How to Meet with a School Counselor (& What You Should Ask Them)

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Learn exactly how an academic counselor can help you
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Do you have college admission, academic, or personal issues you need to talk about? Would you like the conversation to be one that is both confidential and non-judgmental? A school counselor can help. A counselor's job is to offer you support so you can succeed in school and at home. We spoke to academic counselors Katie Skyzek and Alicia Oglesby about the steps you need to take to have a productive discussion with your school counselor. Find out more about the different ways counselors can help, including the top questions you can ask to find a solution to your problems.

How to Talk to a School Counselor

Pinpoint the problem you need help with and plan how you want to discuss it with your counselor. Once you schedule an appointment, prepare questions and listen to your counselor openly. Their advice may not be straightforward, and may require you to take part to find a solution. Be sure to thank them for their time.

Section 1 of 4:

Taking Steps to Talk to a School Counselor

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  1. To help a school counselor advise you on a problem, you need to first make sure you are clear about what’s causing the problem you're facing. Although a counselor's job consists of a broad range of issues in a student's life, their main areas of advice are academic, college-related, and social/personal problems. You should first determine which category your issue belongs to.
    • Academic problems include having a hard time focusing in class or studying, while college-related issues relate to the application process or what classes you need to take to get into your top school. A social or personal issue would include being bullied or having challenges at home that get in the way of your studies.
    • Keep in mind that sometimes problems can affect more than one area of your life. For example, you might have trouble getting your homework done on time. Ask yourself whether this is due to poor organizational skills, difficulty in understanding what’s being asked of you, or other personal reasons that get in the way of your studies, like family-related issues or lack of confidence.
  2. Having a few questions prepared will make it much easier for a counselor to address your problem more accurately and help you develop strategies to cope with it.
    • You can make a list of the problems and turn them into questions that you can ask your counselor. For instance, if you listed "my teacher dislikes me" as one of your problems, rephrase it into a question like "How can I improve my communication with teachers?" or "How can I better explain to teachers my problems with schoolwork?"
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  3. School counseling is typically offered either one-to-one or as group sessions. Setting an appointment will ensure your counselor has the time and resources to fully help you work through your problem. Book an appointment as soon as possible, or check whether your school allows you to just stop by the counselor's office without an appointment. [1]
    • It's always better to start with a one-to-one meeting to get acquainted with your counselor and help them get to know you better. The counselor can determine whether you need individual or group counseling after meeting you in person.
    • If you don't know who your counselor is or how to contact them, ask your teacher or an adult you trust at school—they will direct you to the right person. You don't have to get into the details of your problem if you don't feel like it, but if you do, make sure they'll keep it confidential.
    • If you're nervous about talking to your counselor, send them an email first. “Email them ahead of time, so that you're not catching them off guard. That way, you can really sit down and speak together at a time that's convenient for both of you to have a meaningful conversation,” notes Styzek. [2]
  4. If you go to the meeting without being prepared, it might give the impression that you're uninterested or make it much more difficult for a counselor to target your problem and find a solution for it. Being prepared can also help you feel more confident and less anxious about meeting with your school counselor. [3]
    • If you're seeing the counselor to discuss preparing for college , it could be helpful for them to see your prospective college's application guidelines or highlight specific steps in the application process you haven't understood.
    • If you’re stressed about how well you get along in classes or getting in trouble, list some of your concerns so the student counselor can help you worry less about school overall.
  5. Don't hold out on information that could help your counselor. The counselor will listen and offer either individual counseling, group counseling, or a combination of the two. If you don't know whether your problem is related to school, family, or personal issues, give your counselor a bigger picture of your life so they can help you figure out where your problem is rooted. [4]
    • If you're unsure whether a piece of information could be useful or related to your problem, it's always best to mention it. The more you tell your counselor, the easier it will be for them to help you find a solution.
    • Don't feel guilty if you don't open up about everything during the first appointment. However, remember that the objective is to establish a relationship with your counselor based on mutual trust. A counselor will speak to you frankly and expect you to be just as upfront in expressing all of your concerns.
  6. Depending on what your questions are, it may be helpful for you to take notes during the discussion. For example, a college application can be a very elaborate process, and you want to make sure you don't miss or forget any point or step you need to take.
    • If you disagree with your counselor over something, don't hold it back. Respectfully tell your counselor you don't think their suggestion could work and explain why. Feel free to suggest other courses of action and discuss them. Saying yes to your counselor just to please them, only to then disregard their advice, won't be of any help!
    • Oglesby notes that a great school counselor “is a wonderful listener, and someone who can listen without judgment. They have to be able to skillfully and knowledgeably switch very quickly, and effortlessly, between many different tabs.” This way, counselors can be “compassionate for students, their families, where they're coming from, and what they're dealing with.” [5]
  7. Counselors are not magicians who can solve any problem with the touch of a wand. Their job is to listen to you carefully, help you cope with a problem, and hopefully find a solution, not give you ready-made answers. This won't always be easy and will require your cooperation and active involvement. [6]
    • For example, if someone bullies you, your counselor won't make this person magically disappear from your life. They’ll discuss the problem with you and suggest some strategies on how to deal with this person. They may also decide to speak directly to the bully, to a teacher, or even to your parents if they think it would help.
  8. Although helping you is the counselor's job, it's polite to show appreciation for their time and advice. Expressing your gratitude will build a stronger bond between you and your counselor.
    • Being nice to your counselor can also help you with your long-term goals. For example, a counselor will play a large role in your college application process—having a relationship based on trust and respect will make it go more smoothly.
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Section 2 of 4:

