Use “I” statements Start your conversation with “I feel” or “I think” to foster a healthy, honest conversation that doesn’t go straight to accusations. “I feel like you’re hiding something. Is there anything that’s hard to talk about with me?” “I think it’s weird that you leave the room to text. Is there something I should know?” Have open communication Discuss your plans and daily doings so both of you know what’s going on when the other is not around. Openly ask questions and express any worries you might have in a gentle way. “You’re going to have a great time at that concert, but I must say I feel a little worried that Lily is going to be there. Does she know that you and I are a couple?” “I think it’s odd that you get so secretive when Penny calls. Is there something you can talk about with her but not with me?” Be calm and friendly Speak in a curious, neutral tone to avoid them thinking you’re suspicious or accusing them. “Your friend Lily seems like a really cool girl. I think it’d be fun if we all had dinner sometime.” “I feel like I don’t know much about the friends you go out with a lot. Want to fill me in or introduce us?” Avoid blaming Blaming begets defensiveness and aggression. “You stayed out late with Lily last night, you two are sneaking around!” “You have a crush on her, I know it!” Be open about your past If you have had a partner lose your trust in the past, be honest about that and let them know that you’ve cleaned the slate and owe it to them to offer trust first. “I know that I have had problems trusting people before, but I want you to know that I’m giving you my trust first and foremost.” “Full disclosure, I’ve been cheated on in the past so trust doesn’t come easy to me. But I want you to know that I’m working on my doubts and fears and am offering you my trust.” Avoid throwing trust in their face This is an abrasive, ineffective strategy that leads to blame, accusations, and a potential shouting match. “I don’t trust you and think you’re a cheater!” “I don’t trust you because you don’t tell me things!” Ask what you can do to restore trust If you messed up, show that you acknowledge your wrong and want to do better in the future. “What can I do to make up for it?” “I’m sorry that I broke your trust, I feel awful about it. Will you tell me what I can do to make it up to you?” Thank them after your conversation Conversations about trust can be draining, so show your partner that you’re grateful for their dedication to talking through these issues. “Thank you, I really appreciate your sitting down with me to talk about this.” “Thank you for your honesty and willingness to talk about this and work on our relationship.” Talk to a professional If communication breaks down, gently suggest seeking out a couple’s counselor. “I feel like our communication styles are crossing paths and I think it would be helpful to talk to a counselor to work through this.” “I don’t feel that we’re communicating in a healthy way and think seeing a professional could help us work through these issues.”