Donna Novak, Psy.D

Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence.

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How do I deal with social anxiety?
There are different strategies you can try to be comfortable around strangers when you have anxiety. I like to help my clients to come up with a plan of how they're going to approach someone right before meeting someone new. So before you talk to this new person, you may plan in your head what you're going to say to join or initiate a conversation. Having some ideas of the actual words you'll use to get a conversation going is really helpful for social anxiety.

Practicing deep breathing is really huge. I think people often discount breathing because they think, "well, we breathe all the time." But really understanding what that actually means and slowing down your breathing is important. When you have a lot of anxiety, your thoughts go really quickly and you breathe really rapidly. It's really hard to actually slow down the sense of overwhelm that's happening in your mind. Breath exercises can take that intensity from a seven or eight down to a four or five.

Another helpful tool is to remind yourself of previous successes. We often focus on the few times that weren't successful, so it can be effective to remind yourself of past instances when you were able to successfully connect with somebody that you didn't know. Also, remind yourself that the people you're anxious to be around are just people! Sometimes we get so in our head thinking about how others have things we don't, and we end up bullying ourselves and spiraling into mental states that we don't want to be in. Recognizing that these people are just humans is another helpful approach to managing anxiety.

If you're struggling to keep a conversation going, ask a question! People tend to get really engaged when you ask them questions. Obviously, the type of question you ask is going to depend on the scenario that you're in. A simple "How's your day going?" can really get someone talking, or you could discuss current event or some recent news. Joining a conversation tends to actually be easier because you can hear what the topic is. So trying to join in a conversation that's already happening (and doesn't feel too private) can be an easy way to have a conversation.

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