issues in the future. ^{[3]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Dealing with Your Guardians

1
Explain what happened. Detentions often require that you receive a signature from your legal guardians before you return to school the next day. Plan your approach so they understand your side of the story.
- Even if your school doesn’t require a signature, your guardians will likely find out anyway so being forthright with them is your best chance at controlling the situation.
- Start the conversation by saying something simple like “Hey, I have to tell you something.” Avoid alarming introductions like “I have some bad news” because it may set a more negative tone for the conversation.
2
Tell the truth. Being honest about what you did wrong will be appreciated and give you credibility. ^{[4]
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- They will likely be more upset if they find out you are not being honest about the situation.
3
Consider your timing. It’s important to tell your guardians about your detention as promptly as possible. But if they are coming home from work or are otherwise stressed out, you may want to wait for the right moment.
- Try to deliver the news calmly. Make sure you’re not too emotional.
- If you tell them at the wrong time, they may react in anger and it will be more difficult for you to tell your side of the story. ^{[5]
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4
Focus on what you’ll change. Explain what you learned from the experience and what you will do differently the next time.
- Even if you are maintaining that you did nothing wrong, explain how you will avoid putting yourself in bad situations in the future. For example, by avoiding students that are known to get in trouble or creating a better relationship with your teacher. ^{[6]
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Be respectful. A respectful tone can make all the difference when having a tense conversation so don’t interrupt or get an attitude, even if you feel they’re being unfair. ^{[7]
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- Finding out their child has a detention can be stressful for your guardians. Try to understand that their first reaction will most likely be a disappointment and it’s your job to improve their perception by demonstrating you’re responsible and mature.
- If there is a punishment, accept it gracefully.
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Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Dealing with the Teacher Who Gave You Detention

1
Consider your future interactions. If you were given detention by your teacher, you will obviously continue to see them on a regular basis so don’t let this ruin the rest of your year.
- Even if it’s an administrator, you’re likely to see them in the hallways or cafeteria.
- Find a constructive way to either repair your relationship with them or avoid further confrontations.
2
Don’t hold a grudge. You have nothing to gain from holding onto your frustration. Like it or not, this teacher controls your grades and can potentially give you more detentions.
- Even if you don’t intend to create any problems, simply remaining angry can lead to negative confrontations in the future. Holding a grudge can also be bad for your health. ^{[8]
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Consider apologizing. Even if you don't feel like you were in the wrong, a simple apology can go a long way. Remember that teachers have a tough job and they have to make sure things run smoothly—if they gave you detention, there's a good chance that it wasn't anything personal. ^{[9]
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Expert Source

Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor

Expert Interview. 29 October 2020.}
- Apologizing will show that you're humble and mature, and it can really help repair the relationship between you and your teacher. ^{[10]
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  Expert Source
  
  Alicia Oglesby
  Professional School Counselor
  
  Expert Interview. 29 October 2020.} Because they deal with youths all day, most teachers appreciate maturity and will see a sincere apology as a sign that you’re taking an adult view of the situation. ^{[11]
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- Approach your teacher before or after class and be direct. Say something like “I understand why you had to give me detention. I didn’t mean to cause any disruption. I’m ready to get back to work.”
- It may surprise you how quickly a teacher can go from having a negative attitude toward you to a positive one when you demonstrate maturity.
4
Focus on the work. Like an apology, maintaining a constructive focus on the classwork and performing well on assignments is an excellent way to demonstrate maturity to your teacher and create a positive relationship with them. ^{[12]
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- This is also the best way to deal with any awkwardness between you and the teacher.
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Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Making the Best of It

1
Study or complete homework. You probably won’t consider your detention a good thing but focusing on the positives can help you get through and make your wasted time as productive as possible. Most schools will allow you to study during detention.
- The silence of a detention room can provide the perfect opportunity for you to get your work done. ^{[13]
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- Plan your work ahead of time. Make sure your textbooks, class notes, calculator, worksheets or anything else you’ll need to get something done during detention.
2
Practice drawing. If you don't feel like completing school work or need materials that won't be available in detention, try drawing a picture. It's a great way to pass the time, stimulate your mind and build an art portfolio.
- Even if you aren't a particularly artistic person, practicing art on a regular basis can build your creativity, improve your mental acuity and relieve stress. ^{[14]
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Write a story. Another great way to pass the time is to practice your creative writing. Even if it isn't based on a class assignment, you can build a writing portfolio that will be useful for college and job applications.
- Creative writing during detention improves student behavior and academic outcomes. ^{[15]
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- You can use your experience getting or being in detention for inspiration.
If it goes off during detention, you could get in more trouble. Turn off any other device that may make a sound that could get you in trouble like a digital watch alarm.
5
Use it as a life lesson. Even if you believe you truly didn’t do anything wrong, there is still a valuable lesson involved. Not all institutions, rules or authority figures are just and benevolent and coming to terms with this fact in a constructive manner is an essential part of adulthood. ^{[16]
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- If you feel that you were punished by an unfair rule, ask if other students have had similar experiences and see if you can start a conversation with the administration to change it.
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How do I get along with a teacher who gave me detention?

Alicia Oglesby
Professional School Counselor
Alicia Oglesby is an Academic Counseling Expert based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She is currently pursuing a PhD in Education at the University of Pittsburgh and working as a Graduate Research Assistant. She was previously employed as the Associate Director of College Counseling at the Winchester Thurston School. Prior to that, she worked as a Director of School and College Counseling at 4 other secondary schools. With over twelve years of experience in academic counseling, Alicia specializes in academic advising, social-emotional skills, and career counseling. Alicia holds Professional School Counseling Certifications in both Washington DC and Pennsylvania. She has created a college counseling program in its entirety and developed five programs focused on application workshops, parent information workshops, essay writing collaborative, peer-reviewed application activities, and financial aid literacy events. Alicia holds a BS in Psychology from Howard University and a Master’s in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from Chestnut Hill College.

Alicia Oglesby

Professional School Counselor

Expert Answer

First, you should figure out a way to very humbly apologize. For instance, you might say, "I apologize for interrupting the class," or "I'm going to do a better job of getting to class on time." Recognize that teachers have a really, really tough job, and it's a big responsibility to make sure things run smoothly at school and that every student is safe.

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How to Deal With Detentions

Steps

Understanding the Rules

Dealing with Your Guardians

Dealing with the Teacher Who Gave You Detention

Making the Best of It

Expert Q&A

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