How to Stop Feeling Useless

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To stop feeling useless, one of the first things you need to do is figure out where that feeling is coming from. Once you've done that, you can take steps to improve your life, whether your feelings of uselessness stem from your relationships or from a stressful situation you can't control. Whatever the case, the steps below should help you address the feeling head on.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Feeling Useful

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  1. Is it a particular relationship that is making you feel useless? Are you feeling useless because of a certain situation you have no control over? Do you feel useless because you don't feel like you're contributing to society in all the ways that you could? Identifying the cause of the feeling is the first step towards changing your life.
    • One way to explore your feelings is to write in a journal. Think about these questions as you write, and try to figure out what's bothering you.
    • Alternatively, try talking over your problems with a trusted friend. Sometimes saying what you're feeling out loud can help you figure out what's wrong.
  2. Figure out what you're good at by exploring different hobbies and reading books. Seek out what makes you happy and what you can contribute with those skills so that you're offering something to the world. [1]
    • One way to explore interests is to take community college classes. These classes are relatively cheap, so you can spend a semester deciding if you really are passionate about an interest. Many community colleges offer night and weekend classes if you work full time.
    • Alternatively, try classes at your local museums if you're interested in art or history.
    • Another way to explore interests is to pick up a book from the local library. The books are free, and you can take your time learning about your interest.
    • If you want to meet other people with the same interest, look on social media websites like Meetup and Facebook to find people in your area with the same interest.
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  3. Buy someone a cup of coffee. Bring your loved one her slippers without being asked. Offer a parking place to someone who looks stressed. The little things you do to help people every day can help you feel needed. [2]
  4. Volunteering is not only a solid way to make you feel useful, but you'll also be helping people out along the way. Choose something you love for your volunteerism. If you love books, offer time at the library. If you like working with kids, offer to read to kids at your local YMCA after school. [3]
  5. Focus on what's positive in your life. By focusing on what's good about your life, you may be able to overcome feeling useless or worthless. It keys you in to the positive side of things, so you have a happier outlook. [4]
    • One way to focus on what's going well in your life is to keep a gratitude journal. Write down five things every day that you are grateful for in your life. Some people use social media like Facebook to the same effect--that is, they post five things they are grateful for every day as a status update. Using social media can help you get motivated with this project, as you'll likely receive positive feedback from friends.
  6. Sometimes feeling useless can stem from low self-esteem. You may feel like you don't have anything to offer the world. However, take some time each day to acknowledge to yourself what you're doing right. You do make a difference to other people, and you should look for that in yourself every day. [5]
    • One way to build yourself up is to use your mirror to your advantage. Every morning, look yourself in the eye, and say something positive about yourself out loud.
    • Post affirmations on your refrigerator so you can see them every day. Write a phrase like “I am a good, worthwhile person” or others to boost your self-esteem.
  7. In the same vein as talking to yourself positively, accept positivity from other people, especially when it is about something you do or who you are as a person. You may feel like you don't deserve the compliment, but people are usually sincere when they take the time to compliment you. Think about the contributions you're making that inspired those compliments.
  8. If you are passionate about preserving our natural resources, go out and do something about it. Organize protests. Write letters. Talk to people. Fighting for what you believe in can help you to feel less useless because you are doing something to help your friends and country.
  9. Steer clear of potential distractions like the computer, the TV, the phone, the cat, or the fridge. If you procrastinate, you won't accomplish anything. However, if you finish tasks you start, you're sure to feel more useful. Start with something small, like cooking dinner for your spouse, and work up to larger tasks, like cleaning out the garage. [6]
  10. Improve your self-confidence and value your time and your skills more. You're not going to get a sense of purpose if you're not caring for yourself enough. Don't sell yourself short, and take time out to rest and relax when you need to do so. [7]
    • One way to value yourself is to say "no" to requests that you don't have the time or energy to do. If you divide yourself too thinly, you won't be able to contribute as fully to each task.
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Part 2
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Contributing to Your Relationships

