How to Deal with a 3‐Year‐Old's Tantrums

Tantrums are common in 3 year olds, but they can be frustrating to deal with. If you have a 3 year old who’s having a tantrum right now, you might be looking for ways to calm your child and stop the tantrum. There are also strategies you can use to prevent future tantrums. Tantrums usually become less common after the age of 4, but in some kids the tantrums may get worse. Make sure to speak with your child’s doctor and seek help for any ongoing behavioral issues.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Dealing with a Tantrum in the Moment

  1. Take a few deep breaths and stay calm. Your child can detect your mood and, if you’re visibly frustrated, this may cause them to become more upset. Take a moment to breathe deeply and calm yourself down if you’re feeling frustrated by your child’s tantrum. [1]
    • If you can’t calm yourself while your child is throwing a tantrum, leave the room for a few minutes.
    • Put on a bracelet that you can lightly snap against your wrist to help you stay calm during their tantrum. [2]
  2. If your child starts to get upset, you might be able to distract them and head off a tantrum before it gets out of control. Direct your child’s attention to a toy, game, or something else and see if this stops the tantrum from becoming full blown. [3]
    • For example, if your child starts to show signs of an oncoming tantrum in the grocery store, you might ask them, “Which kind of cereal do you want for breakfast this week?” Or, you could pull out a snack or a toy for your child to play with as you finish up your grocery shopping.
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  3. Don't allow your child to throw a tantrum where it might disturb other people, such as in a restaurant or grocery store. If your child begins to throw a tantrum in a public place, take them somewhere else until they calm down. [4]
    • For example, you might take your child outside for a few minutes, head to your car and sit with them, or even go into a restroom with them.
    • Removing your child from the situation may also help to calm them down, especially  if it’s part of what triggered the tantrum.
  4. Your child doesn't have tantrums to intentionally upset you. They are often a response to extreme emotions that can be confusing and uncomfortable for your child. Offering them a hug, holding them, or patting them on the back during a tantrum may help to soothe them. [5] [6]

    Warning : Never hit or yell at your child to discipline them for having a tantrum. This is likely to upset them more and may make the tantrum worse.

  5. Once your child has stopped screaming and crying, you can start to figure out what they were upset about. Ask your child what upset them so much and listen to their response. Try to help them see that talking to you about the problem is a better way of dealing with it than getting upset. [7]
    • Try saying something like, “I didn’t know that you were hungry because you didn’t tell me. Now I know and we can get you a snack.”
    • Make sure to hug your child and reassure them that everything is okay after the tantrum.
  6. If your child is behaving in an unacceptable way, such as biting, hitting, or throwing things, a time out may be necessary. Gently place your child on a chair away from distractions, such as the TV, toys, and books. Have your child sit there for 3 minutes and explain to them that whatever they were doing is not okay. [8]
    • For example, you might tell your child, “Hitting is not nice. Sit here for a few minutes and think about that.”
    • If your child gets up before time is up, gently place them back in the seat. However, don’t try to extend the time as your 3 year old is unlikely to stay still for more than a few minutes.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Preventing Future Tantrums

  1. Your child is more likely to throw a tantrum if they’re tired, so maintain a regular nap and bedtime schedule for your child. Put your child to bed at the same time each night and put them down for a nap at the same time each day. [9]
    • For example, if your child’s bedtime is 7:30 pm, make sure they are in bed at 7:30 pm every night.
  2. Hunger may also predispose your child to tantrums, so avoid letting your child get too hungry. Feed them their meals and snacks at the same time each day. If you go out for the day, bring plenty of snacks and drinks along with you. [10]
    • For example, if you take your child to the grocery store with you, stash a granola bar or a banana in your bag and keep your child’s water bottle with you.
  3. Deciding where to draw the line with your child’s requests can be difficult sometimes. Consider whether your child is making a reasonable request before you tell them “no.” If they are, then you might want to give in a little bit to keep the peace. [11]
    • For example, if your child wants to play for a few more minutes at the playground, letting them might prevent a tantrum.

