100+ Funny Toasts for Drinking with Others

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Give a memorable—and hilarious—toast with one of these ideas
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Want to become the ultimate toastmaster with an arsenal of funny toasts for every occasion? Then this article is for you! We’ve put together a comprehensive list of toasts for drinking with friends, weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, and more to help you give the crowd a chuckle at every occasion.

Great Funny Drinking Toasts

  • Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Bottoms up!
  • Another day, another bender, no retreat, and no surrender!
  • May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty.
  • Here’s to dancing—a vertical expression of horizontal intention.
  • May today be the least happy day of your marriage.
Section 1 of 11:

Short Funny Toasts

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  1. There’s nothing more annoying than a long toast when all you want to do is celebrate. Keep things short and sweet to end your toasts on a high note. Here are a few short, funny toasts to give you inspiration:
    • Here’s to never wasting time because we’re wasted all the time.
    • Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Bottoms up!
    • Here’s to taking everything in moderation… including moderation.
    • Here’s to hell… that our stay there be as fun as our way there.
    • May we all have the chance to prove that money can’t make us happy!
    • Champagne to our real friends, real pain to our sham friends.
    • May our children have rich fathers and beautiful mothers!
    • A toast to bread! Because without bread, there’d be no toast!
    • As you slide down the banister of life, may you miss all the splinters.
    • Everyone should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink!
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Section 2 of 11:

Funny Rhyming Toasts

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  1. Add a bit of fun to your toast by making it rhyme. Rhymes are a time-tested way of remembering information… including toasts! [1] If you’re not someone who’s used to speaking off-the-cuff , a funny rhyming toast like the ones below can help you remember all the words and get a laugh:
    • Over the teeth and over the gums. Look out, stomach, here it comes.
    • Drink to the girls and drink to their mothers. Drink to the fathers and to their brothers. Toast their dear healths as long as you’re able, and dream of their charms while under the table.
    • Another day, another bender, no retreat, and no surrender!
    • Here’s to the temperance supper with water in glasses tall. And coffee and tea to end with—and me not there at all.
    • Drink to a fair woman, who, I think, is the most entitled to it. For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it.
    • A glass in the hand’s worth two on the shelf, so drink it down and refresh yourself!
    • To friends: as long as we are able to lift our glasses from the table.
    • Here’s to our guest—Don’t let him rest. But keep his elbow bending. ‘Tis time to drink—Full time to think tomorrow—when you’re mending.
    • Here’s to the bottle which holds a store of imprisoned joy and laughter! Here’s to this bottle, and many more bottles, and still others to follow after.
    • Here’s to those who wish us well. All the rest can go to hell.
Section 3 of 11:

Funny Dirty Drinking Toasts

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  1. Get a little spicy to make the person you’re toasting blush. Sometimes, you need to use adults-only blue humor— or humor that’s lewd or sexually suggestive—in your toasts to make people laugh . Just be careful not to offend anyone! If you’re positive you want to get a little risqué, try one of these off-color toasts:
    • May all your ups and downs be under the covers!
    • Here’s to dancing—a vertical expression of horizontal intention.
    • Here’s to panties, not the best thing in the world, but damn close to it.
    • Here’s to the women/men who love us terribly. May they soon improve.
    • Here’s to women and horses…and the men who ride them!
    • Here’s to birthdays. Birthdays only come once a year. Aren’t we glad we’re not birthdays?
    • May you never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
    • To a good selection, no rejection, a clean injection, and no infection!”
    • To your genitalia: May they never fail ya or jail ya.
    • Here’s to staying positive and testing negative!
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Section 4 of 11:

Funny Irish Toasts

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  1. Turn to the Emerald Isle for the funniest toasts. No one toasts like the Irish! They have a long history of offering blessings for health, happiness, and good fortune. [2] That tradition extends to the blessings offered in the pub or at a celebration. Try one of these funny Irish toasts to lighten the mood at your next gathering:
    • My friends are the best friends… loyal, willing, and able. Now let’s get to drinking! All glasses off the table!
    • May we all be alive at this same time next year.
    • May we always get what we want and need, but never what we deserve.
    • May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty.
    • Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold pint- and another one!
    • May the winds of fortune find you. May you sail a gentle sea. May it always be the other guy who says, “This drink’s on me.”
    • May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. And may all your friends remember all the favours you are owed!
    • When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we sleep, we do not sin. When we do not sin, we go to heaven. So let’s get drunk and go to heaven!
    • May we all be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows we’re dead!
    • If you cheat, may you cheat death. If you steal, may you steal someone’s heart. If you fight, may you fight for a brother. And if you drink, may you drink with me.
    • Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl (or handsome lad) and an honest one. A cold beer—and another one!
Section 5 of 11:

Funny & Clever Wedding Toasts

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  1. Add humor to your wedding toasts to delight the guests. “Just adhere to any guidelines the couple would like you to respect, and don't tell any stories or share any personal details that the couple explicitly requests you leave out. If the happy couple is open to a funny and clever toast, here are a few options to get you started:
    • Here’s a toast to the happy couple! Thanks for picking up tonight's dinner tab!
    • To the happy couple. May you share everything in life, especially the housework.
    • Here’s to the 2 most important secrets of a long-lasting marriage… a good sense of humor and a short memory.
    • Before I finish, I’d like you to turn to face each other. You’re now looking into the eyes of the person who is statistically most likely to murder you. To the happy couple!
    • May today be the least happy day of your marriage.
    • Raise a glass to the happy couple. May your marriage be as strong as the drinks in your hand. Cheers!
    • Here’s to marriage… the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
    • May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.
    • Here’s to love, laughter, and happily ever after… and these 2 magnificent people who paid for an open bar!
    • Now that you’re married, may you always remember to fight with the 2 most important words in the English language: “Yes, dear.”
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Section 6 of 11:

Funny Anniversary Toasts

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  1. Celebrate an important anniversary with a hilarious toast. No matter how long the happy couple has been together, an anniversary is meant to celebrate their decision to spend their life together. [3] But that doesn’t mean it has to be completely serious! Lighten the mood by wishing them a happy anniversary with one of these funny toasts:
    • To my husband/wife… There’s no one else in the world I’d rather have snoring next to me.
    • To the couple who reminds me of a box of chocolates… sweet, salty, and nutty.
    • On your anniversary, my wish for you is that you always know exactly what the other person means when they say, “Pass the thingamajig.”
    • Let’s raise our glasses to marriage and the sacred bond between two people. And let me be clear… I said ‘sacred’, not ‘scared.’
    • Here’s to another year of debating whose turn it is to do the dishes!
    • On your anniversary, may your subscription to love never expire.
    • Cheers to another year of tolerating each other’s bizarre quirks!
    • May you always remember the one true thing about a long marriage… Love is like a toothache. It doesn't show up on an X-Ray, but you know it's definitely there.
    • May you never stop laughing, even when the jokes are lame.
    • Unlike toilet paper, may your love never run out.
Section 7 of 11:

Funny Birthday Toasts

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  1. It’s important for a person to feel celebrated and appreciated on their birthday. [4] And if they love to laugh, a funny toast—like the ones below—is a great way to wish them a happy birthday :
    • For the rest of your birthdays, may you work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like nobody’s watching.
    • To your very good health. May you live to be as old as your jokes.
    • Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy… but enough about me. Here’s to the birthday boy/girl!
    • May your idea of a hot time never be sleeping with a heating pad.
    • Here’s some wisdom for your birthday: Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser… and vodka makes you forget all of it.
    • May your birthday be filled with as much joy as a late-night gossip session.
    • Here's to getting older, getting wrinkles, getting age spots, getting jowls, getting anything but the acne we had as teenagers!
    • May you celebrate this birthday the way you celebrated the first one… naked and screaming.
    • Cheers to you! May your birthday be as unforgettable as my Netflix password.
    • On your birthday… may your coffin be made of 100-year-old oak that I plant tomorrow.
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Section 8 of 11:

Funny Graduation Toasts

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  1. Share a drink and a laugh to honor the new graduate. Laughter is good for your health and adds joy to your life. [5] That makes a good belly laugh the perfect graduation gift. So, celebrate the graduate’s achievement with one of these funny toasts:
    • On your graduation day, may the wind at your back always be your own.
    • May you always have a clean shirt, a clear conscience, and enough coins in your pocket to buy a pint!
    • Here’s to Dame Fortune. May she always smile upon you. And may you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune.
    • Cheers to the graduate… who is literally too cool for school!
    • Here’s to you. You may not be as wise as an owl, but you’re always a hoot.
    • May you always be happy… and may your enemies know it.
    • May you never be forced to move back in with your parents!
    • Now that you’ve graduated, here’s to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking.
    • To the graduate… may your tassel be worth the hassle!
    • Here’s to never letting your schooling get in the way of your education!
Section 9 of 11:

