Your friend acts negatively towards you. If someone is constantly putting you down, making fun of you, or picking fights over trivial things, he or she is not being a good friend. Don’t hesitate to confront them and ask them firmly to stop. Keep in mind that your friend may simply not be aware that they are hurting your feelings—if this is the case, it’s still important for you to let them know that their words have consequences. If the person apologizes and then changes the way they talk to you afterwards, chances are good that they still want to be friends and that their previous bad behavior was simply a misunderstanding. If the person provides a non-apology, ridicules you for being upset, or continues to insult you, this is not ok. Consider distancing yourself from your friend at least for a short time. Type of insult Definition Examples Belittlement Your friend constantly minimizes or puts down your feelings or achievements, and makes you feel as though your opinion doesn’t matter. “I can’t believe you didn’t like the movie! You probably just didn’t understand it.” “Stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Millions of people have it worse than you.” Guilt-trip Your friend tries to blame his or her own distress or failures on you, or tries to get you to do things by threatening your continued friendship. “Fine, leave early. It’s not like I went out of my way to pick you up and drive you here.” “If you were really my friend, you’d let me borrow your car.” Backhanded compliment Your friends often gives you “compliments” that are in fact well-disguised insults. “That filter actually makes you look pretty!” “Congratulations! I didn’t think you would get an A.” “I love how you don’t care at all about what everyone says behind your back.” He or she makes no effort to stay in touch It can sometimes be a bad sign if you are the one who constantly has to reach out, either in person or through text. Consider that your friend may be very busy, forgetful, or stressed about something happening in his or her life. Ask your friend if there is anything they want to talk to you about (such as work, school, or romance). Your friend ignores you in order to spend time with other people Say you reach out to your friend about hanging out at your house after school. “Sorry,” she tells you. “I have way too much homework to do. Maybe another time!” Later that afternoon, you are scrolling through Instagram and see that your friend has just posted several pictures of herself at the mall along with a large group of classmates. This would be a sign of rejection. Try not to feel too bad. People are constantly changing, gaining new interests and losing old ones. With these new interests often come different friends. You are not unworthy of companionship just because you and your friend have drifted apart. Learn to tell the difference between rejection and depression. If your friend suddenly begins to withdraw from everyone, this could signal a more serious problem, such as depression. If you think this may be the case, gather a group together and encourage your friend to seek help. Signs of Rejection Signs of Depression Your friend neglects you in order to spend time with other people Your friend becomes withdrawn from his or her entire friend group, yourself included Your friend no longer speaks to you about what is going on in his or her life Your friend lacks interest in his or her usual hobbies or activities Your friend shows little or no interest about what is going on in your life Your friend makes statements implying that they don’t care about anything Your friend constantly puts you down with insults or snide remarks Your friend seems irritable and snappish towards everyone