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  1. Be active in the way you listen. That is, pay attention to what the other person is saying rather than preparing what you are going to say in your head. Be interested in what the other person has to say and respond in a way that shows you heard.
  2. Acknowledge what the people in your life do for you. That acknowledgment shows them that you notice what they do for you and that you appreciate their effort. [8]
  3. Your presence is one of the best gifts you can provide for the people you love. It tells them you care about them. [9]
  4. Instead of laughing at your boyfriend for crying, let him know you appreciate his emotional honesty. Instead of making fun of your friend for dancing silly in the kitchen, join in the fun.
  5. Some relationships will never work well no matter what you do. If another person is being emotionally abusive or just doesn't want to make time for you, it may be time to edge away from that person. You may feel useless in a situation like this one because you may feel like you've failed. However, it could be that you are just not compatible with the other person, not that you have failed to contribute to the relationship. Maybe the other person has issues he or she needs to deal with before she is in any kind of relationship, so you shouldn't place the blame on yourself. [10]
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Part 3
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Dealing with Stressful Situations

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  1. You may not be able to solve the situation--your mother is still going to be sick no matter what you do. However, you can be there for her. You can show up when you're needed. You can offer support and encouragement. It may not be dealing with the problem as you'd liked to do, but you will be doing something, which can help alleviate your feelings of uselessness.
  2. You can pray, meditate, or just take a few deep breaths, but whatever way, take a moment to calm yourself down. Accept that you do not have control over the situation. [11]
  3. Your mother may be sick, but you can take the time you are spending with her to develop a better relationship with her than you've had in the past. [12]
  4. Even if it doesn't change anything, it will help others realize that they aren't the only ones who are dealing with these feelings, which is a way you can provide support. It also opens up the discussion, so others have a chance to talk about their feelings, as well. [13]
  5. Long-term stressful situations can lead to depression, and feeling useless could be a symptom of depression, especially if it is accompanied by other symptoms.
    • Symptoms of depression include having trouble focusing, feeling pessimistic, not being interested in things you usually enjoy, feeling guilty, being extra tired, being consistently sad, and even experiencing physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches. [14]
    • Feeling sad on occasion doesn't mean you’re depressed. Depression is a sustained period of not caring and feeling sad. When symptoms start to overrun your life, you may be depressed.
  6. If you are depressed, you may need medication, or you might need to seek out counseling to help you work through some issues, which may help alleviate your feelings of uselessness. Remember, being depressed is not a sign of weakness. It can be caused by a traumatic event in your life, but it could also be a chemical imbalance that needs to be corrected. Also, certain medications, your genes, and other problems like illnesses can also lead to depression. [15]
    EXPERT TIP

    Lauren Urban, LCSW

    Licensed Psychotherapist
    Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 13 years of therapy experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use.
    Lauren Urban, LCSW
    Licensed Psychotherapist

    Asking for help is a courageous thing to do. Tough times, whether due to stress, anxiety, depression, or other challenges, can affect daily life. Difficult emotions are a normal part of life, and reaching out for help shows courage and self-awareness.

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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I stop feeling useless if I am in my 60s and was forced to retire?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Being forced to retire can be very challenging and frustrating. Part of the problem is that you might be defining yourself too much by your work. Try to experiment with other aspects of your life. Take time to do your hobbies, passions, or the things that you have always wanted to do. Pick a place to begin turning things around.
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      Warnings

      • Always consult with a doctor or another appropriate medical professional if you're worried about your mental health. It's not to be taken lightly.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201205/five-steps-finding-your-passion
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/201805/in-helping-others-you-help-yourself
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/volunteering-and-its-surprising-benefits.htm
      4. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain
      5. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/3-ways-to-talk-yourself-up
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201808/5-ways-finally-stop-procrastinating
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201812/self-care-12-ways-take-better-care-yourself
      8. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/ten_ways_to_become_more_grateful1
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201410/9-ways-be-there-friend-without-giving-advice
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201607/4-keys-leaving-bad-relationship
      2. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
      3. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm
      4. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm
      5. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9290-depression
      6. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9290-depression

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To stop feeling useless, try experimenting with different hobbies and talents to find something you enjoy. For example, take a few community college classes or join clubs in your area. Alternatively, head to your local library and take out a few books on things that interest you to see if you want to pursue them further. While you’re searching for something to commit yourself to, try to do something nice for someone every day, like buying a stranger a cup of coffee, offering a parking place to someone in a hurry, or helping an elderly person with their shopping. That way, you'll find meaning in making the world a better place. You can also volunteer at your local homeless center or animal shelter to make a difference in your community. For more tips from our co-author, including how to build your relationships with friends and family to improve their lives, read on!

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