How to Get a Shy Guy to Tell You He Likes You, According to a Dating Coach

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Plus, learn the subtle signs your shy guy is crushing on you!
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When you’re talking to a shy guy, it might be a little hard to tell if he likes you or not. Getting a shy guy to open up about his feelings can be tough, but thankfully, there are ways you can make him feel more comfortable and confident about sharing his feelings. Keep reading for a list of ways you can speed up this process to get a shy guy to admit that he wants to take your relationship to the next level, including expert tips from dating coach John Keegan to help you along!

Getting a Shy Guy to Open Up about His Feelings

To get a shy guy to admit that he likes you, build a strong friendship with him and get to know him on a deep level. Playfully touch him on the arm or shoulder and maintain flirty eye contact. Ask him what his first impression of you was and if he's looking for a relationship. You can also make the first move!

Section 1 of 3:

Getting a Shy Guy to Admit He Likes You

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  1. Be open and honest with each other. Shy guys need a lot of reassurance before they open up, so try to give him that. Do this by making plans and sticking to them, communicating well, and prioritizing him in your life.
    • If you don’t prioritize him or you constantly cancel plans, he’ll be much less likely to admit that he likes you. Show him that you like him with your actions.
    • Be a good listener, too. When he talks, make eye contact with him and nod along so he knows you’re listening.
  2. Talk about his hopes, his dreams, and his fears. The more you two understand each other, the more willing he’ll be to say that he likes you. Try not to bombard him with questions (that tends to make shy guys uncomfortable), but ask him a few personal things every time you two hang out. Keegan suggests that you ask him things like: [1]
    • “What’s your biggest goal in life?”
    • “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”
    • “What’s your happiest memory from childhood?”
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  3. In conversations, take breaks to see if he has anything to say. Shy guys sometimes have trouble inserting themselves into conversations. When you two chat, try to pause every few minutes and let the silence build. Keegan says, “Create space for him to enter the conversation.” This means “stopping” and enduring “longer silences yourself” to allow your shy crush to come in. [2]
    • Shy guys also usually like to think about what they say before they say it. Giving him a chance to talk will ensure he feels comfortable and confident.
    • Don’t bombard him with questions, as that can make him feel intimidated.
  4. Prolonged eye contact sends a signal that you like him. If you want him to feel comfortable, try looking him deep in the eye and holding that contact. He’ll probably feel more comfortable, and he’ll be more likely to open up to you. Keegan notes that “really strong eye contact” and “lots of physical touch” can help a shy guy loosen up. [3]
    • Don’t worry if he has trouble meeting your gaze—he’s probably just nervous!
  5. Break the physical barrier to make him feel comfortable. When you two are together, pat his hand or touch him on the arm when you laugh at his joke. This is a way to let him know that you like him, which could make him feel more comfortable about opening up to you. According to Keegan, flirtatious physical touch can come in many forms: “You can pretend arm wrestle, read each other's palms, twirl each other around…silly things like that.” [4]
    • You could also give him a hug or kiss him on the cheek.
    • If he reciprocates your physical touches, it’s a good sign that he’s into you.
  6. 6
    Pay him compliments. Letting your shy crush know that you like his outfit or that his hair looks exceptionally good upon seeing him are great ways to help boost his confidence. And confidence can translate into him opening up more, which is the goal. Of course, it’s important that you come up with thoughtful, genuine compliments so that he knows you’re seeing him for who he really is. Here are some ideas:
    • “I love your green eyes, they’re like the color of two apple martinis.”