    Tip : Use your judgment and don’t give in every time you feel a tantrum coming on as this may result in your child using tantrums to get what they want. Make sure that your child understands that there are limits and that they can’t push you to do everything they want.

  4. Sometimes children respond better when you offer them choices instead of telling them what to do. This may help to head off future tantrums and give your child a sense of independence and confidence. [12]
    • For example, if you’re trying to get your child to eat more vegetables, you might say, “Would you like peas or carrots with dinner tonight?”
    • Or, if your child is upset because they want to choose their own clothes, you might present them with 3 or 4 different weather-appropriate options.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Heading off Future Problems

  1. for positive behavior. The more you acknowledge your child’s good behavior, the more they will be likely to repeat it. If your child does something positive, praise them for it! This can be anything from picking up their toys to eating their vegetables to sharing with a friend. Say something to show your child that you noticed what they did and that you’re proud of them. [13]
    • For example, if your child patiently waits their turn to go down a slide at the park, you might say something like, “I saw you waiting so patiently on the slide! You did such a great job!”
    • If your child accomplishes something big for them, such as telling you they are upset instead of having a tantrum, then you could also give them a small reward for that, such as a new toy, a visit to the park, or watching an episode of a favorite TV show.

    Tip : Your child looks to you as a role model for how to behave, so make sure that you model good behavior for your child. Pick up after yourself, eat your vegetables, and keep your cool when something upsets you. [14]

  2. If your child has not yet learned to speak or if they are limited in their vocabulary, it’s important to speak with your child’s doctor about this. They may require early interventions to help them develop their language skills. In the meantime, teaching them sign language for important things may help them to communicate their needs to you. [15]
    • For example, you could teach your child a sign for common words like “drink,” “hungry,” “tired,” and “hurt.”
    • Repeat the sign along with the word each time you say it so that your child will see what it means. You can also help them to make the sign with their hand.
  3. If your child’s tantrums do not improve, talk with your child’s doctor about them. Seeking help early may help to head off behavioral problems further down the road, such as when your child starts school. Some signs that you may need to talk with your child’s doctor include: [16]
    • Holding their breath until they faint during a tantrum
    • Harming themselves or others during tantrums
    • Not speaking at an age-appropriate level
    • Having worse tantrums after the age of 4 [17]
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Is it best to ignore a toddler's tantrums?
    Denise Stern
    Parenting Specialist
    Denise Stern is a Parenting Specialist and the CEO of Let Mommy Sleep, the country’s leading Baby Nurse and Postpartum Care service. After her own postpartum challenges, Denise started Let Mommy Sleep in 2010 to lend an extra hand to families with newborns. The service started by hiring Baby Nurses and Newborn Caregivers to provide childcare and education to parents during night hours. To this day, Denise and her company specialize in providing nurturing care to newborns and evidence-based education to their parents. Denise was the US Chamber of Commerce Leading Woman-Owned Business in 2013, a Washington FAMILY Magazine Mother of the Year in 2016, and on the elite White House Summit for Working Families hosted by the President and First Lady Obama in 2014. Let Mommy Sleep is the only company in the US that has developed a postpartum care curriculum that has since won a local government contract. Denise continues to be a leader in the in-home newborn care industry by building and maintaining a team of newborn care experts, baby nurses (RN/LPN) and postpartum doulas across the US. She received a BA in Public Relations from North Carolina State University.
    Denise Stern
    Parenting Specialist
    Expert Answer
    Validate their feelings and let them know that you hear what they have to say to help them calm down.
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  • Question
    How do I deal with a screaming 3-year-old?
    Denise Stern
    Parenting Specialist
    Denise Stern is a Parenting Specialist and the CEO of Let Mommy Sleep, the country’s leading Baby Nurse and Postpartum Care service. After her own postpartum challenges, Denise started Let Mommy Sleep in 2010 to lend an extra hand to families with newborns. The service started by hiring Baby Nurses and Newborn Caregivers to provide childcare and education to parents during night hours. To this day, Denise and her company specialize in providing nurturing care to newborns and evidence-based education to their parents. Denise was the US Chamber of Commerce Leading Woman-Owned Business in 2013, a Washington FAMILY Magazine Mother of the Year in 2016, and on the elite White House Summit for Working Families hosted by the President and First Lady Obama in 2014. Let Mommy Sleep is the only company in the US that has developed a postpartum care curriculum that has since won a local government contract. Denise continues to be a leader in the in-home newborn care industry by building and maintaining a team of newborn care experts, baby nurses (RN/LPN) and postpartum doulas across the US. She received a BA in Public Relations from North Carolina State University.
    Denise Stern
    Parenting Specialist
    Expert Answer
    Sometimes, they may just need to scream it out for a little while. Toddlers don't know how to express themselves well at their age so it may take a little while.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
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    Not Helpful 0 Helpful 1
  • Question
    How do you calm a toddler tantrum?
    Denise Stern
    Parenting Specialist
    Denise Stern is a Parenting Specialist and the CEO of Let Mommy Sleep, the country’s leading Baby Nurse and Postpartum Care service. After her own postpartum challenges, Denise started Let Mommy Sleep in 2010 to lend an extra hand to families with newborns. The service started by hiring Baby Nurses and Newborn Caregivers to provide childcare and education to parents during night hours. To this day, Denise and her company specialize in providing nurturing care to newborns and evidence-based education to their parents. Denise was the US Chamber of Commerce Leading Woman-Owned Business in 2013, a Washington FAMILY Magazine Mother of the Year in 2016, and on the elite White House Summit for Working Families hosted by the President and First Lady Obama in 2014. Let Mommy Sleep is the only company in the US that has developed a postpartum care curriculum that has since won a local government contract. Denise continues to be a leader in the in-home newborn care industry by building and maintaining a team of newborn care experts, baby nurses (RN/LPN) and postpartum doulas across the US. She received a BA in Public Relations from North Carolina State University.
    Denise Stern
    Parenting Specialist
    Expert Answer
    Try soothing your child with affection. You might offer a hug, pat them on the back, or hold them. Tantrums are your child's reaction to extreme emotions, so offering comfort can help.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
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      Tips

