Share openly True friends will be there for you through the good and the bad. Celebrate the good things in your life together and trust them to hear the bad things (and not run away). Self-disclosure inspires them to open up to you in return. Examples: “Can I share something with you? I’ve never told anybody this because I think they’d run for the hills, but I trust you…” “Only my family knows this, but I had to have a serious operation about 8 years ago…” Actively listen to them Show that you’re interested and engaged by actively listening to them when they speak (e.g., put away all distractions, don’t interrupt with your own story or advice, and give them your full attention). You can nod, offer small words that show you’re listening, and ask questions to show you’re engaged. Examples: “Uh huh…I hear you…” “Then what happened?” Be yourself Don’t be someone you’re not because any fakeness will show. If you’re making sacrifices to hang out with your friend, you might start to feel resentful and they’ll pick up on your discomfort. Examples: “I’d love to go to dinner but I can’t really afford anything that fancy right now. How about the cafe down the street?” “I’m not much of a late night party animal, but I’ll hang out until ten or so.” Let them into your circle Introducing your new friend to your old friends and your family is a sign that you want them to be a more stable part of your life. Examples: “I can’t wait for you to meet my Mom, you’ll love her and I’m pretty sure she’ll make jokes about adopting you, haha!” “Want to come to a movie night at my friend’s place? It’s at Carl’s house (my former college roommate that I told you about). A big group of us do it every week.” Do things both of you like Building a close friendship can be a lot like dating in the sense that you aren’t sure what to do together at first. Plan hang-out sessions around things both of you enjoy. Examples: “I know you’re excited about the Spice Girls reunion tour… we should totally get tickets and make a night of it!” “Want to break in your new hiking boots and explore a new trail with me?” Don’t try too hard Keep your hang-outs simple. Don’t just plan to do things only they like to do because you’ll feel uncomfortable and your friend will pick up on that. If they invite you to something you’re not into, be honest and keep an open mind. Examples: “Want to meet up for dinner and figure out the rest of the night then?” “I understand if you’re not into anime. I’m also excited to see the new Pixar movie if you’d rather do that?” Build rituals Make a routine together around things you both enjoy to share a special ritual and give stability to your hangouts. Examples: “Hey, are we on for our usual GOT watch party tomorrow night?” “We work out at exactly the same time! Let’s meet up and be late night jogging buddies?” Don’t rush things Building a friendship should be slow and steady, not a sprint. Avoid hanging out too often so you don’t get tired of each other and each of you can maintain your independence. Examples: “I’m free to hang out around 2 or 3 times a week if that works for you?” “I had a blast last night but need a day or two to recharge my batteries. I’m game for our usual Wednesday lunch though!”