How to Leave a Friend Group Without Any Drama (IRL & Online)

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Plus, alternatives to leaving the group
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Friendships don’t always last. If you have a group of friends who are domineering, annoying, or otherwise bad for your health, it’s right to think about leaving them. Leaving a group of friends can be sudden or gradual. It should always be honest, though (unless it’s unsafe). In this article, we work with a school counselor and professional organizer to explain the different ways to leave a friend group while staying honest. We also talk about alternatives to leaving , knowing when to leave , and more! Read on to learn how to keep your exit graceful.

How to Leave a Group of Friends

Wind down how much you interact with the group. Slowly pull back and stop showing up to events. Fill your time with hobbies, new friends, and whatever else keeps you busy. As you distance yourself, continue to pour into new friends and hobbies. Eventually, your place in the previous friend group will dissolve.

Section 1 of 5:

Ways to Leave Your Friend Group

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  1. Make a slow, steady exit from a group of friends by letting things fade out. [1] According to school counselor Katie Styzek, unless your friends are engaged in something dangerous or illegal, there’s usually no need to leave a group of friends all at once. [2] To avoid hurting their feelings, gradually spend less time with them until eventually you don’t see each other anymore.
    • Stop sharing intimate details and events in your life. Don’t answer calls and texts immediately. Gradually close the doors to your personal life.
    • Styzek says to invest the time you used to spend with your group of friends with other friends, or take up a new hobby . [3]
    • Over time, your friends will become casual acquaintances, and then you can disconnect from them altogether.
    • Be aware that your friends may have questions. They may ask why you are so distant, what is wrong, if you are okay, etc. Prepare yourself to answer these questions honestly.
  2. 2
    Fill up your schedule with new activities to stay busy. Reach out to old friends and schedule coffee dates. Sign up for classes you’ve always wanted to take and make new friends there. Pick up extra shifts at work. Whatever you do, fill up your schedule so whenever the friend group you’re trying to distance yourself from reaches out, you’ll be too busy to commit to any plans. Eventually, they’ll take the hint and realize you don’t want to be around them anymore.
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  3. The most direct way to leave a group of friends is to talk to them about your choice to leave. You can tell the group all at once or on an individualized basis that you’ll be ending your friendship with them. It may be awkward, though, as members of the group may have lots of questions about why you’re leaving and what led to your decision. [5]
    • Example: “I wanted to talk to you about my place in this friend group. I’m afraid that we aren’t aligning like we used to, and I believe the best thing for me is to leave the group. I hope you all understand. I’m here to answer any of your questions!”
    • If you are very close with all members of the group of friends, you should probably tell all of them at once.
    • If you’re closer with certain friends in the group than others, tell the friends you are closest with first, then inform the rest of your decision afterwards.
    • Prepare carefully if you intend to address the whole group of friends about your leaving. Use note cards or a notebook to help you express everything you need to.
  4. This may seem cold and heartless, but it may be appropriate if the friend group is abusive or harmful. Don’t cut contact just because you don't want to deal with the awkwardness of being honest with them or answering questions, though. Parting with empathy, integrity, and honesty will be better in the long run, as the door will always be open to rekindle the connection.
    • Cutting contact without giving your friends an explanation may leave you with a lingering feeling of having to "dodge" people or avoid them later in life.
    • If you do choose this method, do not explain or respond to their calls, texts, or emails. To really cut them out, block the group of friends on social media, too.
    • This method may likely result in you burning a lot of bridges, as people don’t tend to take kindly to being ignored and left in the dust without any explanation.
  5. Styzek suggests throwing a goodbye party to commemorate your exit from the friend group. [6] If you’re moving away for a job or to attend university, you might be leaving a group of friends you love and who care about you. In this case, throw a party with them! Use the party to celebrate your shared friendship and reminisce about all the good times you’ve had together. [7]
    • Do something you all love — go to your favorite water park or dine at your favorite restaurant, for instance.
    • Styzek says to use social media, texts, and emails to stay in touch with friends you really care about. [8]
    • Visit them when you get the chance.
    • Write each friend in the group a letter telling them how much you care about them. Thank them for their friendship, and cite specific instances in which they demonstrated what a good friend they were.
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Section 2 of 5:

