How to Be True to Yourself: An Expert Guide

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Advice to help you avoid a negative self-image and embrace yourself
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Staying true to yourself is a matter of personal integrity and self-respect. It involves standing up for your values and not caving in to the demands or expectations of others, even under pressure. It can be tough to stay true to yourself consistently—especially when you’re young—but it’s also incredibly rewarding. In this article, we work with various life coaches and clinical psychologists to teach you how to stay true to yourself and learn who you are .

How to Stay True to Yourself

Be honest, no matter who you’re talking to. Identify your values and don’t betray them for anyone, especially to fit in. Ask yourself what you want to accomplish and how you want to be remembered, then work to achieve those goals. While you do, make sure to remain vulnerable and open about your emotions.

Section 1 of 6:

How to Be Yourself

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  1. Part of being true to yourself is saying what you actually mean. It can be very tempting to give in to peer pressure or social expectation and merely repeat the opinions of others, but people who are true to themselves resist this impulse. They let their honest thoughts and feelings be known (without being rude about it, of course). [1]
    • For example, if some of your friends are praising a film that you didn’t enjoy, you could say something like, “I’m glad you guys like the movie, but it didn’t do much for me.”
  2. In social settings, it can be tempting to pick on people for the sake of making yourself look witty, clever, or cool, but it’s also an easy way to go against who you are for temporary gratification, so avoid this impulse. For example, if your friend group is teasing a less popular person, don’t join in the teasing just to make your friends laugh. Instead, say something like, “I think we should stop the teasing, guys. It isn’t cool.” [2]
    • This will show your friends that you have personal morals and won’t compromise them to fit in.
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  3. The people we hang out with have a big influence on who we are as people, and it’s pretty hard to stay true to yourself when everyone around you is pressuring you to be someone else. So, make sure you’re around people with integrity! Supportive friends with good values can let you know if you’re acting out, and they’ll also support you when you’re going through tough times. [3]
    • Choose your friends wisely, and make an effort to connect with genuinely kind people, not cruel or judgmental ones.
    • Make sure that your friends like you for who you truly are. If they’re constantly trying to get you to change, they might not be the best fit for you.
    • Think of good friends and close family members as your integrity accountability mentors. These people should have high levels of integrity themselves, so they can help you make decisions that are in line with your values.
  4. As a general rule, there’s very little to be gained by deceiving others about who you are or what you value. People who are true to themselves are comfortable with letting their true beliefs and personality be known, no matter what others think. If you feel like you need to conceal parts of your character (including religious or political beliefs) in order to be liked, it’s possible that you’re not being true to yourself. [4]
    • For example, if your friends all love watching rugby games, but you’re not into sports, don’t go along with them just to feel like you fit in. Instead, say something like, “How about we do something different today? Let’s go bowling.”
    • According to life coach Rachel Clissold, being yourself means showing up unselfconsciously, just like you did as a child. If you want to dance, dance. If you want to jump, jump. Have the courage to speak up and do what you feel like doing.
  5. 5
    Practice being vulnerable. Being vulnerable means sharing your emotions and being honest about how you feel. The more you practice being vulnerable , especially around others, the more opportunities you get for personal growth, meaningful living, and being your authentic self. On top of that, vulnerability can help you form stronger bonds with others, which helps you to stay true to yourself around them. [5]
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Section 2 of 6:

