Make eye contact Making eye contact will engage them and show that you’re present and confident in what you’re saying. Tips: * Imagine a “T” on their face (the horizontal line spanning between their eyebrows and the vertical line running down their nose) and focus on this area. * Switching between both eyes will make your eyes appear to sparkle. Actively listen Set aside all distractions and maintain eye contact while they are speaking to show that they have your full attention. You can even repeat back to them what they’ve said in your own words to show that you understand. Tip: Use open body language to send the message that you are engaged and open-minded * Maintain upright posture * Relax your arms at your sides * Make eye contact * Face toward them * Nod occasionally Use gestures Gesture with your arms and/or hands to show that you’re engaged and instill word your words with passion. Tips: * Use your hands to emphasize key points that you’re trying to make. * Avoid large gestures as these can be overwhelming (and even comical) in one-on-one conversations. * During heartfelt or tender conversations, lightly touch them on the hand, arm, or shoulder to send the message that you are present with them and that you care. Enunciate Speak clearly and avoid mumbling, as doing so can come off as uncaring or disengaged. Tips: * Be aware of how much effort you put into moving your mouth when you speak and make any necessary adjustments to ensure clear speech and appropriate volume. * Do a few tongue-twisters to warm up your mouth, making it less likely that you’ll mumble or stumble over your words (e.g., “Red leather yellow leather”, “A proper copper coffee pot”). * Slow down to make sure your loved one can hear every word and have time to process as you’re speaking. Match your tone to your words To avoid sending mixed messages, make sure that the tone of your voice is in line with the meaning that you’re trying to convey. Examples: ✗ “I don’t feel like you’re really listening to me when I tell you to do something.” (When spoken in an upbeat tone with a smile, this comes off as passive aggressive) ✓ “I don’t feel like you’re really listening to me when I tell you to do something.” (Spoken in a disheartened tone with a serious expression conveys genuine concern) Manifest a good attitude Before speaking to a loved one, set an intention to be constructive, honest, patient, and open-minded. Any negativity or stubbornness will come through in your tone, so take a moment to ground yourself (especially before tough conversations). Tips: * Pause before entering the room and breathe deeply for a few counts. * Say affirming words to yourself or think affirming thoughts (e.g., “I am calm and open to new ideas”, “I am honest, patient and willing to help”). * Do a few simple stretches to loosen up your body and relieve stress (which can cause your tone to be rash and/or snippy). Speak your truth Avoiding sharing your true feelings and thoughts can wedge a gap between you and your loved one, so if you’re sharing something that might upset them, be gentle with your tone and use “I” statements to avoid attacking them. ✗ “You never listen to me! I hate it!” ✓ “Sometimes I feel like my needs and opinions aren’t being heard, and this is hurtful.”