Ghosting Ignoring or avoiding them for a period of time prior to your break up is disrespectful and immature. ✗ “....” ✓ “Hey, we need to talk — can I come over?” Breaking up via text, phone, or email This will only tell them that you don’t care enough to give them the time of day to sit down with them and talk. ✗ “Hey Mark, just calling to tell you it’s over. Call me back if you want. Sorry.” ✓ “Hey Mark, when is a good time for you to sit down and talk about something?” Judgment or blaming Avoid “you” statements as it will cause them hurt and to be defensive. ✗ “You are too needy and want to take up too much of my time.” ✓ “I feel I need to spend more time on my own.” Being harsh Insults and harsh truths will only increase his or her pain from the breakup and may even lead to an unnecessary shouting match. ✗ “You let yourself go and I’m not attracted to you anymore.” ✓ “I don’t feel the same chemistry between us.” Going in angry Entering the conversation when you’re angry is never a good idea, especially when you know some intense emotions are going to come up. Take time to ground yourself with some affirmations or calming mantras so you can have a mature conversation. ✗ “I am about to explode on him. He deserves it.” ✓ “I am calm, in control, and I don’t want to hurt him.” Leading them on Be clear about the fact that you are breaking up and commit to your decision. Giving them hope will only create lingering pain. ✗ “I feel suffocated and we just need to spend some time away for a while.” ✓ “I feel I can’t give you the time and attention you deserve and we need to break up.” Lying You owe it to them to be honest about why you’re ending it, especially if you care about them. ✗ “I’m just really busy with work and family stuff, I don’t have time for a relationship right now.” ✓ “I feel like our lifestyles are not compatible and it’s best if we break up.” Having to justify your feelings Your feelings are valid and you don’t have to provide evidence or justification.. ✗ “Sorry, I guess I’m feeling this way because I’m afraid of abandonment or something.” ✓ “This is how I feel and that’s that--I don’t need to rationalize my emotions.” Immediately trying to be friends Breaking up isn’t easy on anyone involved, so even if you want to be friends again, don’t try to force it right away. Give both of you time to heal and get over each other. ✗ “So I was hoping we could go out for lunch tomorrow as friends…?” ✓ “I’d like for us to be friends at some point but I think it will take a while for both of us to get to a place where we’re ready.” Hooking up The fear of loneliness may cause you to feel like you want to hook up with them one last time, but doing so will only create confusion for both of you. ✗ “Think we could be close one last time?” ✓ “May I give you a hug before I head home?”