Alison Wellington
Certified Dating Coach
Alison Wellington is a Certified Dating and Relationship Coach and the founder of Align with Alison, a coaching company dedicated to helping women find the partner they deserve. With a certification in relationship coaching and a proven track record of success, she has helped over 300 women enter happy, healthy relationships, get engaged, and marry. Alison works with clients one-on-one, in small groups, and through self-paced courses, providing expert guidance tailored to successful professional women. She has built a thriving online community, with 102K Instagram followers, 10K on TikTok, and 3.4K YouTube subscribers, where she shares actionable relationship advice, dating insights, and commentary on modern dating trends.
Education
- MS in Guidance and Counseling, MS extension in Mental Health Counseling
- BS in Education
Professional Achievements
- Featured in Essence Magazine, Washington Post & Fox Soul’s “The Black Report”
Certifications & Organizations
- Certified life coach, dating & relationship coach
Favorite Piece of Advice
I advise my clients to always start their dating process by being clear on exactly what they want in a partner and a partnership. I call them the “non-negotiables". From there, they’re going to generate questions that they should be asking and behaviors they should be looking for in people they date. They should always be paying attention to assess whether or not the person in front of them is an appropriate match.
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Forum Comments (8)
Why am I still single?
The most common reason people stay single when they don’t want to be is their unwillingness to go out. People say that they want to be in a healthy, committed relationship, they want to meet the one, but they're unwilling to actually meet people, especially in this day and age where you can get so much engagement online. It feels like you know folks or it feels like you're engaging with humanity, but you’re not. If you work from home, for example, it feels like you’re engaging because you're on Zoom, but you're not really. Not physically going out, not socializing, and not meeting new people will stop you from getting into the relationship that you desire.
Also, people want to avoid dating. They don't like getting to know folks. They don't like answering the same questions like, “What's your favorite color?” and, “How many siblings do you have?” They don't like to take risks, either. For women, I'm not suggesting you take physical safety risks, but put yourself out there in a way that makes you feel safe. Guys, on the other hand, are so unreasonably afraid, I think. Guys think that women are there to take advantage of them to get a free meal off of them, and that women don't want to spend the money.
For all of those reasons, folks are not going outside, but then they're surprised when they're not meeting the person who will be their person. They're not willing to engage on dating apps. We have this unrealistic expectation that things are just supposed to fall into our lap. We have instant everything. You have Amazon that'll have a package to you in 12 hours. You have Uber Eats that's going to deliver a delicious meal in 30 minutes. We're just so accustomed to things happening so quickly. And the reality is that dating and relationships aren't instant. It's not like a microwavable thing. Putting in the work of going out socially or putting in weeks or months of swiping on a dating app in order to find someone who's like-minded are the things that single people are avoiding. That's going to cause them to continue to be single.
Also, people want to avoid dating. They don't like getting to know folks. They don't like answering the same questions like, “What's your favorite color?” and, “How many siblings do you have?” They don't like to take risks, either. For women, I'm not suggesting you take physical safety risks, but put yourself out there in a way that makes you feel safe. Guys, on the other hand, are so unreasonably afraid, I think. Guys think that women are there to take advantage of them to get a free meal off of them, and that women don't want to spend the money.
For all of those reasons, folks are not going outside, but then they're surprised when they're not meeting the person who will be their person. They're not willing to engage on dating apps. We have this unrealistic expectation that things are just supposed to fall into our lap. We have instant everything. You have Amazon that'll have a package to you in 12 hours. You have Uber Eats that's going to deliver a delicious meal in 30 minutes. We're just so accustomed to things happening so quickly. And the reality is that dating and relationships aren't instant. It's not like a microwavable thing. Putting in the work of going out socially or putting in weeks or months of swiping on a dating app in order to find someone who's like-minded are the things that single people are avoiding. That's going to cause them to continue to be single.
Not sure how to get over a breakup. How do I move on?
There are a couple of different techniques for overcoming a breakup that I would advise people put into place immediately when it is clear that this relationship is over. The first thing is to end all ties where possible. Unless you have children, there’s really no other reason for both parties to stay connected. You own a house? Sell it. You run a business together? Buy somebody out. You got a dog? Decide who's going to keep the dog. You need to sever all ties with this person. Why? Because if you're heartbroken over this breakup, then having to see this person and to deal with them in any capacity that's not an absolute must, then that's only going to continue to break your heart. You need a clean, cold-turkey break from this person, to sever all ties and whatever still connects you. You need to figure out how to disconnect it. That also would include getting rid of things that they gifted you or things that remind you of them, including relationships with other people and friends you might have in common. It's their friend, and no longer your friend. Don't hang out with their mom or get manicures and pedicures with their sister anymore.
