How to Talk to Your Teen About Drugs

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: October 11, 2022 References

Talking with your teen about drugs can be tough, but it’s an important conversation. Let your child know they can be honest with you, and ask them to share their thoughts on the topic. Allow them to express their opinion, but state your rules firmly, and warn them of the dangers of drug use. If you suspect your teen is using drugs, try to keep your cool, and raise your concerns with a direct, but delicate, tone.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Starting the Conversation

1
Factor in your family history when you plan the conversation. Before talking to your teen, take a mental inventory of any history of drug abuse, addiction, or mental health concerns in your family. You should also include if anyone in your family currently uses drugs, as this will likely come up. If necessary, put these details at the top of your list of topics to cover. Discussing their unique risk factors for abuse and addiction is more effective than a general “say no to drugs” lecture.
- When you make your plan, ensure you and any other co-parents are on the same page. You don’t want to send your child mixed messages about rules regarding drug use.
- Additionally, your teen might ask whether or not you’ve ever tried drugs. Deciding how to respond is a personal choice, but being honest can help you gain their trust. If you decided not to try drugs, tell them why. If you did, don’t glamorize your experiences, but share the lessons you learned. ^{[1]
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2
Choose a relaxed, distraction-free time and place to talk. It’s best to have any tough conversations with your child in a calm setting. Find a free block of time when neither of you will get called away for work, school, or other responsibilities. ^{[2]
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- You don’t need to talk about drugs for hours on end. Chatting for 15 or 20 minutes after dinner, before bed, or in the car is probably enough time. Unless you’re confronting them about drug use, you’ll have an easier time holding their attention with several short, “bite-sized” conversations. ^{[3]
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- Bringing up drugs for the first time during a car ride might help put your teen at ease. They’ll feel less pressure sitting side-by-side than with you staring at them face-to-face.
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3
Break the ice by asking your teen’s views on the topic. Your teen will probably tune out a long lecture, so start by asking for their input. Assure them that they can be honest with you, and tell them you just want to understand their point of view. Try mentioning a news story or a TV show plot about drugs, then ask if they have an opinion or any questions about it. ^{[4]
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- You could say, “Our state will be voting on medical marijuana next election. What do you think about the trend of legalizing or decriminalizing marijuana?”
- Connect news and media stories to their life, too. Ask them, “Someone only a little older than you passed away due to an opioid overdose in a neighboring town. Does anyone at school use opioids? How do you feel about it?”
4
Consider scheduling a family meeting, for a direct approach. Depending on your family dynamic, it may be helpful to approach the subject in a family meeting attended by all adults and teens in the household. Explain that the topic of the meeting is drugs. Acknowledge drugs exist and what they are, then explain your household rules regarding drugs. Tell them they can ask questions and discuss their views or concerns, then let them know they can come to you if they need help in the future.
- Say, "As you get older, you'll likely be offered drugs, if you haven't been already. We're going to discuss our rules for drugs in this family."
- If your teen doesn't say much, follow up with them later to find out their views and if they have questions or concerns.
5
Check their body language when they respond. See if they’re relaxed and giving honest answers. If something seems off, try to figure out if they’re being shy, if they seem like they’re hiding something, or they’re giving you fluff answers they think you want to hear. ^{[5]
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- Trust your instincts, and let your observations inform your own responses.
6
Talk to them like an adult when you respond. A condescending lecture is the quickest way to lose your teen’s attention. Allow them to finish speaking without interrupting them, make natural eye contact (not a threatening stare) and, when appropriate, say things like, “That’s a good point,” or “I can see you’ve thought a lot about this.” ^{[6]
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- Even if you think they’re just telling you what you want to hear, don’t accuse them of lying.
- You could gently press them by saying, “You can be honest with me. You don’t have to say ‘There’s absolutely no one at school who drinks or does drugs,’ or ‘I would never, ever try drugs or alcohol.’”
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Encouraging Your Teen to Avoid Drugs

