Do Guys Expect a Kiss on the First Date?

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To kiss or not to kiss, that is the question. With all the conflicting dating rules circling the Internet, it’s hard to figure out if kissing on the first date is a good idea. Will your date be disappointed if you don’t pucker up? We’re here to answer all of your questions about whether or not guys expect a kiss on the first date.

This article is based on an interview with our dating and relationship coach, Maya Diamond, MA. Check out the full interview here.

Section 1 of 6:

Is a kiss expected at the end of a first date?

  1. Only about 53% of first dates actually end with a kiss. [1] You should only kiss if it’s what you both want. A guy who’s truly interested in you will be happy to wait for your first kiss.
    • If a guy gets upset about waiting, he’s not respecting your boundaries.
  2. You might decide to go on a date with a friend or someone you met through mutual acquaintances. When you’ve known each other for a while, you’ll likely feel more comfortable sharing a kiss. In that case, your date might decide to go in for the kiss at the end of the night.
    • You can still decide it’s not the right time, though. Tell him, “I’m excited to see where this goes, but I’d like to wait for our first kiss.”
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  3. You might not feel comfortable kissing someone you just met, and that’s totally okay. A guy you met online is still a stranger, so don’t feel pressured to kiss him. Chances are, he’s used to waiting until a later date.
    • You might feel more comfortable if you let him know early on that you don’t like to kiss on a first date. Say, “I’m so happy we could do this. I wanted to tell you now that I don’t end my first dates with a kiss. I hope you understand.”
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Section 2 of 6:

Should you kiss on a first date?

  1. Sharing your first kiss is a romantic way to end your first date, and kissing shows your date you’re attracted to them. Additionally, a kiss will help you both evaluate each other as a potential partner. [2] If you’re both into it, lean in for a kiss.
    • You don’t have to follow any kind of “social etiquette” when you’re seeing someone.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Don't be afraid to make the first move. Forget the traditional rules. A playful touch on the arm or a gentle brush of hands can create a spark. Be respectful and always read your date's body language. Feel free to explore further connection if they seem comfortable with your touch.


Section 3 of 6:

What does a kiss on the first date mean?

  1. Typically, people only kiss someone they find attractive. Chances are, your date is into you! Take it as a good sign that they want to see you again. [3]
    • If you’ve gone out with a friend, a kiss might mean you’re taking your relationship to the next level.
    • After your first kiss might be a good time to mention a second date. You could say, “I’d love to see you again. Maybe we could go out next weekend.”
  2. You don’t always feel a spark on a first date. Sharing a first kiss could help you figure out if there’s mutual attraction . Generally, you’re more likely to have chemistry with someone you think is a good kisser. [4]
    • If you decide to kiss, it might help you decide if you want a second date or not. If there’s no chemistry, another date might not be worth it.
  3. Some guys avoid analyzing things when it comes to dating. He likely isn’t thinking about the timing of your first kiss. He just wants to know if you had a great time. [5]
    • If you don’t want to kiss him, reassure him by saying, “I had an amazing time tonight and would love to see you again.”
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Section 4 of 6:

Is it bad if you don't kiss on the first date?

  1. You should only kiss someone if you feel totally comfortable. You might prefer to wait until the 3rd or 4th date for your first kiss. If something feels off, just tell him you aren’t ready yet. You could say:
    • “I would love a kiss, but I’m just not ready yet.”
    • “I prefer to go on a few dates before having a first kiss.”
    • “Tonight’s been perfect, so can we end with a hug?”
  2. You’ve probably had dates where you felt immediate chemistry with the other person. On the flipside, you’ll likely have dates where you’re not sure if you connect. When that happens, you might decide to go on a second or even a third date before you decide if you want to kiss. [6]
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Section 5 of 6:

How do you initiate a kiss on a first date?

  1. Staring into your date’s eyes shows him you like him, and it kindles passion between you. [7] If he stares deep into your eyes, he probably wants to kiss you, too.
    • If he keeps avoiding your eyes, it might be best to wait for your first kiss.
  2. After you make eye contact, angle your body toward your date. [8] Hopefully, he’ll lean toward you, so you know he’s into it.
    • He might not be ready for a kiss if he pulls away. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you, so don’t despair. He may just need more time to get to know you.
  3. Breaking the touch barrier signals to your date that you’re into him. [9] If he responds to your touch, go in for the kiss—that is, if he hasn’t already.
    • Many guys like to initiate the first kiss , so he might go for it if he thinks you’re into it.
    • If he pulls away from your touch, he might not be the type to kiss on the first date.
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Section 6 of 6:

How do I prepare for a first kiss?

  1. You want to make a good first impression, and the pressure can be nerve-wracking. Put your mind at ease with an icy mint and a softening lip-balm. [10] You’ll feel ready to lock lips in no time.
    • Always carry mints, gum, or mouthwash when you go on a first date. You don’t want to get caught with garlic or onion breath.
  2. Visualization is a great way to calm your nerves. [11] Before you go in for a kiss, imagine yourself leaning toward your date, meeting his lips with yours, and enjoying the moment. Then, picture him smiling and telling you it felt amazing. Hopefully, this will help you feel a lot more confident about your first kiss.
    • It might be fun to imagine different scenarios for your first kiss. For instance, you might picture you initiating and then fantasize about him initiating.
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      Tips

      • If you’re going to go in for a kiss, freshen your breath with a mint or gum so it’ll be more pleasurable. [12]
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      • Don’t worry about dating rules. Just go at your own pace and everything will work out as it should.
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      • Everyone has their own opinions about when to share a first kiss. Check in with your date to find out how he feels.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/news/a26676/date-sex-etiquette-poll/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/why-we-kiss-and-how-do-it-right
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-love-the-scientific-take/201803/first-dates
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/why-we-kiss-and-how-do-it-right
      5. ↑ https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/first-date-tips-for-men-and-women
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/201908/not-feeling-initial-spark-the-first-date
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201503/loving-eye-contact-how-mutual-staring-can-create-passion
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/why-we-kiss-and-how-do-it-right
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/why-we-kiss-and-how-do-it-right
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/why-we-kiss-and-how-do-it-right
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/relaxation-techniques-for-stress-relief.htm
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/why-we-kiss-and-how-do-it-right

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