      • Make sure to give your child age appropriate toys and games. A child may become frustrated by something that is beyond their skill level and this might lead to a tantrum. [18]
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      Warnings

      • Monitor your child’s stress levels during major life transitions, such as a divorce, moving to a new city, or after the arrival of a new sibling. [19]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.babycenter.com/0_tantrums-why-they-happen-and-how-to-handle-them_63649.bc
      2. ↑ Denise Stern. Parenting Specialist. Expert Interview
      3. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/toddler-tantrums.html
      4. ↑ https://www.babycenter.com/0_tantrums-why-they-happen-and-how-to-handle-them_63649.bc
      5. ↑ Denise Stern. Parenting Specialist. Expert Interview
      6. ↑ https://www.babycenter.com/0_tantrums-why-they-happen-and-how-to-handle-them_63649.bc
      7. ↑ https://www.babycenter.com/0_tantrums-why-they-happen-and-how-to-handle-them_63649.bc
      8. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/toddler-tantrums.html
      9. ↑ https://www.babycenter.com/0_tantrums-why-they-happen-and-how-to-handle-them_63649.bc
      1. ↑ https://www.babycenter.com/0_tantrums-why-they-happen-and-how-to-handle-them_63649.bc
      2. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/toddler-tantrums.html
      3. ↑ https://www.babycenter.com/0_tantrums-why-they-happen-and-how-to-handle-them_63649.bc
      4. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/toddler-tantrums.html
      5. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/toddler-tantrums.html
      6. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/tantrum/art-20047845
      7. ↑ https://www.babycenter.com/0_tantrums-why-they-happen-and-how-to-handle-them_63649.bc
      8. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/tantrum/art-20047845
      9. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/toddler-tantrums.html
      10. ↑ https://www.babycenter.com/0_tantrums-why-they-happen-and-how-to-handle-them_63649.bc

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