How do school counselors help students?

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  1. Counselors are trained to help you cope with any problem related to your school performance and provide guidance on trying new study methods. Academic problems include the following: [7]
  2. Consider whether you need help applying to a college or school program. A school counselor’s original purpose was to advise students on how to best deal with admission procedures so they could help increase their chances of success. Although their area of expertise is now much broader, helping with college applications is still one of their main roles. Some additional topics related to the college application process are as follows: [8]
    • The classes you should take to get into the college of your choice.
    • Preparing for and taking college admission tests.
    • Using the right college handbooks to choose the best schools .
    • Get advice from former students who now attend colleges you’re interested in.
    • Additional preparations you can take to get into college successfully.
    • You can schedule a meeting between a counselor and your parents if you think this could help (for example, when you have to submit a financial aid application).
  3. Remember that school-related or career-related problems, like not succeeding or having no idea what to do at college, could also be linked to personal problems and can be better solved if you address them at the source. Working out these problems can help you relax more, so you can actually enjoy school . Social or personal problems that your counselor can advise you on include the following: [9]
  4. School counselors will do their best to help you with a wide range of issues. However, sometimes it's best to consult someone outside school; talk to a therapist , doctor, or social worker when your problem isn’t related to school or could be better solved by someone else. [11]
    • You can still make an appointment with your counselor and ask them whether they think you should seek external help. They can advise you about what the best next steps are.
    • Sometimes, seeing a psychologi st can be combined with talking to your school counselor. For example, if you're going through a difficult time because of your parents' divorce and have trouble concentrating at school because of it, you can regularly see both your counselor and a therapist at the same time. The counselor will help you with any related issues, like your academic performance, while the therapist will focus on your well-being and advise you on coping with your feelings about the situation.
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Section 3 of 4:

25 Questions to Ask Your School Counselor

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  1. Whether you need help applying to college, doing better at school academically, or dealing with personal issues, counselors can help more when they know exactly what you need. If you have questions that include more than one of these topics, group them so you can ask about one area at a time. For instance, start with questions about applying to college, then ask any questions you have about personal problems or struggles. Here are 25 top questions you may want to pose to your school counselor: [12]
    • What classes do I have to take to enter college?
    • Do I have to take admission tests, and how can I prepare for them?
    • Are there any college handbooks that I can browse to help me make a decision?
    • Can I get in touch with former students who are now attending my prospective college?
    • What else can I do to prepare for college?
    • What’s the difference between liberal arts, public, and private colleges?
    • What schools near me offer strong programs in my intended major?
    • When should I start visiting campuses?
    • How can I use a four-year plan to guide my college prep?
    • What courses should I take to stay on track for college?
    • What elective classes would strengthen my transcript?
    • Should I take the SAT, ACT, or both?
    • How can I improve my study skills and time management?
    • What tutoring or academic support resources are available?
    • What’s the difference between early action, early decision, and regular decision?
    • Who should I ask for letters of recommendation?
    • Can you review my personal statement or college essays?
    • What’s the FAFSA, and when should I complete it?
    • What local scholarships are available in our area?
    • How do work-study programs work?
    • What mental health resources are available at school?
    • How do I balance school, extracurriculars, and personal time?
    • How can I stay motivated if I feel burned out?
    • What if I’m feeling overwhelmed right now?
    • Do colleges care about mental health when reviewing applications?
Section 4 of 4:

FAQs About Talking to a School Counselor

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  1. 1
    What is the 80/20 rule for school counselors? The 80/20 rule breaks down like this: school counselors are expected to spend at least 80% of their time directly or indirectly helping students. The remaining 20% of their time can focus on school program support and administration. The hope is that school counselors give most of their time to helping students with whatever they need. [13]
  2. 2
    Can you talk to school counselors about anything? It’s possible to speak to your school counselor about nearly anything you’ve got on your mind—it’s hard to survive high school without any help! Topics they can help you with include anything from college planning to academics and personal or social issues. You can also discuss any new ideas you have to make classes, programs, or school events improve. [14]
  3. 3
    How do school counselors help students with depression? Counselors help students with issues surrounding depression in many ways, including keeping an eye on any warning signs the student is exhibiting. They can focus on these issues as they come up in a student’s life, provide access to outside mental health resources as needed, and advocate for students whenever they need someone on their side. [15]
  4. 4
    Are conversations with your school counselor always confidential? School counseling is always confidential, but there are exceptions to the rule. Exceptions can occur in situations that could result in a student causing danger to themselves or others; some situations can include suicidal ideation or self-harm. In other cases, school counselor conversations aren’t considered confidential when subpoenaed in court. [16]
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What can I talk to my school counselor about?
    Katie Styzek
    School Counselor
    Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.
    Katie Styzek
    School Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Just about anything. Your school counselor is there to help you succeed in all matters related to school and life.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.socialemotionalworkshop.com/how-to-help-students-with-anxiety/
      2. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 28 October 2020.
      3. ↑ https://www.socialemotionalworkshop.com/how-to-help-students-with-anxiety/
      4. ↑ https://www.socialemotionalworkshop.com/how-to-help-students-with-anxiety/
      5. ↑ Alicia Oglesby. Professional School Counselor. Expert Interview. 29 October 2020.
      6. ↑ https://www.socialemotionalworkshop.com/how-to-help-students-with-anxiety/
      7. ↑ https://counseling.online.wfu.edu/blog/what-is-a-school-counselor/
      8. ↑ https://counseling.online.wfu.edu/blog/what-is-a-school-counselor/
      9. ↑ https://counseling.online.wfu.edu/blog/what-is-a-school-counselor/
      1. ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 28 October 2020.
      2. ↑ https://counseling.online.wfu.edu/blog/what-is-a-school-counselor/
      3. ↑ https://collegesofdistinction.com/advice/top-50-questions-to-ask-your-guidance-counselor/
      4. ↑ https://www.nextgenlearning.org/articles/connection-before-content-80-20-rule-of-restorative-practices-in-school
      5. ↑ https://counseling.online.wfu.edu/blog/what-is-a-school-counselor/
      6. ↑ https://counseling.online.wfu.edu/blog/how-do-school-counselors-help-students-mental-health/
      7. ↑ https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2020/04/confidentiality-in-adolescent-health-care

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      You might consider talking to your school counselor if you need academic help, advice on applying for college, or even if you’re being bullied. Once you figure out what you want to talk about, stop by the office to book a one-on-one appointment with your counselor. When you go to the meeting, explain your problem as clearly and honestly as you can, making sure to include all information, even if it’s difficult to talk about. Once you share your problem, make sure to listen to your counselor’s advice, even if you don’t agree with it, as this will help you establish a good relationship for the future. To learn how to tell if you need counseling, read more from our Social Worker co-author.

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