How to Get Someone to Break Up With You

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Plus, tips for breaking up with him directly and respectfully
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When you want to end a relationship, the kindest thing to do is just to be upfront with the person that you're dating. However, if you're not sure what to say, or if you're concerned he won't react well to a breakup, you may be able to convince your boyfriend to break up with you, instead. We talked to a clinical psychologist and dating and relationship coaches to show you how to make him want to break up, drop more obvious clues, and have a more open and honest conversation about your relationship.

How do you make someone break up with you?

Remember that an honest, respectful conversation is always the best way to break up. If that’s not possible, close yourself off emotionally by taking longer to reply to their texts, cutting your conversations short, distancing yourself from them, and hanging out with other people until they get the hint.

Section 1 of 2:

Making Him Want to Break Up

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  1. Licensed clinical psychologist Evan Parks, PsyD tells us that playing the silence game “weakens the bond between two people.” If your boyfriend is used to having a close relationship with you, try acting a little distant. Start going longer and longer before you return his phone calls or texts, and stretch out the time between visits or dates with him. Also, avoid calling or texting him first, at least most of the time. Do this a little at a time so it won't be super obvious.
    • For instance, you might wait a couple of hours before you answer a text instead of responding right away. You might also cancel a date at the last minute by saying something like, "I'm not feeling it tonight. I really need to stay in."
    • You might also skip celebrating his birthday or your anniversary. If he asks why, just tell him you forgot.
    • Cut your conversations a little shorter than normal if you can't avoid talking to him. For instance, you might answer the phone, then make an excuse for why you need to get off the phone after a few minutes.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 180 wikiHow readers if they think it's acceptable to ghost someone, and 53% said No . [Take Poll] It's best to be honest with them and tell them how you feel, instead.
  2. Dating coach Imad Jbara tells us that a healthy relationship is a “mutual give-and-take.” So instead of being cute and flirty when you're with your boyfriend, try to act stilted and uncomfortable to make him break up with you . Give short answers to any questions he asks, and don't try to start any interesting conversations with him. You can even act a little annoyed, like you don't want to be there.
    • For instance, if he asks what you've been doing that day, you might say something like, "Nothing much, it was a normal day at work, then I came over here."
    • If he starts to get upset, try telling him how you really feel by saying something like, "I don't really want to be here right now."
    • Remember that playing games isn’t really fair to either of you, and the best practice is to be straight-up. Only use these tactics if he’s being stubborn about breaking up, to show him you’re over it.
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  3. In a committed relationship, you talk about the long-term. But avoiding those talks is an obvious red flag. [1] If you don't see a future together with your boyfriend, don't make plans that include him, and try to avoid committing to specific plans. If he mentions doing something in the near future, for instance, you might say something like, "We'll see, I don't know what I'll be doing then."
    • If he asks you what you are doing over the weekend, reply with something like "Why do you need to know? You don't have to know where I'm at every moment."
    • If he realizes you can't commit to the weekend, he might get the hint that you don't want to commit to a future with him.
    • When you do talk about the future, don't include him in the plans. Talk about how you want to go on vacation with your friends or are thinking about looking for a job in a new city. If you fail to mention him in any of your plans, he'll know you aren't planning a future with him.
  4. If you don’t love him, don’t say it. [2] Whenever he tells you he loves you, don't say it back. If he asks if you love him, say something noncommittal, such as "Sure," or "Uh-huh." If you do say it, don't sound sincere or convincing, as if it is an afterthought.
    • For instance, if he says something like, "I love you so much," you might say something like, "That's so sweet."
    • Keep in mind that this might hurt his feelings and could provoke an argument. However, if you really don't love him, it's better in the long run to avoid making him feel like you do.
  5. A good way to stop spending time with him is to tell him you need some time away from him. If he starts calling or texting you after a while, just ignore all his attempts. Most likely, he will eventually understand what you are doing and break things off with you. [3]
