Q&A for How to Refer to a Non‐Binary Person

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  • Question
    How should I address a non-binary student in my P.E. class when separating boys and girls?
    Community Answer
    Ask the student about their preferred pronouns and use their name. If you're unsure which group they prefer to join, have a private conversation with them to discuss their comfort level.
  • Question
    How can I remember to use the correct pronouns for my non-binary friend?
    Community Answer
    Practice regularly and correct yourself if you make a mistake. Over time, it will become easier to remember and use the correct pronouns.
  • Question
    What should I call a non-binary person I am dating, since "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" might not be appropriate?
    Community Answer
    You can refer to them as your "partner" or "significant other," or ask them what they would prefer to be called.
  • Question
    What title should I use for a non-binary monarch?
    Community Answer
    Consider using "royal," "ruler," or "their majesty." If it's for a character you're creating, you can choose the title. Otherwise, it's best to ask the person directly.
  • Question
    What do I call a non-binary brother/sister?
    Community Answer
    Instead of calling them a brother or sister, call them a sibling.
  • Question
    I feel like I may be non-binary. I'm afraid people will assume my gender just because, for example, sometimes I have my "boyish" days, but still like to wear something feminine at times. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    It is likely that people will sometimes accidentally assume your gender. The best thing you can do is politely correct them and move on with your day.
  • Question
    How should I refer to my non-binary child, as my son or daughter?
    Community Answer
    You should ask your child what they prefer to be called. If unsure, use "my child."
  • Question
    I live in California, where people say "dude" a lot. Is it okay to use "dude" for non-binary people too?
    Community Answer
    Some non-binary people are okay with that, since the word "dude" has become pretty gender-neutral. If you're not sure, though, it never hurts to ask the non-binary person if it's okay.
  • Question
    How can I introduce a nonbinary character in a story that traditionally starts with "Once upon a time there was a girl/boy"?
    Aria.the.foodie
    Community Answer
    You can say, "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful person." If referring to a teenager, you might use "a teen."
  • Question
    Do non-binary people prefer to express themselves in a more masculine or feminine way?
    Community Answer
    Non-binary people express themselves in diverse ways. Some may lean more towards masculinity, others towards femininity, and some may shift between these expressions over time. It all depends on the individual.
  • Question
    Should I change my name to something unisex when coming out as non-binary, and should I discuss this with my parents?
    Community Answer
    Changing your name is a deeply personal choice, so take time to reflect on what feels right for you, and consider discussing it with your parents if you feel comfortable doing so.
  • Question
    Why shouldn't I use the birth name of a non-binary person?
    Community Answer
    Using a non-binary person's birth name without their permission is disrespectful. Always ask for and use their preferred name and pronouns.
  • Question
    If I like a non-binary person, am I straight, gay, bi, or something else entirely?
    Community Answer
    You could just be attracted to this one non-binary person, it doesn't have to dictate how you identify your sexuality. Most people use the term "pansexual" to refer to someone who can be attracted to anyone, regardless of gender/gender identity, so that might suit you. The word "skoliosexual" is used to describe people who are only/mainly attracted to non-binary people. Again, it's totally your choice how you want to identify.
  • Question
    What if I don't personally believe that someone can be non-binary?
    Community Answer
    It's not your place to tell someone what they do and do not think, and it doesn't hurt you in the least to respect someone's pronouns.
  • Question
    What should a modernized birth certificate include?
    Community Answer
    A modernized birth certificate should include the time, place, and nationality of birth, as well as the names of the parents for the child's reference. It should also provide spaces for individuals to later fill in details such as their name and gender identity.
  • Question
    What are some alternatives to using "ma'am" and "sir" when addressing someone?
    Community Answer
    You can use "Mx" (pronounced like "mux") as a gender-neutral alternative to "ma'am" and "sir."
  • Question
    Is "nibling" a suitable alternative to "niece" or "nephew"?
    Community Answer
    "Nibling" is an appropriate and inclusive alternative, provided it is acceptable to both the child's parents and the child.
  • Question
    What about a neutral term for niece/nephew?
    Community Answer
    "Nibling" could be a good term, if your sibling's child likes it. Or say "my brother's/sister's/sibling's child," depending on the gender of the parent you're related to. In person, you can just call them by their name.
  • Question
    Can I identify as non-binary even if I have a feminine appearance and a traditionally female name?
    Community Answer
    Yes, you can identify as non-binary regardless of your appearance or name. You don't need to change them unless it would make you feel more comfortable.
  • Question
    What title should I use for a non-binary person instead of Mr. or Ms., especially if they are a teacher?
    Community Answer
    A common alternative is "Mx," pronounced like "mix." However, it's always best to ask the non-binary person what title they prefer.
  • Question
    Can I identify as non-binary while presenting in a feminine way?
    Louisa
    Community Answer
    Absolutely! Your identity is personal, and you can choose to present as feminine all the time or whenever you like while still identifying as non-binary.
  • Question
    How can I address my family using my birth name and pronouns instead of my preferred ones?
    Tyae
    Community Answer
    Communicate clearly with your family about your discomfort with their use of your birth name and pronouns, and explain how it affects you. If possible, seek supportive environments where you can express your identity freely, and consider setting boundaries to protect your well-being.
  • Question
    What are some terms a partner can use to refer to a non-binary person?
    Community Answer
    Your partner can use terms like "partner," "significant other," or "date mate." Choose whatever feels right for both of you.
  • Question
    Can I be non-binary and use both binary and non-binary pronouns, like "he" and "they"?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Yes, you can be non-binary and use any pronouns that feel right for you. If you're comfortable with "he" and "they," you can use both, and others can follow your lead.
  • Question
    What does it mean if I identify as non-binary but am only attracted to men?
    Community Answer
    Identifying as non-binary means your gender identity doesn't fit strictly within the categories of male or female, and it doesn't affect your sexual attraction to others. It's perfectly valid to be non-binary and be attracted to men or any other gender.
  • Question
    Is it common to prefer they/them pronouns but still be comfortable with he/him or she/her pronouns?
    Lynnord Bercu
    Community Answer
    It's common for some people to have a preference for they/them pronouns while being comfortable with other pronouns. Everyone's experience with gender and pronouns is unique, and there's no right or wrong way to feel about it.
  • Question
    How do I identify my sexuality if I'm non-binary and only attracted to men?
    Lynnord Bercu
    Community Answer
    You could identify as an androphile, a term for those attracted to men. However, non-binary people might also describe themselves as straight, gay, or queer, depending on their gender identity, their assigned gender at birth, or what feels right to them.
  • Question
    What should I call a non-binary parent instead of "mom" or "dad"?
    Lynnord Bercu
    Community Answer
    You might use terms like "rennie" for a non-binary parent, or they may still prefer "mom" or "dad," depending on their personal preference.
  • Question
    What's the best way to address a non-binary person in a formal setting?
    Community Answer
    The safest option is to use the honorific "Mx.," pronounced like the word "mix."
  • Question
    Am I considered transgender if I am biologically male, identify as non-binary, and use he/him and they/them pronouns?
    Ruby
    Top Answerer
    Whether you identify as transgender is a personal decision. Transgender typically refers to someone whose gender identity differs from their birth sex. Some non-binary people identify as transgender, while others do not, based on personal factors like dysphoria or community connection. Ultimately, you decide if the term fits your identity.
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