How to Handle a Nosy Neighbor and Maintain Your Privacy

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Plus, the psychology behind why neighbors can be so intrusive
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Your home is your safe space, but what do you do if you end up stuck with nosy neighbors? Whether you live in an apartment in the city or a house in the suburbs, invasive neighbors can threaten your sense of privacy. Keep reading for the best ways to assess the situation and talk to your neighbor kindly , plus ways to block them out of view (with tips from a life coach, an etiquette coach, and even a police captain). We’ll also explain how to tell if your neighbor is truly nosy and why they might be so curious to begin with. Keep scrolling to learn more!

Dealing With Nosy Neighbors: Overview

Note patterns in your neighbor’s behavior. Try avoiding them, ignoring them, or putting up physical deterrents to block their view, like a fence or curtains. Speak openly and honestly to them about how they make you feel. Consider installing a security system or contacting the authorities if you feel threatened.

Section 1 of 4:

Handling Nosy Neighbors Politely

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  1. Look for patterns in your neighbors' nosy behavior. Are they often nosy at certain times, like weekends, weekdays, or evenings? Think about whether they’re nosy due to something going on in their lives or are curious about something going on in yours. When dealing with nosy neighbors , it’s important to ask yourself the following questions: [1]
    • How long has this been going on?
    • How many of your neighbors are nosy?
    • Do you live in a nosy neighborhood?
    • How long do you plan to stay in that area?
  2. First, try to learn as much about them as possible without getting too involved. This will help you to identify if there is any malice in their questions, if they are just being nosy to pass the time, or if they are new and need help making friends. Then, decide next steps on whether to confront, avoid, or befriend your neighbors.
    • If your neighbors seem lonely and bored, try talking to them, introducing them to other neighbors, and suggesting fun things for them to do.
    • If your neighbors are always confronting you and asking you personal questions, then consider how you can avoid talking to them.
    • If your neighbors are snooping around looking for trouble, including stealing your things or reporting your activities, consider upping your security. Ask them to stop intruding. If the situation becomes dangerous for your family or property, contact the authorities.
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  3. Just get on with your business, nonchalantly and happily. If they have nothing better to do than watch you all day, then they have wasted their own time, not yours; it’s a good way to help yourself stop worrying about a bad neighbor .
    • For example, if you're busy and you don't have time to tolerate nosiness, keep your headphones in your ears while passing through common areas like corridors, lifts, and parks—anywhere you might encounter your neighbor.
    • Another way to ignore them is to fake a phone call . Whenever they approach you, put your phone to your ear and pretend to be in an important conversation. Don't forget to smile and nod at them when on the phone.
  4. Move to your backyard, or choose another spot where they can't see you. This works for some activities—you can just as easily host a cookout or play catch in the backyard as you can in the front—but it is not a permanent fix. It is an avoidance technique.
    • If your neighbor is extremely nosy, they might find ways to snoop around despite your efforts to avoid it. Hiding in the backyard might work once or twice, but be prepared for more occurrences ahead.
    • If the problem is this bad, consider confronting or ignoring your neighbors. It can be exhausting to expend all of your mental energy on simply trying to escape someone.
    • Make a code name for them whenever you see them. For example, "activity" or "spiders." This will cue your family to behave accordingly, whether you all agree to retreat to the backyard or begin making loud noises.
  5. If your neighbors are always asking questions about what you're doing and why you're doing it, an easy solution can be to simply do nothing. Try your best to seem uninteresting. Resume your activities when your neighbors go away. If they do still ask you questions, share a small piece of information and then ask them how they are.
    • If they say, "So, Frank, buddy, what's up?" ninety-seven times a day, it wouldn't hurt to respond once, "Oh, just walking the dog," or "I'm good." This isn't the most exciting reply, and it makes it hard to think up further questions. Then ask, "How about you?" This can unsettle nosy people who don't like the feeling that you are nosing around them.
    • Bear in mind that if you look like you have nothing to do, some neighbors take it as license to strike up a conversation. When in doubt, it’s best to avoid or confront your neighbors rather than wait for them to leave.
    • Keep in mind you don’t have to interact this way if you’re not sure of their intentions. Etiquette coach Tami Claytor suggests keeping things respectful unless you’re very uncomfortable by “just being very polite.”
  6. If you’re dealing with bullying neighbors who ask you a lot of personal questions, tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. The next time they do it, give them a straight, upfront answer, like "That's not something I would like to share with you." Stare them down, and make it clear that you mean business. Then walk away. They'll hopefully get the message and back off. [2]
    • This approach is blunt and straightforward. It may get the point across, but it may also offend your neighbor's pride.
    • Bear in mind that nosy neighbors aren't always trying to be obnoxious. They might be asking questions out of genuine curiosity. They may not have the tact or the social skills to know which questions are too personal. Be empathetic, but do not put up with anything that violates your space.
    • If you tell your neighbor to stop asking questions, but they continue, you may need to take more serious steps to address the problem.
  7. If your neighbors like to spy on you, catch them and say something that will embarrass them. Discreetly inform everyone who is with you, and then out of nowhere say something like, "Hey, Mrs. Jones, having fun there?" Watch as their face turns red. If they deny it, then just ignore them and give them a cold shoulder. If they do it again, get them alone and ask them nicely to stop.
    • Make jokes about them nosing. Say things like, "Now don't you go spying on me!" and they may realize that they are being too nosy. It might even make them stop.
    • Life coach Eze Sanchez recommends saying something like “No offense or anything. I really like my privacy, so could you check in with me before you come onto my property?”
  8. If your neighbors get too nosy, you may find that your only option is to contact the local police or neighborhood watch force. If the neighbor just won't leave you alone, you may want to apply for a restraining order. If you find your neighbors snooping around on your property, stealing your things, or trying to break into your home, call the police so that you don't need to handle the situation on your own.
    • Police captain Saul Jaeger, MS, notes you should “trust your instincts. You can actually put yourself in an unsafe situation because of societal norms and expectations. And it's really silly when you think about it.” He recommends taking steps that keep you feeling safe and secure in your home and your neighborhood.
    • Consider involving a neutral third party if you’re not ready to contact the authorities. A neighbor with whom you both get along is a good place to start if you’re looking for someone objective to mediate.
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Section 2 of 4:

How to Block Out Nosy Neighbors

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  1. If you want your neighbors to stop peeking, consider putting up a fence between your properties. Check your local bylaws—if the fence lies between your properties, you may need to ask your neighbors' permission to construct it. Make sure that you don't build onto their property, or else you may give them even more reason to intrude. [3]
    • Dogs or small children make a great excuse to build a large fence around your property. Simply say that you didn't want the dog running loose.
    • Consider whether you want to feel penned in just because your neighbors are nosy. Building a fence may solve your problem, but it may just inspire your nosy neighbors to get creative.
  2. There are many window treatments you can use to protect your privacy against nosy neighbors. They include light-filtering blinds that keep out prying eyes but let in sunlight, screens that retract to help soundproof your home (a tapestry on the wall will also help here), or curtains for more privacy. You can go one step further by getting reflective window tints to avoid having to close your curtains or blinds. [4]
  3. 3
    Add more landscaping to block their view. If you don't like the idea of a fence, consider planting a hedge, a bush, or a stand of trees to block out their view . Bear in mind that these barriers will take years to grow into place. You can also try getting a trellis for flowers or other plants to climb, which helps protect your privacy when you’re in your backyard. [5]
    • You can also use large potted plants placed on window sills to block their view into your home, or place larger potted trees like bamboo outside.
  4. This may be a wise choice if you think your neighbors are snooping around on your property. Keep your house locked. If you go on vacation, install a security system or video cameras. Ask another neighbor to keep an eye on your property while you're away, in case the nosy neighbor starts snooping around. [6]
    • Bear in mind that, depending on the neighbor's situation, this approach may be bordering on paranoia. Perhaps your neighbors are actually sneaking onto your property while you're away; perhaps you are just giving them a bad rap.
    • If you truly suspect your neighbors of entering your property without your consent, confront them and firmly ask them to stop. Warn them that the next time they do this, you will not hesitate to call the police.
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Section 3 of 4:

Signs Your Neighbor Is Nosy

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  1. 1
    They stare at you or your home all the time. Whether you notice your neighbors watching you from their front lawn, they’re likely nosy if you often spot them looking at you to see what you’re doing. It’s good to determine whether they’re nosy with all of their neighbors, or just you, and whether they seem to have general safety concerns or be more interested in what their neighbors are up to. [7]
    • It’s also possible that you’re annoying your neighbors without even knowing you’re doing it—you may be dealing with a bad neighbor, but they may feel like they’re dealing with a noisy neighbor if you’re the one being loud late at night.
  2. 2
    They ask you invasive questions regularly. You may be cornered into having a conversation with them or already speaking to your neighbor when they ask nosy questions. Asking invasive questions goes beyond making polite conversation; it feels invasive for the person being asked, especially if the questions never stop. [8]
  3. 3
    They listen in on your conversations. If you notice your neighbor hovering around while pretending to do things outside, they may be listening in on your conversations. This can also occur when neighbors listen in on their neighbor’s phone conversations, when they listen in through an open window, or by listening through the wall using a glass. [9]
  4. 4
    They enjoy gossiping about their neighbors. Even if you haven’t heard them speaking of you, if you hear your neighbors gossiping regularly about others, chances are they do the same when it comes to you. You might notice that, all of a sudden, the whole neighborhood seems to know something you only told them about. [10]
  5. 5
    They like to peek out at you. If you see them peering through a hole in the fence when you’re having a barbecue or notice the curtains in their window jerk shut all of a sudden, they’re probably spying. They may also take advantage of times when they see you outside, like when you’re walking your dog or getting your mail. [11]
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Section 4 of 4:

Psychology Behind Nosy Neighbors

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  1. Most people feel some sense of curiosity when it comes to other people they live near. When dealing with over-friendly neighbors , you might find they may be just looking for friends they can depend on, and vice versa. If you’re unsure of their motivations, try asking yourself the following questions: [12]
    • Are they new to the area and just trying to understand the culture of the neighborhood?
    • Are they bored and just looking for entertainment or a way to pass the time?
    • Are you doing something (suspicious, exciting, intriguing) to make them curious?
  2. 2
    They’re feeling insecure about themselves. Neighbors often experience a feeling of social comparison, which means they want to see how you live to gauge how well they’re doing. This stems from a sense of insecurity about themselves, where they live, or how much they have. It’ll be more apparent if they ask nosy questions about your finances, home worth, or possessions, and look frustrated or annoyed when you give them an answer. [13]
  3. 3
    They lack social skills (and basic empathy). Some people simply lack the knowledge and self-awareness to know when they’re being nosy. They may not be able to put themselves in your shoes to think about how their questions make you feel. They may also be super extroverted, which can prove difficult when their neighbors are introverts who value their privacy. [14]
  4. 4
    They have a need to control. Some people like to feel as if they’re in total control of their environment. Where neighbors are concerned, this means they feel a need to know what you’re doing, what packages you get, the conversations you’re having, or who visits you. Their need for control may stem from fear or insecurity about their neighborhood and/or their safety within it. [15]
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  • Question
    Our neighbor's son throws dead frogs and papers, and watches us at night. What can we do?
    Community Answer
    Go talk to his parents. They should deal with him. If he still does not stop, tell his parents that throwing dead animals and items onto someone else's property is inappropriate and possibly breaking the law. Go talk to the police if this continues unabated.
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    How do I deal with a mentally unstable neighbor who won't leave me alone? She keeps calling, ringing the doorbell, and banging on my front and back door.
    Community Answer
    Build a fence with a gate that locks and put a "no trespassing, no solicitations" sign on the front gate. If she violates that boundary, call the police.
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    How do I deal with a neighbor who thinks I am listening to her private conversations when the problem is that she has a very loud voice?
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    Just be straightforward with her and let her know that you can't help but listen to her private conversations because she won't keep her voice down. If she's really that concerned about maintaining her privacy, she can speak quietly.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/problems-where-you-live/complaining-about-your-neighbour/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201506/9-ways-handle-nosy-people
      3. ↑ https://www.realtor.com/advice/home-improvement/what-is-a-privacy-fence/
      4. ↑ https://www.kwutah.com/nosy-neighbors-here-are-4-diy-hacks-to-protect-your-privacy/
      5. ↑ https://www.kwutah.com/nosy-neighbors-here-are-4-diy-hacks-to-protect-your-privacy/
      6. ↑ https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/news/2014/06/14-ways-to-make-your-home-more-secure/index.htm
      7. ↑ https://www.housebeautiful.com/uk/lifestyle/a19885720/nosey-neighbour-tell-tale-signs/
      8. ↑ https://www.housebeautiful.com/uk/lifestyle/a19885720/nosey-neighbour-tell-tale-signs/
      9. ↑ https://www.housebeautiful.com/uk/lifestyle/a19885720/nosey-neighbour-tell-tale-signs/
      1. ↑ https://www.housebeautiful.com/uk/lifestyle/a19885720/nosey-neighbour-tell-tale-signs/
      2. ↑ https://www.housebeautiful.com/uk/lifestyle/a19885720/nosey-neighbour-tell-tale-signs/
      3. ↑ https://neurolaunch.com/psychology-of-nosey-neighbors/
      4. ↑ https://neurolaunch.com/psychology-of-nosey-neighbors/
      5. ↑ https://neurolaunch.com/psychology-of-nosey-neighbors/
      6. ↑ https://neurolaunch.com/psychology-of-nosey-neighbors/

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Nosy neighbors can be frustrating to deal with, but by playing it cool and knowing what to say, you may be able to stop their nosiness. If your neighbors ask you a lot of personal questions, give them a straight answer like, “I don’t want to talk about it, sorry.” If you just don’t want to interact with them at all, try pretending to be on the phone whenever you see them. Most nosy neighbors are harmless, but if you suspect yours may be trying to snoop around or possibly steal something, tell them directly to stop. You could say something like, “Look, I really don’t appreciate you snooping around, can you please stop?” For tips about how to be the stronger person, keep reading!

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