Help them name their feelings Naming a feeling can help the person better understand it and take ownership of it (so it doesn’t overwhelm them). Try asking what they’re feeling or guessing what they’re feeling to get them to elaborate on it more. Examples: “I imagine you’re feeling pretty helpless?” “You seem really hurt. Is that right? What else are you feeling?” Relate to them Share a story when you were in a similar situation as them to show that you understand what they’re going through and why they’re feeling that way. Examples: “It’s hard to feel helpless. Last year when my father had his accident, I remember feeling like nothing I could do or say was ever going to help him. It was the roughest two months of my life, feeling so out of control. I get why you feel so vulnerable and powerless right now. It stinks to feel paralyzed like that.” “Feeling abandoned is difficult and confusing. I remember when my best friend just disappeared and full-on avoided me from that point on. He started spreading rumors to the point that all my friends believed them and cut me out too. It was so hurtful and it sucks to feel rejected and isolated. I’m here for you.” Normalize their reaction If you can’t relate to the situation their going through by sharing your own story, let them know that you think their reaction is normal and reasonable given the circumstances. Examples: “I think most people in your situation would feel that way too.” “It’s okay to feel frustrated about that. Nobody likes dealing with delays and cancelled flights.” Acknowledge their history Let the person know that their feelings are reasonable based on their personal history. Examples: “Given how she attacked you at the reunion last year, it makes perfect sense that you’re feeling anxious about seeing her again.” “Considering your history with having your boundaries violated, I can totally understand why you’re feeling frustrated and angry about this.”