How to Find Yourself

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  1. Values are at the core of who you are, as they tend to guide your personal interests and behaviors. So it's worth taking some time to figure out what they are. To help you identify your core values , make a list of the characteristics you find important, such as freedom, power, helpfulness, or integrity. Try to order your list starting with the characteristics you care about the most, then working your way down. This will help you come up with the core personal values that mean the most to you. [6]
    • For example, if you care about characteristics like kindness, honesty, and acceptance, rank how much you care about those things to determine which you value the most.
    • Your values may change over time, so your list won't remain static. That's fine! The point is to check in with yourself regularly, and you can do this exercise any time to help you with that process.
    • If you are struggling to come up with a list on your own, try looking for one online to help get you started.
  2. This is an important part of getting to know yourself and staying true to who you are, as you’ll find out what you really like and don’t like. [7] Personal interests can include things like interpersonal skills, professional skills, and hobbies . Once you have a few of these things in mind, you’ll have a better idea of who you are and a better handle on what it means to be true to yourself.
    • For example, maybe one of your siblings is an incredible athlete, but you lack their athletic talent. That’s fine! Figure out what you are good at. Maybe that’s art or business, for example.
    • When exploring your passions, life coach Sandra Possing suggests getting super honest and curious. Don’t keep yourself in a box of what you think you should be doing. Loosen up and let yourself be curious about the world!
  3. 3
    Determine the legacy you want to leave behind. Certified leadership and life coach Christina Stathopoulos, PCC, ACCC, recommends discovering who you truly are by asking yourself who you want to be, what you want to be celebrated for, and what you want to be remembered for. Asking these questions will help you figure out what you want out of life and how you want to be remembered, which both count as your legacy.
    • For example, if you want to teach others how to tackle life, be celebrated for helping the youth, and remembered for the contributions you made to the future generation, you may want to leave a legacy as a teacher or counselor.
  4. According to therapist Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP, “it’s important to show self-love and forgiveness for when you make mistakes. We are all human, we are bound to make errors in judgment.” The most important thing is that you learn from the mistakes you've made and move forward, rather than dwelling on them. Otherwise, you’ll continue to mentally beat yourself up for something that’s unchangeable and in the past, which can cause you to try to live like someone you’re not in an attempt to avoid making those mistakes again. [8]
    • For example, if you fail a test in high school or college, don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead, figure out where you went wrong and work to correct that error on your next test.
    • Living like someone you’re not is the opposite of being true to yourself, so it’s really important that you accept your mistakes and learn from them if you want to be true to yourself!
  5. 5
    Practice mindfulness and meditation. Mindfulness helps you stay present and aware of yourself and your emotions, while meditation can help you calm down and regulate your emotions. Practice these in tandem to become more aware of how you act in different emotional states and use that awareness to tackle what really matters to you. [9]
    • For example, if you have been trying to land your dream job , mindfulness and meditation can help you relieve the stress of searching for a job while still making sure you stay on top of your efforts.
    • Clinical psychologist Peggy Rios, PhD, says to lower your expectations before practicing mindfulness. You don’t have to clear your mind of absolutely everything. Instead, start by increasing your awareness of your thoughts.
  6. SMART is an acronym that stands for: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. SMART goals can help you be realistic about the types of goals you can achieve, and will help keep you on track to meet the goals. Plus, you’ll have more personal drive and integrity if you have personal and professional goals to work towards. [10]
    • Say you want to be a musician . First, be specific: decide what type of music you’d like to play, and at what level. Then, decide if you can attain these goals based on your knowledge, drive, and access to support.
    • Make sure your goal of being a musician is relevant to your personal interests, and give yourself a specific time limit in which to meet your goals.
    • By setting SMART goals, you can figure out what you really want to do and take solid, action-filled steps to get there, staying true to yourself.
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Section 3 of 6:

How to Accept Yourself

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  1. If friends or acquaintances are unfairly criticizing you, pay them no attention. The people who really mean the most are those who stick by your side and respect and love you for who you are. For example, if a friend decides to make fun of you behind your back for wearing clothes that they don’t like, ignore their rude opinion. [11]
    • On the flip side, you should learn from positive and constructive feedback about improving yourself, especially from friends and family. Those you trust can suggest excellent ways to improve yourself and help bring out your true talents and abilities
    • For example, if a friend says, “I think that you need to work on your temper; you’ve been angry lately, and it’s starting to drive your friends away,” their advice would be worth listening to.
  2. It’s hard to be true to yourself if you have a low opinion of yourself or lack self-esteem. [12] Luckily, you can really boost your self-image by listing out some of the things you’re truly amazing at. Pull out a sheet of paper, and write down 5–10 character strengths that you think you have. For example, you could write:
    • Good at the guitar.
    • Sympathetic.
    • Funny.
    • Ambitious when it comes to following my passions.
    • Good listener.
  3. This will help you be true to yourself in a way that is authentic and that you can maintain over time. For example, if you think you’re sympathetic, think about how you can show greater sympathy to your friends and family members. Or, if you have a great sense of humor, look for ways in which you can make others feel better through some jokes. [13]
    • This activity will help you develop a positive self-image. A positive self-image encourages you to stay true to yourself and your beliefs, since you will feel less pressure to be someone you’re not or to act in a way you find inauthentic.
  4. The more you accept who you are, flaws and all, the easier it is to stay true to yourself. According to clinical psychologist Elisha Goldstein, PhD, self-acceptance is like a muscle—you build it through intentional practice and repetition. For example, practices like reframing negative thoughts and being kind to yourself can help you build up your self-acceptance levels. Here’s an example:
    • Imagine that you failed a test or made a mistake at work, and you catch yourself thinking something negative, like, “I’m so stupid!”
    • To reframe this thought, you could tell yourself something like, “One mistake doesn’t define me. This is actually an opportunity to learn and grow, which is good for me in the long run.”
    • This kinder, gentler approach helps you maintain your self-esteem and allows you to be proud of the person you are, even when you’ve made a mistake.
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Section 4 of 6:

What does it mean to be true to yourself?

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  1. Being true to yourself means living by your beliefs. This means staying true to your values and not compromising them for anything, not acting out of character or in a way that isn’t authentic to you and your beliefs, and making sure your needs are met, even when you’re pressured to do the opposite by others. [14] For example, if you’re told to try a drink that you don’t like, refusing the drink because you don’t like it would be staying true to yourself.
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Section 5 of 6:

Final Thoughts

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  1. Being true to yourself is all about accepting the person you truly are. Once you love yourself for who you are and consistently live life according to your values, you’ll have achieved the goal of staying true to yourself. It takes work, but by practicing mindfulness and meditation, exploring your interests, and reframing your thoughts to be more kind to yourself, you can reach where you want to be.
    • A part of being true to yourself is tuning out the noise. Avoid unjustified criticism from others and focus on your strengths and how you can nurture them.
    • On the same tip, don’t tune out constructive, valid criticism, especially from those you look up to or care about. Instead, think about how you can improve on the things they’re criticizing.
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What Are Some Tips on Staying True to Yourself?

Section 6 of 6:

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      Tips

      • Don’t change yourself to impress someone else! If they can’t accept who you are, then it’s not worth it.
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      • Never listen to anybody who tells you that you aren’t good enough. Everybody is beautiful in one way or another.
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      • If you aren’t satisfied with yourself, the only way to stay true to yourself is to figure out who you are. Many of us aren’t sure who we are or who we'd like to become, and that is totally okay.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201506/5-ways-build-trust-and-honesty-in-your-relationship
      2. ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/bullying/prevent
      3. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/what-makes-a-good-friend
      4. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_ways_to_be_fully_authentic
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-well-when-your-body-doesnt-cooperate/202305/embracing-vulnerability
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201811/6-ways-to-discover-and-choose-your-core-values
      7. ↑ https://alis.alberta.ca/careerinsite/know-yourself/
      8. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-get-over-making-a-mistake
      9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/ways-to-accept-yourself#how-to-accept-yourself
      1. ↑ https://www.health.state.mn.us/communities/practice/resources/phqitoolbox/objectives.html
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sapient-nature/201603/how-not-worry-about-what-others-think-you
      3. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/12942-fostering-a-positive-self-image
      4. ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/use_your_strengths
      5. ↑ https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/true-to

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Staying true to yourself can lead to more happiness, confidence, and independence. Part of being true to yourself is saying what you mean. While it can be tempting to give in to peer pressure or social expectations, people who are true to themselves resist this impulse and express their honest thoughts and feelings. This honesty extends to not hiding your character or preferences. For example, if your friends love watching football, but you’re not into sports, don’t go along with them just to fit in. If you’re not sure what your true interests or values are, then take some time to figure yourself out. Think about what you’re good at, what you like to spend time doing, and what’s important to you. To learn how to embrace your flaws, keep reading!

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