How to Make Friends on XBOX Live

Having Good Xbox Etiquette

1. 1
   Above all, follow the Golden Rule. Inviting people to be your Xbox Live friends with the steps above is easy — actually making and keeping friends in your games can be a little more challenging, however. There's no nice way to put it: for a variety of reasons, online game communities, including Xbox Live, tend to attract jerks. Your best bet at building a good circle of online friends is to separate yourself from these jerks by behaving like a class act while you play. The best way to do this is simply to follow the Golden Rule: treat others the way you'd want them to treat you!

   • Below, you'll find tips for what to do and what not to do on Xbox Live. Keep in mind that all of these suggestions are just specific applications of the Golden Rule.
2. 2
   Keep your in-game conversation friendly and casual. Playing a game on Xbox Live should be something that players can do to relax — not to argue, fight, or threaten each other. The quality of the in-game conversation can determine the enjoyment of the game for everyone playing, so do your best to keep things lighthearted and fun so that everyone can enjoy themselves. Think: would you be likely to accept a friend request from someone who went out of his way to start an argument during a game? Probably not.

   • Good conversation topics:
   • Funny stories and jokes
   • Strategies for the game being played
   • Gaming in general
   • Pop culture (movies, music, etc.)
   • Casual, good-natured trash-talking
   • Bad conversation topics:
   • Controversial political issues
   • Racial and religious issues
   • Morbid/obscene stories
   • Bashing the worst player in the game
3. 3
   Do your best (especially when you're part of a team. ) While immature players may get upset when you beat them, the sorts of Xbox players that are worth befriending won't ever put you down for being good at the game. Being a competent player marks you as a valuable person to have in the game — people on your team will want you on their team again and people playing against you will (usually) respect your ability.

   • This doesn't mean that you should stress out about having a perfect record. In fact, having a loss-free record can be a sign of a cheater — almost everyone loses some games.
   • On the other hand, if it's obvious after a few games that you're not a great player, simply make an effort to improve over time — wise players will respect that you're trying your best.
4. 4
   When it comes to bad players, offer helpful advice — not jeers. No one is born a great gamer — everyone was once a "noob." Don't be harsh on players who aren't yet as skilled as you. Instead, make an effort to help them learn from their mistakes. Though they may not improve immediately, you're helping a new player get enjoyment out of the game (and, if this player is on your team, improving your chances for winning!) Making fun of this player helps no one.

   • One common way that new players get bashed in online games is as follows: an unskilled player joins a game and immediately makes a few rookie mistakes or gets herself killed. The other players on her team, now at a disadvantage, complain to everyone in the game that they have a noob on their team and can't possibly win. Especially sore losers may even "rage quit" the game in disgust. Don't be like this. Getting partnered with players who aren't very good is part of the online gaming experience. Make the best of a bad situation by helping this player get better.
5. 5
   Be a graceful winner — and loser. No one like losing. Everyone likes winning. This doesn't mean that losing has to be a humiliating experience or that winning has to be an opportunity to rub your success in your opponent's face. Xbox Live players who want to get friends should make a habit of being polite and dignified no matter how well or poorly they do. This doesn't mean you can't celebrate a win or complain about a loss — just that you shouldn't be a jerk about it!

   • If you win, do:
   • Offer your opponents a friendly "good game," compliment any good plays they made.
   • Don't:
   • Gloat about how great you played, tell your opponents that they played like amateurs, spend lots of time breaking down every mistake your opponents made.
   • If you lose, do:
   • Offer your opponents a friendly "good game," compliment any good plays they made.
   • Don't:
   • Complain that your opponents cheated, blame the loss on your other teammates, use obscene insults.
6. 6
   Keep your cool when playing with jerks. No matter how well you behave on Xbox Live, eventually, you'll run into a player who is just a rude, name-calling, inconsiderate jerk and who doesn't care at all about it. It may be tempting, but it's a bad idea to use the same sort of behavior as this player to get back at him — you may earn a bad reputation for yourself in the process. When in doubt, remember the old saying: "Never argue with a fool. From a distance, you can't tell who's who."