    • For instance, you might say something like, "I feel like all we do is argue lately. I need some space, so I'm going to stay with my sister this weekend. I'll talk to you when I get back."
  6. Limiting any physical intimacy will definitely send up a red flag about your relationship. [4] No matter what level of intimacy your relationship has gotten to, start backing off from him. For instance, avoid kissing or snuggling with him, or act like you're reaching into your purse or looking at your phone if he tries to hold your hand.
    • If you’ve already been intimate and he tries to initiate sex, tell him you don't feel like it or aren't in the mood.
    • In addition to making your boyfriend feel like things are fine, being physically intimate can make you feel more confused about what you really want. [5]
  7. While you don't necessarily have to pick fights with your boyfriend, you may be able to push him away by coming up with little ways to show disapproval. For instance, you might intentionally take something he says the wrong way, or you could make it an issue when he doesn’t listen to you or does something wrong. Focusing on these subtle moments is a common pressure point in relationships. [6]
    • For instance, if he's running a little late, you might say something like, "You always keep me waiting. What am I supposed to do? Think about how I feel."
    • Keep in mind that this could really affect your boyfriend's self-esteem, especially if he's sensitive. It's much kinder in the long run to just be honest with him about wanting to break up.
  8. A clingy partner can be another pressure point, especially if he’s someone who values his own independence. [7] If that's the case with your boyfriend, you may be able to push him away by acting overly affectionate anytime he's around. Pile on the PDA by holding his hand, wrapping your arms around him, and kissing him on the cheek while he's talking to other people.
    • You might also act jealous if he talks to other girls, demand to know where he's been at all times, or pretend to be upset if he doesn't answer your calls or texts right away.
    • If your boyfriend is nervous about commitment, you might start pushing him to talk more about a future with you. That could make him uncomfortable enough to break up with you.
    • However, it could backfire and make him start seriously thinking about taking your relationship to the next level so he doesn't lose you.
  9. If you and your boyfriend are on social media, you may be able to use that as a way to hint at wanting to break up. For instance, if you have a picture of the two of you as your profile picture, you might change it to a great selfie or a picture of you and your dog, instead. [8]
    • For an even more obvious hint, try changing your relationship status to "It's Complicated," or remove your status from your profile altogether.
  10. The next time that you and your boyfriend are going to hang with your friends, give them a heads up about the situation. Tell them that you're waiting to see if he breaks up with you, and they don't have to treat him as nicely or be as welcoming as they normally would. Then, when you are all together, give more attention to your friends than you do to him. He will feel the cold shoulder from all of you and know that something is up. [9]
    • Keep in mind that if he gets upset by this treatment, he may bring it up again when the two of you are alone.
  11. Another pressure point is how you feel about his friends. [10] Whenever your boyfriend talks about his friends, roll your eyes or complain about them. Point out any little flaws you've noticed about them, as well. Chances are, he'll feel an increased sense of loyalty toward his friends, which could end up pushing him away from you.
    • If you genuinely like his friends, don't do this. They could hear what you said about them, which could hurt your chances of having a friendly relationship with them in the future.
  12. Nothing will make a guy run faster than if you bring up your ex-boyfriend all the time. It’s annoying, and sometimes enough to cause problems. [11] Mention him in conversation, talking about how much you miss him or how you wonder what he's been up to. Not only will your boyfriend's ego be bruised, but he might also start to wonder if your relationship is worth fighting for if you’re remembering a “better time.”
    • For example, you could say something like, "You're the first skinny guy I've ever dated. My ex was huge; he went to the gym every day!"
    • Again, this can be cruel. Only use it if your boyfriend is keeping you in the relationship when you’re unhappy.
  13. 13
    Stop putting effort into your appearance. Most guys expect a certain “standard” for your looks. It’s totally unfair, and also a handy tool to use against him. If things get desperate, stop dressing up for him. Don’t do your makeup, and even consider letting your hygiene slip (while still staying healthy, of course). If you don’t look like the perfect version of you he has in his head (and if he’s a slimy, sleazy guy), he’ll start to feel the passion wane.
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Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Should We Break Up?

