All rape victims, regardless of gender, may experience trauma. Male victims of rape are often additionally hurt and embarrassed due to the ignorance of others who fail to take them seriously. Because of the stigma attached to male rape, you may struggle to reach out for help; however, it's important that you do get the help you need to recover. [1] X Research source How old you are when the rape occurs can also skew how you view the attack, causing you to blame yourself or not realize what has happened to you until much later. You can deal with being a male victim of rape by coping with it, getting support from others, and taking care of yourself so that you can move on to become a rape survivor.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Coping After a Recent Assault
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1Get medical attention. You may think you don’t need it, but seeking medical help is one of the first things you should do to deal with being a victim of rape if it happened recently. Medical professionals can treat you for any physical injuries you may have from the rape as well as test for possible STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections).
- If it just happened, avoid bathing or disposing of your clothes. This way, if you decide to report it, evidence of the rape may be collected.
- Go to your local emergency room or medical clinic. You can even call 911 or 1-800-656-HOPE for help locating medical attention.
- If you do plan to report the rape, your medical care provider may be able to contact the authorities for you and collect evidence for them during your medical exam.
Tip: Getting medical attention is important even if you don't think you want to report it. A doctor can check for an STI; these are easier to treat or cure if they're dealt with right away. You can ask for a screening even if you don't want to disclose what happened to you.
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2Tell someone you trust. It will be easier for you to deal with being a male victim of rape if you have someone to support you with what you are going through. They can help you deal with the rape now and support you in the future. [2] X Research source
- They can help protect you if the rapist is someone that you know.
- Tell a parent, sibling, friend, teacher, or coach that you trust about what has happened to you.
- You could try telling them by saying something like, “It is hard for me to say this, but I was raped.”
- Tell them exactly what happened, when and where it happened, and who did it (if you know).
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3Consider reporting what happened . Reporting the incident can be a difficult task. It may also help stop the rapist from hurting other people, and you may get closure. If the perpetrator is someone close to you, reporting it can also help keep them away from you.
- File a police report. You can call the police or you can go to your local police station.
- Have a support person with you during the call or to go to the police station with you if you aren’t comfortable on your own.
- If you are under 18 years old, you can tell an adult you trust and they will contact the police for you. The police will contact you later to talk about what happened to you.
- You are not obligated to report it, and even if you do report it, you don't have to take it to court. You have options, and only you can decide what's best for you.
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4Write an safety plan if you are at risk of a mental health crisis. If you are at risk for suicidal ideation or self-harming behavior, make a plan to keep yourself safe in the moment. This could involve calling someone, taking a break, or promising not to act until you've had some sleep.Advertisement
Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Getting Support from Others
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1Tell your trusted loved ones. Some men feel hesitant or afraid of telling your loved ones what happened. You may be worried or embarrassed, but your family and friends can be your greatest supporters. [3] X Research source They're likely to know that something is off when they see you upset. Telling them what happened gives them the opportunity to support you through this difficult time.
- You don’t have to tell everyone, and you don't have to do it all right away.
- Try to talk to them in a private place, where you feel comfortable and safe telling them about what happened to you.
- You could start the conversation by saying, "I need to tell you about something awful that happened to me. I'm really upset and confused right now, and I could use your support. I was raped."
Tip: Talking about sexual assault can be incredibly difficult. The first person you tell can be the one you think it will be easiest to talk to. They may be willing to sit with you and provide backup when you tell other people.
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2Seek professional help. Even if you don't choose to report the attack, you need to get help to overcome the trauma of rape. If you don't, it can cause long-term effects on your mental health. Rape can cause feelings of depression, anxiety, shame, fear, anger, feelings of vulnerability, loss of self-image, feelings of blame, self-distancing, and self-harming behaviors. [4] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source It can also cause Rape-Related Post traumatic Stress Disorder. You deserve help, so reach out to a professional.
- Therapists, counselors, and psychologists are trained to give you the support you need to deal with being a victim of a rape.
- Professionals can also teach you effective ways to cope with the emotional, mental, and physical effects of the rape.
- Contact your local rape crisis center. They offer a range of services for male rape victims and can refer you to a crisis counselor.
- Ask a family member or friend to go with the first time or two if you aren’t comfortable seeing a therapist on your own.
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3Join a support group, in person or online. Although the rape of men is often not talked about it, the number of male rape survivors is similar to the number of female survivors. [5] X Research source Joining a support group or online forum can connect you with others that have been through the same thing. They can share advice and help you through the recovery process.
- Check with your school counselor, local rape crisis center, or religious organization for information about support groups near you.
- You can call 1-800-656-HOPE or visit the RAINN website to find a support group in your area.
- If you aren’t comfortable going to an in-person support group, consider joining an online forum or group for male rape victims.
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4Spend more time with people who lift you up. Who helps you feel happy and good about yourself? Reach out to those people more, both on good days and on bad ones.
- It's okay to tell people you're having a bad day. There's nothing wrong with saying, "Today is a rough day for me and I really need to spend some time with someone important to me. Could we hang out?"
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Moving On as a Survivor
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1Realize that this is not your fault. Most rape survivors feel some guilt and shame from being raped, but you have to realize and remember that you did nothing wrong. There is nothing you could have done to make someone do this to you. Rape is the fault of the perpetrator and in order to deal with it and move on, you can’t blame yourself for what happened.
