How to Kiss in Public: When It’s Appropriate & When It Isn’t

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Plus, how to discuss PDA with your partner
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Kissing in public can be fun, but it can make some people uncomfortable. In most places, you're not likely to encounter anything more than a dirty look for too much public affection, but it's still important to learn what's at stake before kissing in public. This will allow you and your partner to feel happy and comfortable while engaging in public displays of affection (PDA)! In this article, we'll help you do just that with the help of various dating coaches. Read on to learn how to kiss in public , how to discuss PDA with your partner , and more!

Kissing in Public: A Brief Guide

Make sure your partner is comfortable and consents to kissing in public, then keep it light and avoid groping or making out. Be considerate of those around you, as not everyone is comfortable witnessing PDA. Respect the social customs in your location, too, as some countries may be more accepting of PDA than others.

Section 1 of 4:

How to Kiss in Public

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  1. If you want to kiss your partner in public, you usually can without any issue. That doesn't mean, however, you should let that kiss progress into a full-on make-out session. When going in for a public kiss, use some discretion, and keep things low-key.
    • To avoid overdoing it, avoid using any tongue, and don't put your hands under your partner's clothes. Anything more than a closed-mouth kiss may start to make people uncomfortable.
  2. Kissing in public isn't always acceptable. Even if you think no one is paying attention to you, it may not be a good time to start kissing if you're around a bunch of people. For example, a dark movie theater isn’t an excuse to start making out. You may be able to get away with a quick kiss, but don't push it because you think no one can see you—this could make the other movie-goers very uncomfortable!
    • Avoid too much public kissing in hectic, busy places, like restaurants or grocery stores.
    • On the flip side, nightclubs are fair game. It's common to see people kissing and dancing in this setting, so you should be in the clear! [1]
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  3. In some countries, kissing in public is a serious offense, and in others, it’s a normal part of daily life. For example, in most Western countries, if someone disapproves of your kiss, you’ll only get a dirty look or two. In places such as India, however, kissing in public could be more problematic, and it might even land you in legal trouble. [2]
    • If you plan on traveling with your partner, research the customs before you leave, and look for laws regarding public affection. Don't limit your research to just kissing—in China, for example, holding hands is also prohibited between couples in public. [3]
  4. According to dating coach Lauren Sanders, a partner who’s comfortable with public displays of affection will typically initiate it, appear happy about it, and be willing to express that they like you around other people. If you’re noticing this type of behavior, it’s a good sign. [4] Keep in mind, though, that you always need verbal consent to make sure your partner is fine with PDA.
    • Don't force a kiss on someone who does not want to kiss you. Nobody appreciates unwelcome physical advances.
    • Don't use public affection as an ego boost. Kissing in public should be about sharing an affectionate moment with someone you enjoy spending time with. Don't use it as a way to communicate to the rest of the world that your partner is "taken."
    • This goes both ways, too. Dating and relationship coach Maya Diamond says you should only kiss someone if you genuinely want to, and you never have to do anything you aren't comfortable with. If they try to kiss you and you’re not ready, say “I would love to, but I’m not ready for that yet.” [5]
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Section 2 of 4:

How to Discuss PDA with Your Partner

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  1. Matchmaker & dating coach Michelle Jacoby says to communicate with the person you’re dating to find out if they’re uncomfortable with PDA. For example, you could ask them something as simple as, “Do you feel comfortable with me kissing you in front of people?” [6] Be sensitive and respectful of their feelings, and don't make them feel like they have to kiss you in public just to make you happy.
    • If your partner doesn't want to kiss you in public, this doesn’t mean they’re ashamed of you. It could be something as simple as not wanting to kiss in a certain location or around specific people.
    • For example, they may not want to kiss close to where they work, or in front of their friends.
    • If you still want to show affection to your partner, dating coach & matchmaker Stephanie Sarfan says that things like hugging them, sitting closer to them, or even touching their hands in public might be more comfortable for them. [7]
  2. There could be any number of reasons why your partner doesn't want to kiss in public, and some of these reasons could be difficult to talk about. Maybe they didn't get a lot of affection in previous relationships, or maybe they feel that it's a private matter. Whatever the case, be accepting of and open to your partner's opinions.
    • Dating coach Candice Mostisser says to listen to what they’re saying and prepare follow-up questions to ask to remain engaged in the conversation. [8]
    • When they finish speaking, reply with, "I understand why you feel this way." Then, let your partner know your side of the issue. It's okay to share your perspective if your opinion differs, but don't negate their feelings.
    • Sarfan says to maintain eye contact to show that you're staying present and engaged with what they're saying. [9]
  3. Ask your partner about the specific types of PDA they're comfortable doing, so you can get on the same page. For example, maybe you’ll decide together that it's okay to hold hands and kiss on the cheek in public, but not to make out in the middle of a large crowd. If you come to this kind of compromise, respect those boundaries . Don't break your partner's trust by trying to do anything more than what you’ve agreed to.
  4. In the privacy of your home, you’ll both feel more comfortable being affectionate, so don’t be afraid to let loose. Tickle each other, wrestle around and kiss, and keep things playful. After a while, some of that affection may spill out into the outside world, leading to more comfort with PDA.
    • Diamond suggests sending sexy and romantic texts during the day, planning surprise dates, and setting the mood in the bedroom with romantic music and a sexy outfit to keep your relationship hot and romantic. [10]
    • Dating coach Connell Barrett says to make your significant other feel appreciated and significant through flirty texts or a simple message that says “just thinking about you today, you’re very distracting ;)” [11]
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Section 3 of 4:

Is it appropriate to kiss in public?

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  1. 1
    A peck or light kiss is fine in most situations. A quick kiss hello or goodbye is pretty tame, and most people consider it acceptable. Whether you’re at the train station, leaving a date, or arriving to see a movie with your special someone, a peck or light kiss could be totally appropriate. Just remember to observe the customs of the area you’re in, as some places may not be as comfortable with kissing. [12]
    • For example, other countries may have different social customs and laws regarding kissing that you’ll need to follow, even if your partner is okay with PDA.
  2. 2
    Depending on where you are, a make-out may not be appropriate. Everyone has different opinions on PDA, but most people aren’t comfortable with seeing a deep kiss or make-out session, especially when it includes something like a butt grab. If it’s light enough for you to see your hand in front of your face, it’s light enough for everyone else to see what you’re doing. So, keep it PG and save the intense kisses for nightclubs and private locations. [13]
    • If your partner wants to make out in public but you don’t, kindly let them know that you aren’t comfortable doing that.
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Section 4 of 4:

Frequently Asked Questions

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  1. 1
    What is the 90/10 rule for kissing? The 90/10 rule is a kissing rule that says the guy should lean in 90% and their date should meet him with a kiss by leaning in 10%. This rule isn’t limited to just men, however. Whoever initiates the kiss should be the person leaning in 90% of the way. [14] This rule is great if you want to make sure your partner is into the kiss, since they'll be the one to lean in the rest of the way until your lips meet.
  2. 2
    Is kissing in public indecent exposure? No, kissing in public does not count as indecent exposure in America. But what counts as sexual contact, which is indecent exposure, varies by state. Generally, kissing in public won’t get you an indecent exposure charge unless you’re kissing someone’s breasts, genitals, or other private parts. [15]
  3. 3
    Where should I kiss privately? If you want some privacy in public, try to find somewhere where it’s just going to be you and your partner. Head to an empty sauna, a parked car, outside a building away from people, or in a cornfield if you’re somewhere rural. [16] Remember, though, if you’re in public, there’s always going to be the chance that someone sees you, so use sme discretion.
  4. 4
    Is it illegal to kiss someone without consent? Legally, non-consensual kissing can constitute sexual assault, as sexual assault is considered any type of sexual contact without consent. [17] So, don’t kiss people without their consent. Not only is it a legal violation, but it’s a violation to the person and their agency.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://millennialmagazine.com/global-public-displays-of-affection/
      2. ↑ https://millennialmagazine.com/global-public-displays-of-affection/
      3. ↑ https://millennialmagazine.com/global-public-displays-of-affection/
      4. ↑ Lauren Sanders. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 April 2023.
      5. ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
      6. ↑ Michelle Jacoby. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.
      7. ↑ Stefanie Safran. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.
      8. ↑ Candice Mostisser. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
      9. ↑ Stefanie Safran. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.
      1. ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
      2. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 2 April 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.immihelp.com/a-couples-guide-to-pda-in-the-us-what-is-acceptable-and-what-to-avoid/
      4. ↑ https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/lifestyle/article/public-display-of-affection
      5. ↑ https://www.datingfrustrating.com/should-men-ask-permission-kiss-consent
      6. ↑ https://www.azleg.gov/ars/13/01403.htm
      7. ↑ https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/places-to-make-out-secretly
      8. ↑ https://www.health.columbia.edu/content/what-sexual-assault

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Before sharing a kiss in public, think about where you are and whether a kiss is appropriate based on local customs and culture. Avoid kissing in restaurants and other places where there are many people, like grocery stores. If you do choose to kiss in public, opt for a quick peck or a chaste kiss. Always make sure your partner is comfortable with kissing in public, and if they aren’t ask them what forms of PDA they approve of. For how to respectfully compromise with your partner about PDA, keep reading!

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