You aren’t feeling super happy or comfortable in your relationship—but is it really time to end things, or are you two just going through a rough patch? While the future of your relationship is ultimately in your hands, you’re not alone as you wrestle with this tough question. Take this quiz to get a second opinion on the status of your relationship—and whether it’s worth sticking things out or not.
1 of 15

Describe your current relationship in a single word:

Section 2 of 2:

How to Break Up Respectfully

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  1. 1
    Organize your thoughts and practice what you’ll say. Before you have the conversation, think about and make a list of reasons why it’s not working out. That way, you don’t get lost, sidetracked, or talked out of breaking up. [12] Practice what you’ll say in private, so it feels more comfortable when the time comes.
    • For example, it might be that you have different long-term goals, or you don’t feel compatible, or that you don’t feel heard in the relationship.
  2. 2
    Find a private moment in person to bring it up. Relationship coach Luis Congdon encourages “talking it out.” It’s best to do this when you’re both alone, so you can speak your mind freely. If you need to, though, feel free to have a friend or family member by your side if you’re worried it’ll just turn into an argument, or that he’ll try to talk you out of it.
  3. 3
    Give your reasons for why you’re breaking up. State your case clearly and calmly. Don’t try to insult him or start a fight. All you’re doing is telling him your experience and listing the ways you’re unhappy. Use “I” statements that communicate your own feelings, rather than pinning the blame on him, to avoid an argument. [13]
    • For example, say, “I feel like I’m not listened to, and nothing has helped. I think it’s best we part ways.”
    • Or, “I don’t think this relationship is what’s best for my life, and I don’t want to lead you on. I’m ending things.”
  4. 4
    Don’t leave any room for debate. Once you’ve spoken your piece, it’s best to leave once and for all. You might let him say something, but if he tries to convince you to stay, exit the situation. Don’t even try to argue or reason with him—that just makes you reconsider leaving. [14] It’s best to have someplace you can go lined up beforehand, especially if you live with your boyfriend. Crash at a friend’s place or a family member’s.
    • As part of the split, block his number, and block him on social media. Going no contact with someone is the best way to end things for good, and removes the temptation to start things up again, for both of you.
  5. 5
    Bring a friend if you’re afraid of his reaction. If you’re worried he might respond with anger or violence, ask a friend to accompany you, preferably a guy or at least someone intimidating, as part of your safety plan. [15] That way, you have an ally who can help you and remove you from the situation if things get heated. Ask your friend to wait nearby, or even in the same room, when you have the conversation.
    • If you fear for your safety, there’s no need to have a respectful conversation. If it’s that bad, consider moving in with friends or family.
    • If you opt to move out without a conversation, it’s still a good idea to bring backup, in case he tries to stop you.
    • If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help.
  6. 6
    Focus on yourself for a while to get over the relationship. Even if you wanted the breakup, it can still be distressing. Ease the pain by taking some time for yourself. Spend time with friends, do things you love, and pamper yourself with some self-care, like some meditation or even a spa day. [16] When you see how much you enjoy life post-breakup, you’re less likely to regret it.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you know if it's time to break up?
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    It might be worth considering breaking up if you don't see a future with this person or your relationship is not progressing. If they don't make you happy, if you don't feel that you are a better person thanks to them, it might also be a sign that it's time to break up. Breakups are never easy, but the longer you stay with someone who is not right for you, the more time you're taking away and missing out on the person that could be your perfect match.
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    Not Helpful 6 Helpful 23
  • Question
    My boyfriend really loves me but I’ve lost feeling for him. I don’t want to break his heart. How do I break up with him without breaking his heart?
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    Unfortunately, you have to accept that he'll probably be hurt when the two of you break up. However, it will be better for him in the long run if you go ahead and end things now.
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  • Question
    How to end 2 month relationship
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    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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    Just be straightforward - say something like, "This isn't really working out for me."
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      • If possible, just be honest with your boyfriend. It is an easier and less stressful option than playing games.
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      • If you're scared of how your boyfriend will react if you break up with him, consider reaching out to your family and friends to let them know that you may need help leaving an abusive relationship. You can also call a domestic abuse hotline, like the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the US at 1-800-799-7233.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Keep in mind that just "dropping hints" that you want to break up can be hurtful, and that you're the one causing that hurt. Think carefully before you try to manipulate someone's feelings like this.
      • Tell him outright how you feel, and that you don't think things are working out. It'll save everyone a whole lot of time.
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about break ups, check out our in-depth interview with Imad Jbara .

      References

      1. ↑ http://madamenoire.com/262414/14-signs-hes-probably-gonna-break-up-with-you-sorry/5/
      2. ↑ https://madamenoire.com/262414/14-signs-hes-probably-gonna-break-up-with-you-sorry/
      3. ↑ http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2014/11/slow-fade-wants-you-to-break-up
      4. ↑ https://madamenoire.com/262414/14-signs-hes-probably-gonna-break-up-with-you-sorry/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201805/fourteen-ways-break-better
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-of-love/202408/6-signs-your-relationship-may-not-be-worth-the-fight
      7. ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/my-partner-too-clingy
      8. ↑ http://madamenoire.com/262414/14-signs-hes-probably-gonna-break-up-with-you-sorry/11/
      9. ↑ http://madamenoire.com/262414/14-signs-hes-probably-gonna-break-up-with-you-sorry/14/
      1. ↑ https://www.stylist.co.uk/relationships/getting-on-with-partners-friends/481215
      2. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/advice-for-dating-a-divorcee
      3. ↑ https://www.npr.org/transcripts/950821286
      4. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/break-up-words.html
      5. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-break-up-with-someone
      6. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/help_a_friend/
      7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce

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