How to Act When Leaving the Friend Group

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  1. If your friends insist on an explanation as to why you’re leaving the group, be honest , no matter what your reasons are. For example, don’t tell your friends that you are moving out of state just to avoid them or leave the group. Instead, be open and honest about why you want or need to leave the group of friends. [9]
    • If it’s easier for you to express yourself in writing, consider sending an email or letter to a group of friends (or the ringleader of a group of friends) explaining your grievances.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1144 wikiHow readers what the most important thing to keep in mind when breaking up with someone is, and 58% of them said being honest, but not unnecessarily harsh. [Take Poll] This is important for friendship breakups, as well.
  2. Try to find a way to be honest and respectful at the same time . For instance, if you’re leaving a group of friends because they no longer share your interests or you find them very boring, try a diplomatic approach by explaining to them that “I just have a hard time relating to you.” Don’t rub the fact that you’re leaving the group in their faces.
    • Emphasize your own feelings and point of view, and avoid accusatory “you” statements like “You are very boring.”
    • Lies will only lead to more lies. It’s best to be honest about your reasons for leaving a group.
    • Sometimes vague answers work best, since they can be both honest and respectful. For instance, “I’m busy,” or “I’ve been traveling,” may work as explanations for friends who want to know why you aren’t spending as much time with them.
  3. Friends — especially friends of long standing — will often try to pull you back into the group. Be firm in your decision to leave the group. Don’t give in to group pressure or bullying. Instead, calmly decline their invitations and let them know that you’re serious about your decision to leave the group. [10]
    • For instance, if someone tries to get you to remain in the group of friends, say, “I’m sorry, I am very busy.” Or “We've had some great times but I need some time apart from the group right now.”
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Section 3 of 5:

Exploring Alternatives to Leaving a Group of Friends

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  1. Talk to your group of friends about the behavior(s) that you find unacceptable. For instance, if your friends consistently exclude you, try talking to at least one friend in the group privately. Perhaps they were not deliberately excluding you, and when you alert them to your feelings, they will correct their behavior and include you more often. [11]
    • Example: “Hey, can we talk about what’s been going on with the group? Lately, I’ve been feeling excluded from hangouts, and I wanted to see if you knew what’s been going on.
    • Example: “Honestly, I’ve been feeling excluded from the group lately, and it hasn’t felt very good. Can we talk about what’s been going on?”
  2. Sometimes you can use a long trial separation from your friends to see if you’re truly happy leaving your group of friends. Use the time apart from your group of friends to see how you feel without them in your life. Styzek suggests looking for new friends , exploring your hobbies, and spending time with close family members. [12]
    • If you find you are happier during the separation, you can extend it into a full break from the group of friends.
    • If, on the other hand, you find that you miss your friends, you should use the brief period of reflection to remind yourself why your friends aren’t so bad, and reconnect with the group when you have a chance. Tell them that you’ve missed them and can’t wait to see them again.
    • To find friends who are a good influence, Styzek suggests asking classmates to go to the library with you, to join a volunteer group with you, starting a study club, or simply walking with someone who cares about being on time. [13]
  3. While it is good to abandon friends who are engaging in negative behaviors, it is also worth trying to steer them away from their negative choices and help them see the error of their ways. Before leaving a group of friends engaged in illicit or immoral behavior, take proactive steps to help them reform. [14]
    • If your friends are abusing drugs or alcohol, encourage them to join Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous and seek counseling for their addiction.
    • If your friends want you to join them in stealing or vandalizing property, discourage them from doing so. Remind them of the trouble they could get in if caught, and propose an alternative activity like seeing a movie.
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Section 4 of 5:

Signs It’s Time to Leave Your Friends

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  1. Controlling friends may constantly try to make the group your only social outlet. They might even badmouth your other friends, family, or significant other in an effort to pressure you into spending less time with them. If this sounds like the group you’re currently rolling with, it’s best to leave as soon as possible. [15]
  2. People often do what they see others do. Whether for good or ill, friends are a major influence in your life. If your friends engage in negative behaviors, consider leaving the group before you get yourself into trouble with them. You should consider leaving your group of friends if they: [16]
    • Steal goods from stores
    • Abuse drugs and alcohol
    • Vandalize public or private property
    • Engage in other immoral or illegal acts
  3. If your friends often ignore you when arranging outings, you should think about leaving them. This might be an indirect form of bullying (known as bullying by exclusion). Friends who do this usually don’t value your company, and most of the time, they aren’t friends at all. [17]
  4. If you have a group of friends who only want to spend time with you when they need something, they are bad friends. [18] If you’re providing money, food, or a place to crash for your group of friends and your generosity is not being reciprocated, you are being taken advantage of and should leave the group. [19]
  5. If your friends are always trying to one-up you, it’s time to leave that group of friends. Avoid friends who try to minimize your accomplishments. They tend to be bad friends who aren’t worth keeping. [20]
    • For example, if you tell your friends that you got a 93% on your test, and they brag that your score isn’t that great because they scored even higher, that’s a sign that they’re bad friends.
    • Conversely, if you say that you’re having a bad day, and your friends insist that they are having even worse days, consider leaving the friend group.
  6. Spending time with friends should make us feel invigorated, refreshed, and energized. So if you find yourself drained after every hangout with your friend group, longing for friends that reinvigorate you instead, it may be time to think about your place in the friend group. [21]
    • If you find yourself making excuses to avoid your group of friends, they are probably not good for your mental health.
    • Friends who wear you out with their complaints, drama, or criticism may not be the best company to keep.
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Section 5 of 5:

How to Leave a Group of Friends Online

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  1. 1
    Consider other ways to solve your issues before leaving. Online groups can be a great source of connection, so consider whether muting the group or going offline for a bit would help quell some of your issues. If you try those things and they don’t work, then it’s time to head out. [22]
    • Muting the group chat will still result in notifications, your phone just won’t vibrate or make noise.
  2. 2
    To leave a Facebook group, head to the group page and click Leave. Once you’ve decided that it’s time to leave that old Facebook group you joined during your first year in college, head to facebook.com/groups and select the group you want to leave. Click Joined in the top right corner, then click Leave group . Select Leave Group again when prompted to confirm your exit.
  3. 3
    To leave an Instagram group DM, open the group settings and click Leave. If you’ve got a pesky group DM that’s always blowing up your phone and leaving your Instagrams bloated, open the group and click the name in the top left corner to open the group settings. Just below the name and the profile picture, you’ll find Leave on the bottom right. Click it, then click the red Leave button on the following screen when prompted. [23]
  4. 4
    To leave a Snapchat group, press and hold on the group and click Leave. When you’re ready to leave that old Snapchat group from high school, swipe right from the camera to open the Chat screen, then find the group you wish to leave. Hold down on the group icon on the left side of the screen, then tap the red Leave Group button when prompted. [24]
  5. 5
    To leave an iMessage group, tap the group icon and select Leave this Conversation. With how endless the text notifications can be, it’s good that Apple’s made it simple to leave a conversation on iMessage. All you have to do is tap the name or icon of your group on the upper half of the screen, scroll down, and select Leave this conversation . So when you’re fed up with those friends who are constantly sending AI-generated conspiracy theories, it’s easy to get out of the conversation. [25]
  6. 6
    Shoot a quick explanatory text if someone reaches out. After leaving the group chat or group, you may have a few people text you personally to see if there’s anything going on. When you get those texts, briefly explain why you left the group chat so your friends aren’t left in the dark. Be honest about your reason(s) for leaving, too, even if it’s something as simple as “I had to leave because the notifications were becoming too much.”
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can you tell a fake friend?
    Katie Styzek
    School Counselor
    Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.
    Katie Styzek
    School Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Think about the way your friend acts. A true friend will never say or do anything that makes you feel bad or uncomfortable.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 4 Helpful 16
  • Question
    How do you start a new group of friends?
    Katie Styzek
    School Counselor
    Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.
    Katie Styzek
    School Counselor
    Expert Answer
    There are many small ways you can start to make new friends. For example, you could ask a classmate to study with you, join a club, or volunteer outside of school.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
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    Not Helpful 8 Helpful 13
  • Question
    How can I leave my group of friends without it seeming like I'm copying someone else?
    Community Answer
    Don't worry about what others might think; if you're ready to move on, your well-being is more important than their opinions.
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      • Don’t pressure other friends to leave the group with you, but invite them to do so if you think it is appropriate.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.purewow.com/wellness/how-to-leave-a-friend-group
      2. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.
      3. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.
      4. ↑ Kathi Burns, CPO®. Board Certified Professional Organizer. Expert Interview. 31 Dec 2019.
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201301/how-do-you-break-group
      6. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.
      7. ↑ http://www.hercampus.com/life/family-friends/how-say-goodbye-leaving-college
      8. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201301/how-do-you-break-group
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201301/how-do-you-break-group
      2. ↑ http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/friendship/why-do-my-friends-keep-leaving-me-out-13762.html
      3. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.
      4. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 28 October 2020.
      5. ↑ https://books.google.com/books?id=_larAgAAQBAJ&lpg=PA36&pg=PA36#v=onepage&q&f=false
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201505/13-red-flags-potentially-toxic-friendships
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/under-friendly-spell/201301/are-your-friends-bad-influence-you
      8. ↑ http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/friendship/why-do-my-friends-keep-leaving-me-out-13762.html
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201505/13-red-flags-potentially-toxic-friendships
      10. ↑ http://ecosalon.com/10-signs-its-time-to-leave-your-friends/
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201505/13-red-flags-potentially-toxic-friendships
      12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/under-friendly-spell/201301/are-your-friends-bad-influence-you
      13. ↑ https://www.self.com/story/how-to-leave-a-group-chat-that-you-honestly-cant-stand-anymore
      14. ↑ https://help.instagram.com/505087899649966/?cms_platform=iphone-app&helpref=platform_switcher
      15. ↑ https://help.snapchat.com/hc/en-us/articles/7012338682004-How-do-I-leave-a-Group-Chat-on-Snapchat
      16. ↑ https://www.self.com/story/how-to-leave-a-group-chat-that-you-honestly-cant-stand-anymore
      17. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you have a group of friends who you no longer mesh with or who have become bad for your wellbeing, you may have to leave them behind. The most direct way to leave a group of friends is to talk to them about your choice, though this can be awkward if your friends have a lot of questions. If you’re uncomfortable talking to them directly or don’t want to hurt their feelings, then slowly wind down your friendship by not answering calls or texts immediately and bowing out of get-togethers. You can also use this time apart from your friends to make sure that this is the right decision for you. If you find that you’re happier during this separation, then extend it to a full break. Otherwise, use this time away to remind yourself why your friends aren’t so bad and reconnect with them when you can. To learn how to stand your ground when leaving your group of friends, keep reading!

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