   • It's also worth noting that retaliating against an annoying player can be considered a breach of XBox Live's code of conduct. ^[3]
   • If a player is being so rude or troublesome that it's impossible to enjoy the game, simply leave and encourage other players to do the same. If no one will play with the abusive player, he can't enjoy the game, so he loses. You may also want to report this player if he was breaking the code of conduct. Click here for the complete document. ^[4]
   • See also our article on dealing with annoying XBox Live players.
7. 7
   Remember: it's just a game. Almost everyone has gotten so involved in a heated competition that they've said or done something they later regretted. Don't let a video game ruin your day or someone else's. While games are usually most fun when everyone does their best, they're not life-and-death situations. Unless you're actually participating in a pro gaming competition, whether you win or lose won't affect you personally in any way unless you let it.

   • If you feel your adrenaline levels rising, wait for a good opportunity to stop playing, then turn off your Xbox, take a few deep breaths, and go do something else. Games exist to provide entertainment, not to be sources of stress, so if you're stressed out about one, that game isn't a good choice for you to play right now.
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Knowing What to Avoid

1. 1
   Don't be a troll or a griefer. In online games, "trolls" and "griefers" are players who get enjoyment out of ruining the game for other people. They may do this in many ways: deliberately refusing to play by the rules, spouting offensive images or messages, ruining other players' progress, and much more. It may seem like it goes without saying, but if you're looking to make friends, don't be like this. Most serious players hate trolls ( especially when they're in a game with one.)

   • Note that deliberate trolling is a violation of the XBox live code of conduct and that repeated violations can result in suspensions and bans. ^[5]
2. 2
   Don't cheat. Playing against someone who's more skilled than you can be a challenge, but playing against someone with an unfair advantage just isn't very fun. No one likes to play with cheaters (except, sometimes, other cheaters), so this sort of behavior won't win you many friends. Imagine, for instance, that you're playing the latest Call of Duty game and you get killed over and over again by someone who has hacked his game to make his character invisible. Would you want to play with this person again? Of course not.

   • The XBox Live Code of Conduct defines cheating as using "unauthorized hardware or modifications," exploiting "game vulnerabilities or glitches," and much more.
3. 3
   Don't be verbally abusive. It's joke that's a bit of a cliché today, but it's often true: give a pre-teen player a microphone and drop him into a heated online game and he'll suddenly have the mouth of a full-grown sailor. Insults, threats, slurs, and bad language are unfortunately common in XBox Live games even though this behavior is against the code of conduct. ^[6] Luckily, it's easy to mute and ignore these sorts of players, which means that if you become abusive, this can quickly happen to you, ruining your chances of making friends.
4. 4
   Don't be ridiculously loud. When it comes to making friends and enemies in online games, sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it. It's natural to get a little excited about a competitive game. However, if you're playing with a headset, it's important to remember that there's a microphone an inch from your mouth and that anyone else with a headset has tiny speakers pressed against their ears. Try to avoid frequent shouting, cheering, or screaming — this is a good way to get yourself muted or kicked from the game, which will ruin your chances for making friends.

   • If you're playing a close game with a large group of people on voice chat that's coming down to the wire, some sort of noise at the end of the game is almost inevitable — who wouldn't be excited about a last-second win? Try to make the distinction between reasonable noise and annoying noise. For instance, it's OK to give a "whoo!" after an amazing victory. It's not OK to scream every time you die (as many hilarious YouTube videos can attest, yes, some people actually do this.)
5. 5
   Keep your prejudices to yourself. Online games are supposed to give everyone an equal opportunity to relax and have a good time. Making them inhospitable to other people because of things they can't control isn't just something that will lose you potential friends — it's outright wrong. Don't insult other players for aspects of their personal identity, use hate speech, or promote hateful violence on XBox Live. This behavior will instantly mark you as a bad apple to any sensible players in your game (and is grounds for a ban or suspension.) Just a few things that don't affect a person's ability to play XBox games include:

   • Race
   • Nationality
   • Language
   • Gender
   • Orientation
   • Religion
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