Now, when it comes to stuff, get rid of the stuff. They bought you a bag? Sell it. They got you jewelry? Melt it down or donate it. Get rid of the things that remind you of this person. Their college hoodie? Put it in the mail. Leave it on the porch where you know they're not going to be there. Again, you don't need constant reminders of this person. You need to end it cold-turkey, until you're over them and it doesn't really matter. But right now, you're sad and you're heartbroken, so get rid of their stuff!
I'd also recommend unfollowing, blocking, or muting them on social media for the same reason. You don't need a constant reminder of what they're doing in your life. You need them to be out of your life in all forms, which also includes social media. Do whatever you need to do to separate yourself from this person and their existence.
I would also begin to “pour into me.” Pouring into me might look like, “I'm going to finish this degree. I'm going to get my credit together. I'm going to get my skin together.” I don't care what it is, do something that you've been putting off that can help you to level up in life. One, it's a great distraction, and two, when you're ready to date again, now you've leveled up. So, you have a right to demand more of the next person that you're dating because you're more.
Now, when it comes to stuff, get rid of the stuff. They bought you a bag? Sell it. They got you jewelry? Melt it down or donate it. Get rid of the things that remind you of this person. Their college hoodie? Put it in the mail. Leave it on the porch where you know they're not going to be there. Again, you don't need constant reminders of this person. You need to end it cold-turkey, until you're over them and it doesn't really matter. But right now, you're sad and you're heartbroken, so get rid of their stuff!
I'd also recommend unfollowing, blocking, or muting them on social media for the same reason. You don't need a constant reminder of what they're doing in your life. You need them to be out of your life in all forms, which also includes social media. Do whatever you need to do to separate yourself from this person and their existence.
I would also begin to “pour into me.” Pouring into me might look like, “I'm going to finish this degree. I'm going to get my credit together. I'm going to get my skin together.” I don't care what it is, do something that you've been putting off that can help you to level up in life. One, it's a great distraction, and two, when you're ready to date again, now you've leveled up. So, you have a right to demand more of the next person that you're dating because you're more.
This quiz said my boyfriend and I are incompatible, and I think it's right
Assuming you dated for some time before deciding to become boyfriend/girlfriend, at this point yes, you should be opening up. But it may not be an issue with him, it may be an issue with you. We should be reflective as to why you don’t feel confident opening up. Is it something that he said or he did or is this a chronic issue for you?
If it’s a chronic issue where you lack the capability to opening up to people, then that’s between you and your therapist.
If he’s done something to make you feel uncomfortable, speak to him about it and try to resolve it before breaking up without clarity.
If it’s a chronic issue where you lack the capability to opening up to people, then that’s between you and your therapist.
If he’s done something to make you feel uncomfortable, speak to him about it and try to resolve it before breaking up without clarity.
What are the characteristics of an ideal man for marriage?
Husband material is not definitive, meaning it's not the same for everybody. What are your non-negotiables as a single woman? What do you need in order for a relationship to be healthy and fulfilling? I advise you to come up with a list of six non-negotiables: traits that a potential partner must have in order for him to be husband material to you. That list might include things like "hardworking," "affectionate," "spiritual or religious," or "family-oriented." You have to come up with a list that aligns with what your values are and what your goals are and what you foresee as a healthy, happy relationship.
What do I actually ask someone about on the first date?
First, I would identify what your "non-negotiables" are that you're looking for in a relationship: these are the behaviors and traits that a potential partner must have for you to want to be with them. Some examples are: hardworking, affectionate, spiritual, or family-oriented. Then, you can think of questions that might help you subtly assess whether or not this person is hardworking, or whatever the important trait is. You create questions to help you with this in dating, but then ask them lightly and maybe only ask one question like this on your first date. Everything else that you talk about can be light-hearted, easy, not too heavy, not too serious. Why? Because we don't want this person to feel like they're in a job interview.
I also recommend thinking about some other things that you want to talk about in advance! I like thinking of pop culture topics and also just being prepared in knowing what's going on in current events and the pop culture realm. I'd also recommend staying away from talking explicitly about politics. However, if you want to get a feel for a person's views, what I would do is hold conversations around some "political hot topics" but not bring up politics explicitly. You could ask them questions about their thoughts on some hot topics and then gather that information more artfully on dates.
I also recommend thinking about some other things that you want to talk about in advance! I like thinking of pop culture topics and also just being prepared in knowing what's going on in current events and the pop culture realm. I'd also recommend staying away from talking explicitly about politics. However, if you want to get a feel for a person's views, what I would do is hold conversations around some "political hot topics" but not bring up politics explicitly. You could ask them questions about their thoughts on some hot topics and then gather that information more artfully on dates.
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