1
Explain the dangers of drug use in realistic terms. Be sincere and rational, and avoid placing all forms of drugs and alcohol use on the same level. Acknowledge that some drugs can be more dangerous than others, but affirm that drinking or trying drugs even once is risky. ^{[7]
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Child Mind Institute
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Go to source} Additionally, help your teen learn to focus on the science about a drug, not just street knowledge or what people say. ^{[8]
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- Say, “Heroin might kill more people than marijuana, and drinking 10 beers is different than sipping on 1. However, drugs and alcohol are always risky. All drug addicts and abusers tried something just once. And if a police officer catches you around drugs or alcohol, you’ll get in trouble, even if you’ve just taken 1 sip.”
- Help them understand that decisions they make now can affect them forever, as drugs can affect your brain. It might take time to experience the consequences, but drug use will catch up to them. ^{[9]
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2
State your rules and consequences clearly. While you should hear them out, you still need to enforce clear boundaries. Don’t leave any doubt where you stand, and tell them that drug use, including “experimenting,” is unacceptable. ^{[10]
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- Say, “I understand being a teen is tough and that you face a lot of pressure. However, drugs, including tobacco and alcohol, are dangerous. I love you, and it’s my job to keep you safe and out of trouble.”
- In addition, let them know how you plan to handle the natural consequences of drug use. For example, "If you get kicked off the football team because you used drugs, I'm going to support the school's decision."
3
Set firm rules, but leave room for conditional amnesty. Let them know that their safety is more important to you than punishing them. Tell them if they're in trouble and ask for help, the consequences won't be as severe than if they lie. ^{[11]
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- Say, “Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Call me if you’re with friends and they start using drugs, or if you’re pressured to get in a car driven by someone who’s been drinking. Your safety is more important to me than punishing you.”
4
Bring up examples and hypothetical situations. Read news stories or accounts of former addicts, and mention them to your teen. Ask them to imagine themselves in that situation to deepen their understanding of the consequences they could face. ^{[12]
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- For example, say, “A high school senior got caught with pot by the police and lost their college financial aid. What would you do if you were in their shoes? Is using drugs or trying to look cool more important than your dream of becoming an engineer?”
5
Help your teen learn to commit to their own goals and values. It's easier to refuse drugs and stand by that decision if you know why you're doing it. Assist your teen in identifying the goals and values they hold, and examine how drug use contradicts with them. Then, help your teen put this into words.
- For example, your teen may want to be an engineer, but drug use can harm their brain and thinking process. They might learn to say, "I don't want to do drugs because it might harm my chances of being an engineer."
6
Discuss other ways they can resist peer pressure. To show that you respect their judgment, ask them to think of strategies for resisting peer pressure. Offer your own suggestions, too; tell them that they should be confident enough to just say they don’t want to try drugs or alcohol. You can also mention that it’s okay to make an excuse if they’re afraid their friends will make fun of them. ^{[13]
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- Suggest that they simply say, “Thanks but no thanks. I don’t smoke (or drink or use drugs).”
- If they’re worried about saving face, they could say, “I can’t, I have practice tomorrow and have to be fresh.” They could volunteer to be designated driver, say they have a busy day tomorrow, or tell their friends that their parents drug test them.
- Remind them that a true friend wouldn’t pressure them to drink or do drugs. Say, “I understand if you’re afraid no one will like you if you say no. Just keep in mind people who make fun of you for looking out for your best interests are not your friends.”
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Helping Your Teen if They’re Using Drugs

1
Keep your tone calm and direct when you bring up your suspicions. If you believe your teen is using drugs, the best strategy is to ask direct questions without shouting or making accusations. If you get angry, panic, or confront them during an argument, your child will put up walls. You’ll have more luck getting them to open up if you approach them calmly. ^{[14]
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- Additionally, don’t bring up your suspicions when your teen is drunk or high. Hold off on approaching them until you’ve cooled down and they’re sober and lucid.
2
Use “I” statements and ask questions instead of accusing them. Threats and ultimatums are non-starters, but “I” statements and open-ended questions can keep a conversation going. Sometimes, teens turn to drugs to cope with deep insecurity or to self-medicate. Expressing empathy is more productive than telling them that they’re bad or disappointing. ^{[15]
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Health information from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
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- Try saying, “I’ve noticed some changes, and it seems like you’re going through something. I love you very much, I’m worried about you. Sometimes people act in these ways when they start using drugs and things begin to get out of their control.”
- Ask them, “Could you be honest and let me know if I should be concerned? No matter what’s going on, I want to help you. You’re not alone, and some things are too big for anyone to handle by themselves.”
3
Prioritize your child’s safety over punishing them. It’s normal to feel shocked, angry, and sad after finding evidence of drug use or hearing that your teen is using drugs. However, do your best to take control over your emotions. Your knee-jerk reaction might be to scream or issue a harsh punishment, but your teen’s well-being should be your first priority. ^{[16]
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- Try to stay calm, and use your best judgment when deliberating consequences. If you found out they went to a party and drank, warn them of the dangers, remind them of your rules, and ground them. If they’re regularly using drugs or drinking, getting them help is the top priority.
- Grounding your child or taking away their cell phone won’t stop them from getting a substance if they suffer from addiction. If they have a problem, get them treatment, then handle consequences later.
4
Tell them firmly that you are getting them professional treatment. Maintain an empathetic tone, but do not negotiate when it comes to getting help. If your teen is a minor, remind them that you’re in charge of their well-being and that you have the final say. ^{[17]
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- Keep in mind that your teen's recovery will likely include family therapy, so choose a program that includes it.
- Don’t phrase treatment as a threat. Instead, say, “It’s clear that your safety is at risk. Your well-being is my top priority, so I’m pulling rank. We’re going to talk to a therapist and pursue whichever course of action they recommend.”
- If they’re over 18, you might have limited options at your disposal. Finances might be your best leverage, especially if they still live with you. If they refuse to get help and you’re not able to have them committed to a rehab facility, you might have to accept that their decisions are beyond your control.
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Tips

Provide a good example for your teen. If you drink, do so in moderation, and never get behind the wheel after drinking. ^{[18]
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Self-confidence can empower them to resist peer pressure, so give them opportunities to boost their self-esteem. Encourage them to learn new skills, join clubs and sports teams, and take up new hobbies. ^{[19]
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Bring up drugs and alcohol early, and modify your language to suit your child’s age and maturity level. Try to make open discussions part of your family culture.

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Warnings

Signs of drug use may include sudden changes in sleep patterns and weight, extreme behavioral changes, irresponsible or risky behavior, lower grades, and withdrawal from normal activities. ^{[20]
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Finding paraphernalia, such as medicine containers or pipes, in their bedroom is an obvious red flag, and indicates your child hasn’t just tried a substance once or twice. This means they want the substance badly enough to risk keeping paraphernalia in the house. ^{[21]
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If you believe your child is suffering from addiction, it’s important to see a licensed therapist or child psychologist. If necessary, they can recommend a treatment program. Substances that cause symptoms of withdrawal, such as heroin, require medical support. ^{[22]
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How to Talk to Your Teen About Drugs

Steps

Starting the Conversation

Encouraging Your Teen to Avoid Drugs

Helping Your Teen if They’re Using Drugs

Expert Q&A

Tips

Warnings

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