How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

A narcissist is someone who is deeply self-involved and lacks empathy towards others. Narcissists can suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, which can cause the person to want to hurt your feelings, damage things that you love, and cut you down with sarcasm and verbal abuse. [1] If you have recently gotten out of a relationship with a narcissist, there are ways that you can heal. If you are still in a relationship with a narcissist and want information on how to get out of the relationship, scroll down to Method 2.

Method 1
Method 1 of 2:

Moving On from a Relationship with a Narcissist

  1. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it is important not to beat yourself for the challenges that you face in your relationship. Your partner is dealing with a mental disorder that you have no control over. What you do have control over is who you are in a relationship with, and your expectations for how you should be treated.
    • Do not dwell on how things have changed, or think that the changes have been brought on by something you have done.
    • Any abuse you have received is because of your partner’s narcissistic personality, not because you deserved the abuse.
  2. While you may have fallen in love with your partner, it is important to remind yourself that your partner has changed. Do not feel guilty when considering whether you want to leave your partner or not. Remind yourself that you deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect and love. If you are not getting that out of your current relationship, it may be time to consider leaving your partner. Leaving your partner is not a selfish act; it is an act of self-preservation that should be done out of respect for yourself.
    • When a person develops a narcissistic personality disorder, it is very hard to make him or her see any other point of view. Asking that person to change will most likely not result in any transformations of character.
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  3. Extracting yourself from an unhealthy relationship can be very hard and emotionally draining. Despite this, removing yourself from an abusive relationship will be less painful in the long run. Getting over someone you loved is always hard, regardless of what the relationship was like. Remind yourself that it is ok to feel sad, mad, or any other emotion you are experiencing.
    • Do not try to keep the pain you feel inside of you. Bottling up your emotions can make you feel even worse. Instead, share your feelings and thoughts with someone you love and trust. If you do not want to talk about your relationship with people involved in your life, consider setting up an appointment with a therapist. [2]
    • Remind yourself that you are a wonderful person who deserves to be loved. Love yourself by setting aside a part of each day for ‘me-time’. Do things that you love, spend time with friends, or try something you have always wanted to but couldn’t with your partner.
  4. This in no way means that you should justify your partner’s actions, but understanding narcissism may help you to understand why your partner acted the way that they did. [3]
    • Narcissists often have been the victim of someone else’s superiority complex. Because of this, they tell themselves that they are superior, and in turn look for ways to make others seem inferior.
    • Narcissists often look for people to control so that they can feel like they have the power in their relationships. That is not to say that they only get into relationships with people with low self-confidence; often, narcissists will pretend to be attracted to another person’s confidence,
  5. It can be hard to get over someone who spouts words of love when they are not abusing you. However, it is important to remind yourself that your ex-partner’s declarations of love were another form of manipulation. [4]
    • Narcissistic relationships follow a cruel cycle of idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. [5]
    • Many narcissists will say or do anything to keep you ‘on the hook’, which means that even though they treat you poorly, they will flip a switch and pretend to be in love with you. [6] In moments of reflection, look back on your relationship and remind yourself that your partner’s declarations of love were another means of manipulation.
    • If your ex-partner contacts you and says that he or she misses you, remind yourself that they are simply trying to manipulate you again. Try to stay strong and, if possible, sever all forms of communication with the person.
  6. This does not mean that you should move quickly into another relationship. You should take time to heal, but can also be open to the possibility that there are other people out there who do deserve your love and affection.
    • Learn from your mistakes when you do decide you are ready to start dating. Look for red flags and move slowly, but try to be open to the idea that love can find you. [7]
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Method 2
Method 2 of 2:

Escaping from a Relationship with a Narcissist

  1. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it is important not to beat yourself for the challenges that you face in your relationship. Your partner is dealing with a mental disorder that you have no control over. What you do have control over is who you are in a relationship with, and your expectations for how you should be treated.
    • Do not dwell on how things have changed, or think that the changes have been brought on by something you have done.
    • Any abuse you have received is because of your partner’s narcissistic personality, not because you deserved the abuse.
  2. While you may have fallen in love with your partner, it is important to remind yourself that your partner has changed. Do not feel guilty when considering whether you want to leave your partner or not. Remind yourself that you deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect and love. If you are not getting that out of your current relationship, it may be time to consider leaving your partner. Leaving your partner is not a selfish act; it is an act of self-preservation that should be done out of respect for yourself.
    • When a person develops a narcissistic personality disorder, it is very hard to make him or her see any other point of view. Asking that person to change will most likely not result in any transformations of character.
  3. Extracting yourself from an unhealthy relationship can be very hard and emotionally draining. Despite this, removing yourself from an abusive relationship will be less painful in the long run. Getting over someone you loved is always hard, regardless of what the relationship was like. Remind yourself that it is ok to feel sad, mad, or any other emotion you are experiencing.
    • Remind yourself that you are a wonderful person who deserves to be loved. Love yourself by setting aside a part of each day for ‘me-time’. Do things that you love, spend time with friends, or try something you have always wanted to but couldn’t with your partner.
    • Do not try to keep the pain you feel inside of you. Bottling up your emotions can make you feel even worse. Instead, share your feelings and thoughts with someone you love and trust. If you do not want to talk about your relationship with people involved in your life, consider setting up an appointment with a therapist.
    • Therapy is customized to the individual, and helps you challenge the harmful beliefs you developed during your relationship. [8]
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      Warnings

      • If the narcissist turns violent towards you, call the police or leave and go somewhere you will be safe.
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      • The first time the narcissist threatens to harm you is the first time you should call the police. Do not wait for them to become violent. The second you are threatened, document it. Location, time, place, what was said word for word, and call the police.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder
      2. ↑ https://www.mhanational.org/helpful-vs-harmful-ways-manage-emotions
      3. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1857317/
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201903/7-ways-narcissists-manipulate-relationships
      5. ↑ Jay Reid, LPCC. Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.
      6. ↑ Jay Reid, LPCC. Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.
      7. ↑ https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/emotionally-abusive-relationships-how-to-tell-if-youve-been-manipulated-by-a-na
      8. ↑ Jay Reid, LPCC. Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.

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