Q&A for How to Alienate a Toxic Friend from Your Friend Group

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What is a toxic friendship?

Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Jin Kim is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based out of Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ individuals, people of color, and those that may have challenges related to reconciling multiple and intersectional identities. Jin received his Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, with a specialization in LGBT-Affirming Psychology, in 2015.

Jin S. Kim, MA

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

In a toxic friendship, a friend regularly disregards your boundaries or makes you engage in activities or situations that you don't feel comfortable in. If you suspect that you're part of a toxic friendship, it may be time to evaluate that relationship.

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Question

What if the person is the leader of the group?

Community Answer

It is always possible to remove a toxic friend, even if they happen to be the group leader. If you truly feel that this person is toxic and they should no longer be in the group, privately discuss this with some of the others in the group and see how they feel. See if you can work together to set that person straight. If they don't feel the same way, or your wish to remove the group leader seems impossible, it might be best to move on and become part of a more welcoming group, while still keeping some separate relationships with others.

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Question

What if I'm the toxic friend?

Community Answer

Try to figure out why are you the toxic friend and try to better yourself. If you are unwanted in a group, you should leave it and find or found a new group (preferably while making an effort to better yourself). Sometimes relationships just don't work out, without it being someone's fault - those end usually for the best.

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Question

What if my other friends like her?

Isobel

Community Answer

Try to help her make new friends so she leaves the friendship group.

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What if the toxic person just won't leave me alone?

Community Answer

Some people don't get subtle hints. You may have to very firmly and very clearly tell this person not to talk to you or contact you. If you aren't comfortable going that far, accept that you may just have to deal with some annoyance from someone who won't go away.

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What do I do if they glom on to me and tell everyone I'm their best friend, but I strongly dislike them?

MaybeEyeCanHelp

Community Answer

When you strongly dislike someone, it's easy to get irritated by their presence, but one of the best ways to deal with a clingy person is face-to-face. Kindly informing them they are not a person of interest to you is a good place to start. Considering they are a toxic friend, don't be shy if you have to press your point (this part can be tricky as it is important to show respect). In your case, a good point to make would be letting them know you don't appreciate them spreading false information about your friendship.

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What if my friend is toxic to me but not to anyone else in the group? And she is gossiping to them about me to them and making them hate me?

Jordanapopcorn

Community Answer

I don't think you should call that person your friend then. Find a different friend group, find people that will accept you, for being, you. Until you find the right people for you, keep on trying to be social and make friends. The right people will come along for you someday.

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