How to Apologize to Your Best Friend

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Apologizing is hard—no one likes to admit that they were wrong; apologizing to people you deeply care about, like your BFF, is even harder. Accepting responsibility for your hurtful actions takes courage. Face your fears and express sincere remorse for your poor behavior.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Preparing to Apologize

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    Before you can make an effective and sincere apology, you must forgive your BFF for his/her role in the fight. Once you set aside your hurt feelings, you can stop justifying your own negative actions. [1]
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    Fighting with your best friend is stressful—you are likely experiencing a range of emotions, from anger to remorse. Writing your thoughts down on paper can help you process your emotions. Once you have completed your list, read through your notes. Highlight the positive comments that you should share with your friends and strikethrough invidious statements. [3]
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    Finding the rights words to apologize with is extremely challenging. Instead of winging it, use your notes to craft your apology—you can write out a complete statement or jot down a few bullet points. Practice reciting your apology a few times to you feel confident and comfortable with the material. [4]
    • Revise any parts that sound spiteful or awkward. Once you've made the revision, read through your apology again.
    • You may have to write, read, edit, and re-read the apology several times before you get it right.
    • If there's someone else who is aware of the situation, consider asking them for advice, but also take it with a grain of salt. Not all advice will be good.
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    When possible, it is always best to apologize to someone in person. When you are face to face, you and your BFF have the benefit of seeing each other’s facial expressions and body language, which will decrease the risk of misinterpretation. Contact your BFF, express that you want to apologize, and set up a time for the two of you to meet in private. [5]
    • Don’t wait too long to contact your friend. [6]
    • If they aren’t willing to meet, ask again in a few days. Send an email or hand-written letter if they continue to reject your invitation. [7]
    • If they can't meet in person, but still want to talk face-to-face, consider a video chat.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Apologizing to Your BFF

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    Sincere apologies are rooted in empathy. When you apologize to your best friend, there should be truth behind every claim you make. [8] If your expression of regret is hollow, your friend may not accept it. Tell your BFF that you are deeply sorry for hurting and or inconveniencing them.
    • ”I am so sorry I hurt you.”
    • I feel horrible that I took advantage of your kindness.”
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    Communicate to your BFF that you accept full responsibility for your actions. Do not place the blame on anyone else, especially your BFF. [9] Do not make any excuses for your behavior.
    • ”I recognize that I treated you poorly.”
    • ”I realize that I instigated our argument.”
    • ”I know that this is my fault.”
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    State that you intend to make up for your actions. Your statement of restitution will depend entirely on the nature of your behavior. You may promise your BFF that you will never repeat the behavior or that you will work towards reforming yourself.
    • ”I will never _____ again.”
    • ”I will start going to therapy.”
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    After delivering your sincere apology, humbly ask your BFF for forgiveness. Let your best friend know that you value your relationship with him/her. Express that you will do your best not to hurt your friend in the future.
    • You may find it helpful to reiterate the key points of your apology. [10]
    • ”Please forgive me.”
    • ”I hope you can forgive what I’ve done.”
    • ”Can we move forward, please?”
    • ”Is there any chance we can get beyond this?”
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Moving Forward

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    Following your apology, give your BFF the opportunity to respond. Let them express their anger and frustrations, and their pain and discomforts. [11] Do not interrupt them with defensive comments; do not force them to share the blame with you. [12]
    • Maintain eye contact with your BFF.
    • Lean forward to signal that you are engaged in the conversation.
    • Mirror their body language to show that you sympathize with them. [13]
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    After saying your peace and actively listening to your best friend’s response, stop dwelling on the conflict. In order for your BFF to forgive you, you must recognize that you have done all you can to remedy the situation. If you have truly accepted responsibility for your actions, you will not bring up the conflict again. [14]
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    While you have apologized for your actions, your BFF may not be ready to put the conflict behind them. Remain patient with your BFF. Do not pressure them into forgiving you. [15]
    • If they ask for space, wait for them to contact you. Be patient; this can take a week, a month, or even longer.
    • If you press your friend to talk before they are ready, they may get stressed or frustrated and block you. This will make it harder to reconnect with them.
    • In general, the more severe the fight was, the longer the forgiveness will take. Breaking their toy probably won't take as long as making with their boyfriend or girlfriend.
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  • Question
    How do I take responsibility for hurting my friend's feelings?
    Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
    Life Coach
    Michelle Shahbazyan is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service based in Los Angeles, California. She has over 10 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.
    Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    When apologizing, be able to tolerate the other person's wave of hurt coming your way. Let them get their feelings out and continue to stay apologetic.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    My best friend misunderstood me when I gave her a letter. How can I straighten things out between us?
    Community Answer
    Approach her and tell her about the misunderstanding, and explain to her what you actually meant. If she's still upset, give her time to process the information and perhaps get over her hurt feelings, then try to approach her again.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    Does giving my best friend time mean that I should stop talking to him?
    Community Answer
    You don't have to completely cut off contact. If you see him, smile and say hello and see how he responds. Just don't put pressure on them to accept your apology if they're not quite ready. Be patient and let your friend set the tone of your interactions.
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      • Try seeing things from their perspective. But most importantly, be honest. If you’re truly sorry, then say so, and SHOW you are sorry. If you aren’t, just say something like “I respect your point of view, but I also have mine.” Or something similar. Also, try not to make your apology sound too robotic. You want it to sound natural and authentic.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.writeexpress.com/How-to-apologize-to-a-friend.html
      2. ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
      3. ↑ https://www.writeexpress.com/How-to-apologize-to-a-friend.html
      4. ↑ https://www.writeexpress.com/How-to-apologize-to-a-friend.html
      5. ↑ https://www.writeexpress.com/How-to-apologize-to-a-friend.html
      6. ↑ https://chatelaine.com/health/sex-and-relationships/how-to-apologize-the-right-way/
      7. ↑ https://www.writeexpress.com/How-to-apologize-to-a-friend.html
      8. ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
      9. ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
      1. ↑ https://www.writeexpress.com/How-to-apologize-to-a-friend.html
      2. ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
      3. ↑ https://www.writeexpress.com/How-to-apologize-to-a-friend.html
      4. ↑ https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/active-listening.html
      5. ↑ https://www.writeexpress.com/How-to-apologize-to-a-friend.html
      6. ↑ https://www.thehopeline.com/when-your-best-friend-is-mad-at-you/

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Apologizing to your best friend can be tough, but taking responsibility for your actions and saying sorry is an important first step to patching things up between you. Tell your friend you’re sorry for hurting them without making any excuses, so they can see that you’re sincere. For example, you might say: “I’m really sorry for hurting you Sasha, I feel bad for not inviting you.” Let your friend know you’re taking full responsibility for what you did by saying something like, “I was wrong to assume you didn’t want to come to the party. I should have asked you first.” To help make things right again, offer to do something differently in future, such as by promising: “Next time I’ll make sure to talk to you before I go to a party.” You might even offer to fix something about your own behavior, like not making assumptions or learning to be more punctual. Keep reading for more advice from our co-author, including how to ask your friend for forgiveness.

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