How & When to Ask a Good Friend Out on a Date

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A complete guide to asking out a friend without making it weird
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Asking out a friend can be nerve-wracking because it involves a shift in the type of relationship the two of you share. What if it doesn’t work out and your friendship is ruined? But don’t worry—we’re here to help! This article covers how to decide you’re ready to ask a friend out, finding the best time and place , and preserving your friendship no matter what the other person says. Plus, we spoke with relationship experts to get their best advice for how to approach asking your friend out on a date.

How to Ask a Friend Out: A Quick Guide

Before you ask your friend out, be sure you have romantic feelings for them, and try to find out how they feel about you by spending one-on-one time together and getting to know them better. When you ask them out, manage your expectations and work to maintain your friendship with them and the rest of your group.

Section 1 of 3:

Deciding You're Ready to Ask Your Friend Out

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  1. How do you really feel about your friend? Ask yourself if you’re just interested in getting to know them a little better or if you really have feelings for your friend . Emotions are often confusing. Make sure you’ve sorted out exactly how you feel and what you want before you try taking things to the next level. [1]
    • Even if you’re attracted to your friend, you may decide that it’s better to take things slowly and cautiously if the two of you are already close.
    • Remember, feeling drawn toward someone isn’t necessarily romantic. It’s a part of platonic friendships, too.
  2. Think about the kind of “vibes” you get from your friend. Are the two of you close, or do you just hang out with the same group of people? Do they laugh at your jokes, ask you personal questions, and show an interest in what you have to say when you’re talking? [2] Try to gauge your friend’s feelings as accurately as you can.
    • If it’s obvious that there’s no real attraction being reciprocated, it might be best to hold off on asking them out.
    • However, if they act warmly towards you, they may have similar feelings and are hoping you’ll ask them out .
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  3. If you have a mutual friend and you feel comfortable talking to them about the situation, ask their thoughts on how you should proceed. They probably know something you don't or have unique insights that might not have occurred to you. [3] If your other friends learn how you feel, they may try to help you out by talking to the friend you like.
    • Keep in mind that your other friends will be affected by whether or not you start dating.
    • While this shouldn’t necessarily prevent you from asking a friend out, be conscientious about what consequences it might have.
    • If you do start dating your friend, other friends will eventually find out. So, try to avoid making it look like you were keeping it a secret from them.
  4. The next time your group of friends is hanging out, look for opportunities to pair up or spend some time alone with the friend that you like. Dating coach Colette Gee recommends spending one-on-one time with your friend while trying to get a sense of how they feel. [4] If your friend gravitates to you during future hangouts, it’s probably a good sign.
    • Try playing a game of pool together, having a thoughtful one-on-one conversation at a party, or standing next to each other at a concert.
    • Take an opportunity to spend time alone with your friend if one arises, but don’t make them feel forced to split off and ignore the rest of your company.
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Section 2 of 3:

Finding the Best Circumstances to Ask Them Out

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  1. Recognizing the appropriate time to ask a friend on a date comes down to personal judgment. Listen to your gut feelings. Take your friend’s feelings into consideration as well as your own. If they’ve been showing signs they’re interested in you , like touching and lots of intense eye contact, it might mean it’s time to take a chance. [5]
    • If they seem disinterested or you’re having trouble reading their feelings, they may be uncomfortable with the idea.
    • It’s probably better not to ask your friend out in a group setting where they may feel pressure to respond in a certain way.
  2. The best way to ask someone on a date in most circumstances is face-to-face. However, you and your friend already have an established platonic relationship. Asking them out directly may be awkward or make them feel pressured. Weigh your options. [6] [7]
    • A friendly phone call might do it, or you could drop the proposition during a text conversation.
    • Avoid confessing all of your feelings at once. “Flooding them with your emotions is more likely to scare them,” cautions dating coach JT Tran. [8]
    • Think about how your friend likes to communicate and go with that. That way, nothing feels off when it comes time to broach the subject.
    EXPERT TIP

    Cher Gopman

    Dating Coach
    Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach

    Try asking your friend on a date at the end of a hangout. You can say something like, "I have to run, but I'd love to grab a drink sometime together as a date." This gives them space to think about it and will make it easier for you to ask them out.

  3. Once you’ve determined how you’re going to ask, don’t wait. “The most common mistake I see is hesitation. So they don't do it, or they go a roundabout way… instead of being direct,” cautions Gee. [9] Work the offer naturally into a conversation with your friend and be up-front about it. Frame the question in a way that reinforces the decision is theirs, and that you want to remain friends either way.
    • Your friend may be more open to going on a date if it doesn’t feel like a big deal.
    • Suggest doing something together as friends to avoid concerns that you’re changing the nature of the relationship.
    • Tran recommends basing your friendship on something authentic and honest, not that you just want to date or manipulate them. So be honest if you want more.
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Section 3 of 3:

Preserving Your Friendships

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  1. Even if your friend likes you back, they may be reluctant to jeopardize your friendship. Be prepared for whatever your friend decides. If you get too set on the idea of dating, it may come as a disappointment if your friend declines. This might create distance between you and damage the friendship.
    • If your friend agrees to spend time with you but they’re uneasy with the dating label, accept their position graciously.
    • Assure them that you’ll remain friends no matter how things turn out.
    • Be ready for a little bit of awkwardness as you transition from friends to dating .
  2. No matter how things turn out, your friendship is the most important thing. If a romantic relationship isn’t what your friend wants, you’ll have your friendship to fall back on. As a true friend, it’s your job to be understanding. Even if you start dating and things are going well, don’t forget they were your friend first. The comfort of that bond will make your connection even stronger.
    • Try to think of your new relationship as an outgrowth of your friendship, not a replacement.
    • Make sure all of your interactions come from a place of caring and acceptance. There’s no reason for the friendship to suffer simply because you’re trying to build on it.
  3. Good friendships are just as important as romantic relationships. They lower stress and boost happiness. [10] But dating a friend may cause friction with your other friends, especially if you tend to hang around the same people. Be upfront with your friend group about the situation. Let them know it won’t change the group vibe.
    • Take care not to give the rest of your friends the impression that you’re uninterested in them.
    • Work on spending time with your other friends without your romantic interest.
    • Make some time each week for all of your friends to get together. During this time, involve yourself in the group’s activities and discussions. [11]
  4. You wree friends first, so you already know you have common interests, can hold a conversation, and like spending time together. [12] Look at a date as a chance to spend some quality time together without thinking too much about the outcome. Do things you both enjoy and relish the opportunity to make new memories with your friend.
    • For a first date, keep things from feeling too serious by suggesting a short hike or picnic outside.
    • Or maybe try a casual dinner at one of your favorite restaurants, followed by coffee, or a movie.
    • Avoid overanalyzing every word they say, recommends dating app developer Jeremy Sharvit. As long as there's chemistry there, don’t get bogged down in the details. [13]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 658 wikiHow readers which type of location they’d prefer for a first date, and 50% of them said a coffee shop. [Take Poll]
  5. Above all, don’t let it come between you and your friend. Not wanting to date may just mean that they value you very highly as a friend, which is a good thing. There’s no harm in liking someone, and you shouldn’t feel awkward or guilty if you tried and things didn’t work out. In the worst-case scenario, you can simply go back to being friends. So, it’s a win-win! [14]
    • Try not to be embarrassed and withdraw from your friend group if things don’t work. It’s okay to be sad, but your friends can help you deal with it.
    • Dealing with rejection can be tough. Try to let go of any negative feelings that might damage your friendship with the person you wanted to date.
  6. 6
    Accept their decision gracefully. If your friend declines your offer, smile and carry on in an amiable manner. Be a good listener and make an effort to really see their point of view . [15] They might be worried about straining the friendship if they turn you down. Make sure they know you’re still happy to be their friend.
    • It’s possible the timing wasn’t right, but now that your friend is aware of your feelings, they may discover that they’re attracted to you as well.
    • However, avoid hanging around with the expectation that they will develop romantic feelings for you. Just be their friend. If something more happens, great. If not, that’s fine, too.
    • Resist the temptation to try to change their mind if they decline. “No” is disappointing to hear, but it's not a reflection of failure or a cause for shame.
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  • Question
    Is it alright for my friend and I to be alone?
    Community Answer
    Absolutely. In fact, if you're considering asking your friend out, spending some time alone with them will be a great way to test the waters and find out if they share your feelings. Engage your friend in a one-on-one conversation the next time your friend group is all hanging out and focus your attention on getting to know them on a more intimate level.
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  • Question
    How do I ask a girl to a movie as just friends?
    Community Answer
    Just ask! If you're only interested in being friends, make the invitation relaxed and casual. Don't make it seem like a date but rather two friends enjoying a movie together, because that's what it is.
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      Tips

      • If you're excessively nervous or shy, it may help to mentally prepare yourself before asking. Plan out what you're going to say in advance.
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      • Rehearse the hypothetical conversation out loud, and ask for feedback from an objective confidant.
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      • Psychologists say that the longest-lasting relationships start off as friendships, but it can be difficult to establish romance in a relationship that starts with friendship.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/how-can-you-tell-when-you-should-just-be-friends
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202402/signs-that-show-whether-someone-is-interested-in-you
      3. ↑ https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/how-to-ask-your-friend-out.html
      4. ↑ Collette Gee. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.
      5. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/someone-likes-you/
      6. ↑ https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/11840295/Asking-someone-on-a-date-Send-a-text-dont-pick-up-the-phone-scientists-say.html
      7. ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/2015/07/22/asking-a-woman-on-a-date-should-you-call-or-text/
      8. ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
      9. ↑ Collette Gee. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.
      1. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
      2. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/6-reasons-why-making-time-for
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/202205/5-reasons-its-better-be-friends-lovers
      4. ↑ Jeremy Sharvit. Dating App Developer. Expert Interview. 26 September 2024.
      5. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/rejection.html
      6. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_tips_for_better_relationship_conversations

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