Funny Party Toasts

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  1. Kick your party up a notch with a funny toast. Laughter isn’t just good for you! It strengthens relationships and promotes group bonding. [6] What better way to help make your next party a roaring success? Here are a few examples of funny toasts to try at your next soirée:
    • Here’s to those who have seen us at our best and seen us at our worst… and can’t tell the difference!
    • Here’s to a cold night, warm friends, and a good drink to give ‘em.
    • Cheers to the friendships that are bad for my liver!
    • Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. The best ships are friendships, and to those ships, we drink.
    • Here’s to the nights we’ll never remember with friends we’ll never forget!
    • May the roof above us never fall in, and may we, as friends, never fall out!
    • Here’s to the floor. It’ll hold you when no one else will.
    • Cheers to all my friends. Shine on your crazy, alcoholic weirdos!
    • I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. Cheers!
    • To the holidays—all 365 of them.
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Section 10 of 11:

Funny Beer Cheers

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  1. Raise a pint and give a funny cheer to let the good times roll. Toasting with beer is a little more casual than with wine or champagne, so don’t worry about any rules. Simply raise your glass, bottle, or can, and shout out your good wishes. Here are a few funny beer cheers to get you started:
    • Here’s to the ones who love us, the losers who lost us, and the lucky b ***** who get to meet us.*
    • Here’s to the fall of the Roman Empire. May ours be just as memorable.
    • Let’s raise a beer to all the days that end in Y.
    • Beer may be mankind's worst enemy… but the bible says love your enemy.
    • We drank to your health in company. We drank to your health alone. We drank to your health so many times we nearly ruined our own!
    • If the ocean were beer and I were a duck, I’d swim to the bottom and never come up. But the ocean’s not beer, and I’m not a duck. So pass me a bottle and shut the hell up!
    • Here’s to beer, which often makes one see double and feel single.
    • Life’s a waste of time and time’s a waste of life. Let’s get wasted all the time and have the time of our lives.
    • May we get so drunk we think our greatest problems are our greatest assets.
    • Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. When life’s a b ** , beer is a must.
Section 11 of 11:

Giving Good Toasts

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  1. Unless you’re at a small, intimate dinner party, you’ll probably have to cut through some chatter to get everyone’s attention. The best way to do this is to stand up and hold your glass at about shoulder height. [7]
    • If standing up and raising your glass doesn’t get anyone’s attention, try saying something like, “I’d like to make a toast,” in a loud, clear voice.
    • Don’t clang anything against your glass. Even though they do it all the time on TV, it’s considered rude in real life. Plus, you might break your glass.
  2. 2
    Introduce yourself and how you know the person you’re toasting. Introducing yourself and briefly explaining how you know the person you’re toasting gives the rest of the crowd context. Try telling a short story about meeting or spending time with the person you’re toasting. [8] Just make sure to keep it snappy so you don’t annoy the rest of the people there.
    • For example: “My name is Kim Sorensen. Jessica has been my best friend since we met on the first day of kindergarten, when I tripped and fell face-first into a mud puddle. She helped me up and said, ‘Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you fell.’ We both looked down at the mud coating my clothes and started to laugh.”
  3. Thanking people for coming together in friendship or to celebrate something isn’t absolutely necessary, but it’s a nice touch. Then, go ahead and share your favorite funny toast. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. Or, if you prefer something simpler, a good toast might be:
    • “May you have a bright and happy future!”
    • “Cheers to the birthday girl!”
    • “To many more years together!”
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      References

      1. ↑ https://ideas.time.com/2013/09/17/need-to-remember-something-make-it-rhyme/
      2. ↑ https://www.irishcentral.com/culture/history-irish-blessings
      3. ↑ https://www.brides.com/celebrate-dating-anniversary-after-marriage-8402644
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/life-is-trip/201806/why-your-birthday-matters
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/wellbeing/laughter-is-the-best-medicine
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/wellbeing/laughter-is-the-best-medicine
      7. ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/skills/how-to/how-to-give-a-toast/
      8. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2021/12/22/1066949551/how-to-give-a-toast-from-maid-of-honor-speech-to-new-years-toast

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