What Is a Soft Butch? A Guide to This Unique Queer Identity

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Learn about soft butch fashion & how to tell if you are one
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Whether you’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community or an ally, you’ve probably heard the term “butch” used before—but what does “soft butch” mean? And how is it different from the standard “butch”? We’ll explain it all! “Soft butch” is a term for any lesbian or queen woman who has butch characteristics without being entirely masculine; soft butch lesbians often present in a more masculine way while displaying some feminine traits. In this article, we’ll do a deep dive into what it means to be a “soft butch” lesbian (and how to know if you are one, too).

A Quick Overview of the Term “Soft Butch”

In the LGBTQ+ community, “soft butch” is a term for a lesbian or queer woman who has some butch characteristics, but doesn’t entirely fit the “butch” stereotype. Soft butch lesbians tend to put a “softer” spin on the butch aesthetic, choosing to wear masculine clothing with feminine touches or characteristics.

Section 1 of 9:

What is a “soft butch”?

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  1. Soft butch is a slightly more feminine-leaning butch lesbian. While there are no hard rules for how to be a soft butch, generally speaking, a soft butch is a lesbian with some butch traits—yet they don’t fully fit the masculine butch stereotype. Soft butches may present as masculine but embrace softer, more feminine mannerisms or traits, or they might present as predominantly masculine with touches of femininity. [1]
    • Think of “butch” as a spectrum; soft butch isn’t femme (ultra feminine), but it isn’t 100% butch, or masculine, either.
    • Some soft butch lesbians may also take a more masculine approach to sex and romance, although they tend to be more open to vulnerability and emotion (“soft” traits).
    • Other soft butch lesbians present as masculine, but approach sex and romance in a way that’s traditionally more feminine (and passive).
    • The “soft butch” label can apply to gender presentation, fashion, behavior, and mannerisms—it’s a combination of all these elements!
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Section 2 of 9:

Meaning & History of the Term “Butch”

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  1. 1
    “Butch” is a term for lesbians with a more traditionally masculine look. Butch lesbians can have a masculine identity or gender presentation (meaning their appearance, dress, and behavior). However, that’s only the basic definition; butch identity is also fluid, and it’s used by people identifying as queer, trans, and beyond within the broader LGBTQ+ community. [2]
    • “Butch” is often seen as a counterpart to “femme,” which refers to highly feminine gender presentation.
  2. 2
    “Butch” used to refer to tough-looking kids in the 20th century. It most likely originates from the word “butcher,” and was eventually adopted by working-class lesbians in the 1940s (although the exact timing is unclear). At the time, “butch” mainly referred to masculine-presenting lesbians in butch-femme relationships; since then, of course, the term has become much more open and flexible. [3]
  3. 3
    Before “butch,” other terms were used to refer to masculine lesbians. Harlem’s Black lesbians used terms like “bull dagger” and “bull dyke” to refer to masculine lesbians, while butch-femme relationships were sometimes called “mama” and “papa.” However, those terms aren’t used nowadays (and are considered derogatory when used by people outside the community). [4]
    • One term still used today is “stud,” which refers specifically to a masculine-presenting Black lesbian. Comparatively, “butch” refers to lesbians of any race.
  4. 4
    “Butch” has grown to encompass queer masculinity as a whole. Although the “butch” label is very much traditionally associated with lesbians, it isn’t exclusive to the lesbian community. People who don’t identify as female or lesbian also use “butch,” and over the years, the butch and trans communities have steadily seen more and more overlap. [5]
    • Some butches choose to medically (or socially) transition while continuing to use the butch label, for example.
    • However, that doesn’t mean that butch people are trans or that transmasculine people are all butch; it just goes to show that the butch label has grown beyond the lesbian community alone!
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Section 3 of 9:

Soft Butch Fashion & Style

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  1. Soft butch lesbians often opt for comfortable men's wear. The soft butch style is usually very tomboyish, featuring plenty of slacks, button-down shirts with rolled sleeves, layered shirts and jackets, and other clothing pieces that appear more androgynous or were initially designed for men. As mentioned above, some soft butch individuals might toss in a couple of feminine touches, too (like a dainty bracelet or pair of earrings, for example). [6]
    • Soft butch lesbians tend to have shorter, traditionally masculine-looking hairstyles, too (though that isn’t a universal rule).
    • Looking for some soft butch style inspiration? The following characters (and people) in pop culture have a soft butch fashion vibe—even those who aren’t soft butch themselves:
      • Ellen DeGeneres
      • Josie ( Bottoms )
      • Max ( A League of Their Own )
      • Anne Lister ( Gentleman Jack )
      • Shane McCutcheon ( The L Word )
      • Finley and Sophie ( The L Word: Generation Q )
      • Jo ( Facts of Life )
      • Marty McFly ( Back to the Future )
Section 4 of 9:

How to Know If You’re a Soft Butch

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  1. Ask yourself if you identify with the “soft butch” lesbian subculture. Ultimately, the only way to “know” if you’re a soft butch lesbian is to figure out if the label feels right—it’s entirely up to you! Consider how you present yourself (or want to present). Do you prefer a masculine style with subtle feminine elements, or do you have feminine traits that you express in a more masculine way? If so, “soft butch” might be a good label for you.
    • There’s no single way to be a soft butch, and no specific requirements you have to fulfill.
    • You might spend most of your time rocking masculine styles but adopt feminine mannerisms, or you might blend feminine touches into your masculine outfits.
    • Whatever your style and gender presentation is, it’s up to you to figure out if “soft butch” fits you, and there’s no right or wrong answer!
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Section 5 of 9:

Other Types of Butch

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  1. There are other subtypes under the “butch” umbrella besides soft butch, which is indicative of just how varied gender presentation can be, no matter how you identify (or whether you identify with any label at all). Here are a few other prominent butch lesbian labels:
    • Stone butch - Stone butch lesbians prefer not to be touched sexually (specifically around their genitals). Some are comfortable with a certain degree of touch, while others prefer no touch at all.
    • Futch (femme butch) - Femme butch lesbians aim for a balance between masculine and feminine aesthetics, though they tend to lean slightly more femme.
    • Dapper butch - Dapper (or dandy) butch lesbians embrace an old-school style of masculinity, favoring clothing items like suits, suspenders, ties, and pocket squares.
Section 6 of 9:

Soft Butch vs. Butch

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  1. The main difference between soft butch and butch is the level of masculinity. “Soft butch” is an offshoot of the butch umbrella, and both present as more masculine; soft butches simply have more soft or feminine touches to their appearance or overall vibe. For example, a soft butch lesbian might wear masculine clothing with a few subtle pieces of jewelry, or just adopt a more warm and open demeanor. [7]
    • Soft butches also tend to be more open to vulnerability and emotions (which is seen as a feminine mindset).
    • Overall, butch butch lesbians tend to blend masculine and feminine elements and approach their gender presentation with more flexibility.
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Section 7 of 9:

Soft Butch vs. Tomboy

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  1. Tomboy refers to a gender nonconforming fashion style. Basically, “tomboy” isn’t a lesbian or LGBTQ+ term; it’s a style embraced by some women and girls. “Tomboy” girls typically enjoy masculine or gender-neutral clothing, as well as sports and hobbies that people traditionally associate with men. By comparison, “soft butch” is a label for lesbians who present as masculine, with some gentler or softer tendencies.
    • Soft butch lesbians might have a tomboyish style, but not every girl who calls herself a tomboy is a lesbian or queer.
Section 8 of 9:

Soft Butch vs. Soft Femme

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  1. Soft femme refers to a lesbian with more traditionally feminine traits. Generally, a “femme” is a lesbian who embraces a feminine style, and soft femmes focus specifically on more feminine traits, too, including vulnerability, emotionality, and gentleness—or “softness.” Thus, a soft femme is essentially the opposite of a soft butch; both embrace their gentler sides, but one leans masculine and the other leans feminine.
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Section 9 of 9:

Is there a soft butch flag?

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  1. There’s a butch pride flag, but no official soft butch flag. The main butch pride flag is orange, with horizontal stripes creating a gradient from deep orange to white, to an orange-brown color at the bottom. Each color of the butch flag is meant to represent a different aspect of the “butch” identity, and the flag itself is reminiscent of the official lesbian flag (which also has white and orange). [8]
    • Overall, most lesbians use the official pink, white, and orange lesbian flag, regardless of whether they identify as butch, femme, or anything in between.
    • Different members of the LGBTQ+ community have created versions of a soft butch flag, but there’s no definitive “soft butch” flag.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Butch
      2. ↑ https://lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Butch
      3. ↑ https://outhistory.org/exhibits/show/lesbians-20th-century/1950s
      4. ↑ https://www.jstor.org/stable/3346893
      5. ↑ https://www.sfu.ca/~baw2/GSWS826/Halberstam.pdf
      6. ↑ https://diva-magazine.com/2023/08/18/butch-characters-tv-film/
      7. ↑ https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/butch
      8. ↑ https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Butch

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