    • “Your extensive knowledge on [subject] is really impressive— I could listen to you for hours.”
    • “You have excellent style. Has anyone ever told you that?”
    • “I really admire how much discipline you have.”
  7. 7
    Ask him to help you with something or do you a favor. Psychologically speaking, some men find “damsel in distress” types easier to approach and therefore easier to open up to. For some, being able to help a potential romantic partner fortifies their sense of masculinity and drive, ultimately leading to a win-win situation for both people. [5]
    • Being a damsel in distress might mean asking your shy crush to help you fix your laptop, put a little elbow grease into tuning up your car, or change a few lightbulbs around the house.
    • If he’s happy to help out, that could be a sign he’s into you—and he just might admit it while he’s assisting you.
  8. If he misses you, he’s more likely to open up to you. You don’t have to hang out 24/7; see him a few times a week, but let him have some alone time, too. Shy guys often need some time on their own to rest and recharge, so it’s a win-win. [6]
    • Try to let him initiate some of your plans, too. If you’re the one texting and calling first 100% of the time, it might be a red flag.
  9. This is a nice way to segue into a talk about your feelings. If you two are chatting together, try asking a fun, flirty question about the time you two first met. Then, you can follow up with what he thinks of you now (and whether or not he likes you). [7]
    • For instance, you might say something like, “What was your first impression of me?” Then, you can follow up with “Wow! So what do you think of me now?”
  10. Get a read on how he feels about dating to see if he’s into you. If he wholeheartedly wants to couple up with someone, it’s a good sign that he might like you. If he’s unwilling to answer or he says he’s not looking for a relationship, he might be trying to let you down easily. Try something like: [8]
    • “Are you interested in being in a relationship right now?”
    • “Do you want to stay single for a while, or do you think you’re ready to date someone again?”
  11. Shy people are often more comfortable opening up over text. Instead of asking him questions while you two are together, try texting him to get a read on his feelings. He might be more willing to talk about the fact that he likes you if he can just send you a text. Keegan advises that you try opening with a photo or a song that made you think of him. “Just say, ‘Oh, I was listening to a song and it reminded me of what we're talking about the other day,’” he offers. [9]
    • You can also try the old-fashioned “How's your day going?” method. Keegan adds, “It can be that simple, and the less pressure, the better.” [10]
    • Although it might feel less special than an in-person talk, feel free to tell him you like him over text. It will take the pressure off both of you so you can talk freely.
  12. He’ll be more likely to share if he knows you like him. Let him know that you have feelings for him so he feels comfortable opening up, too. You don’t have to make it a big deal, but you can let him know that you really like him and care about him, and you want to see where this goes. [11]
    • For instance, you might say, “Hey, I just want you to know that I’ve really enjoyed our time together. I want to keep getting to know you because I like you a lot.”
    • Reader Poll: Did you know that out of 989 wikiHow readers, 71% said that they've never actually asked out their crush? [Take Poll] While asking out your crush can be nerve-wracking, by having the courage to ask, you’ll find out if they like you back and feel proud for putting yourself out there!
  13. Lean in and give him a kiss if you want to. Shy guys are often too nervous to make the first move themselves. If you’re really feeling it, you can initiate contact and move your relationship to the next level. He’ll probably feel more comfortable opening up to you if you’ve established that you like him. Keegan offers some insight: “It's okay for a girl to make the first move if the guy is really shy.” He explains, “Some girls like shy guys because they like to make the move. So, it's okay to lead the way.” [12]
    • He might be a little stiff at first, but that’s probably because he’s nervous. Give him a few seconds to get used to your kiss before you give up.
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Section 2 of 3:

Signs a Shy Guy Likes You

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  1. 1
    He finds opportunities to spend time around you. If a guy likes you, he’ll try to be around you as often as he can. Maybe he picks you as his lab partner at school or schedules his lunch break at the same time as yours at work. Maybe he makes up a silly excuse to go pick up something at your place and lingers a bit at the door when it’s time to leave. He just won’t be able to get enough of you— and you’ll know it! [13]
  2. 2
    He displays open body language. Body language is so important when trying to figure out if someone is into you. He might look your way constantly, maintain eye contact whenever you’re chatting, or even angle his body toward you in an open position. These all signals that he likes what he sees , but is still trying to muster up the courage to say it.
    • Smiling, laughing nervously or awkwardly, and keeping his body aimed in your direction are other positive body language clues to look for.
  3. 3
    He gets nervous around you. Naturalist Charles Darwin once noted that when lovers meet, their “hearts beat quickly, their breathing is hurried, and their faces flush.” His explanation? “Love is not inactive.” A study conducted in 2020 has only further fortified this fact. Scientists observed the reactions between different sets of people who were attracted to one another and jotted down their findings. As it turns out, there was increased heart rate and attentiveness, smiling, laughing, and issues concentrating. [14]
    • Research ultimately determined that nervousness (paired with positive reactions) is a huge clue that one person is attracted to another.
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Section 3 of 3:

Why are guys shy around girls they like?

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  1. A guy might act shy around a crush due to fear of rejection or anxiety. There are a few reasons why a guy might become more reserved around a girl he likes, including fear of rejection, social anxiety, self-consciousness, and past trauma surrounding romantic pursuits. It’s possible that he doesn’t want to give away too much when he’s around you, out of fear that you won’t like what you discover, crushing his crush. [15]
    • Due to insecurities, he might feel like he’s not good enough for you, and trying to woo you would only mean disappointment for him in the end.
    • Additionally, he might lack social skills and struggle to be himself around you.
    • Fear of commitment could also come into play, as he might have a crush on you but still may be reluctant to pursue a real romantic relationship.
    • If he’s an inexperienced dater, he may also feel intimidated by your past experiences and feel like he can’t live up to what you’re used to.

Join the Discussion...

I have a crush on a boy and he likes me too but he's not making a move...
WikiButterflySlinger452
WikiButterflySlinger452
I have a crush on this boy and he likes me too but he's not making a move. I found this out last year when my friend who is a boy asked him if he liked me and he said yes! But since then he hasn't made a move. I'm scared because there's a pick-me girl in my class and I think shes getting to him I don't know what to do....
wikiHow Editorial Team
The guy you're into may not be making the first move because he’s scared that you’re going to say no, or he may simply be unsure about how you ask someone out in the first place if he has never had a serious relationship. So, we recommend just going for it and asking him if we wants to go on a date. He'll probably be really impressed that you had to guts to ask him out, and if he likes you, there's no reason why he wouldn't say yes.

If you don’t want to ask this boy out (which is totally okay!), consider asking him if he wants to hang out together in a non-romantic way. A lot of relationships start off as strong friendships, and the more time you have to get to know one another better, the more likely it will be that something romantic does happen. Just take it slow and enjoy hanging out!
April Davis
Matchmaker
It depends on how well you know them, but I think it's always good to just start off friendly and casual and start just chatting with them. You can make some comment about whatever situation that you're in. If you're both, say, at gym or something, you can make a comment about whatever the setting is that you're in or you can make a comment about the weather. It could be something to strike up a conversation or maybe you're making an observation about something around you or about them. The best thing is to make a joke, but if it's somebody that you actually do know, oftentimes, it's best to just be confident and be direct, and say “Hey, I'd like to get to know you better. Let's get together. Give me your number and let's plan a time to get together". Doing this shows that you're confident and just being direct and going for it.
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      References

      1. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.
      2. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.
      3. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.
      4. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.
      5. ↑ https://www.lovedignity.com/12-reasons-why-men-fall-for-damsels-in-distress/
      6. ↑ https://www.ny.gov/teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention/what-does-healthy-relationship-look
      7. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
      8. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/someone-likes-you/
      9. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.
      1. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.
      2. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/someone-likes-you/
      3. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.
      4. ↑ https://www.breakthecycle.org/how-to-tell-if-a-guy-likes-you/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202109/signs-that-someone-is-nervous-around-you-because-they-like-you
      6. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/love/shy-guy-in-love/

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      Reader Success Stories

      • E. K.

        Dec 6, 2024

        "I was able to get to know my crush better (he's shy), and he said yes when I asked him out."
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