- Don't believe anyone who says it's your fault. It is a myth that males cannot be raped. Your experiences are real and they matter.
- Set boundaries with someone who doesn't believe you. You can say "It hurts that you don't believe me. If you keep blaming me for what happened, I'm going to walk away."
- Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “What happened is not my fault. I am not to blame for being raped.”
- Write in your journal about the rape as if it happened to someone else. This can help you see that you didn’t do anything wrong.
- If you were very young during the attack, remind yourself that the other person likely targeted you due to your age. You were innocent and had no way of stopping what happened.
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2Get rid of myths that lead to self-blame. Society holds lots of strange beliefs about men and sexual violence that can make it harder to process what happened to you.
- Women can hurt men. Strong women exist, and not all of them mean well. Some can manipulate or overpower men. If women can be powerful, then that doesn't mean a man hurt by a woman is weak.
- The freeze response is normal during an attack. Lots of people freeze or emotionally disconnect when they are scared. They may faint, feel sleepy, become limp or rigid. This is a powerful survival instinct. [6] X Research source [7] X Research source [8] X Research source [9] X Research source It is not consent.
- Not all men constantly want sex. It's normal for men to not be in the mood, not feel ready for it, or say no to it. A man saying "no" to sex is meaningful.
- A physical response to unwanted touch doesn't make it wanted. Some physical responses may happen to reduce the risk of injury. [10] X Research source Researchers have found that fear can increase arousal responses and that the body can become aroused while the mind is upset. [11] X Research source Arousal, including climax, is not uncommon in rape. That doesn't make it less real or violating.
- Many rape survivors incorrectly view themselves as weak. Feelings of shame and guilt, as well as asking "why didn't I just ____?" are common. [12] X Research source Male survivors may struggle with self-image related to masculinity and self-respect. [13] X Research source
- Sexual assault does not change your sexual orientation. The gender of your attacker doesn't change anything about who you are, even if your body automatically responded. [14] X Research source [15] X Research source Nor does it say anything about who you were before the attack. [16] X Research source
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3Use deep breathing to stabilize yourself when you get upset. There may be times that something triggers a memory and strong emotions about the rape. You may find yourself anxious or even having a panic attack. Coping strategies like deep breathing can help you deal with the feelings and physical reactions you may have. [17] X Research source
- Take a deep, slow breath in through your nose.
- Hold it for a count or two, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this a few times.
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4Meditate as a way to relieve stress. Using meditation techniques can calm you down in the moment if you are experiencing a panic attack or other negative effects of being raped. These strategies can also help you cope long-term with being a male victim of rape by keeping you calmer and more peaceful in general. [18] X Research source
- Try to find somewhere quiet, with few distractions. Sit or lie in a comfortable position.
- Clear everything from your mind and try to focus only on your breathing or how you are feeling in the moment.
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5Take care of your body. The trauma of an attack can affect you mentally and emotionally, as well as impact your eating and sleeping habits. Altogether you may feel tired, cranky, or unfocused. You can deal with being a rape survivor better if you take care of your body as you also heal your mind and emotions. [19] X Research source
- Go to sleep and wake-up at regular times each day. Establish a bedtime routine to relax you and a morning routine to energize you.
- Make healthy snack choices and have balanced meals. Avoid skipping meals or binge eating.
- Avoid alcohol and drug use. Substance abuse may seem to numb the pain in the moment, but it'll drag you down and make everyday life even harder.
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6Participate in physical activities. Being active is great for your physical health and well-being. It can also release tension and stress.
- Do a group activity like a team sport so that you can be around people doing something fun while you are being active.
- Doing a solo activity like biking, hiking, or swimming can allow you time to meditate.
- Even taking a leisurely walk can help.
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7Tell your story, if desired. One of the best ways to deal with your own rape and move past it is to share what happened to you with others. You don’t have to share what happened to every stranger you meet, but breaking the silence about being a male survivor of rape helps raise awareness about the crime and helps remove the stigma of being a victim. [20] X Research source
- Consider telling about what happened to you and how you dealt with it at events and activities for Sexual Assault Awareness Month in April.
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Tips
- Know that you are not alone. While statistics vary, men are raped far more often than most people realize, and over 40% of these were perpetrated by women. [21] X Research sourceThanks
- Never, ever blame yourself for rape.Thanks
- Don’t question your manhood. Being a rape survivor does not make you any less of a man.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/talking-about-trauma/201704/male-rape-victims-face-difficulty-finding-support
- ↑ http://www.ccasa.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/If-He-is-Raped.pdf
- ↑ http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/29/living/male-rape-sexual-assault-awareness-month-feat/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15772770
- ↑ http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/04/male_rape_in_america_a_new_study_reveals_that_men_are_sexually_assaulted.html
- ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2015/06/23/why-many-rape-victims-dont-fight-or-yell/
- ↑ https://portlandpsychotherapy.com/2020/07/the-effects-of-sexual-assault-on-the-brain-and-body/
- ↑ https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2020/03/9547973/freezing-up-response-rape
- ↑ https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2020/03/9547973/freezing-up-response-rape
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/reports/a9620593/sexual-assault-rape-lubrication-reaction-research/
- ↑ https://www.popsci.com/science/article/2013-05/science-arousal-during-rape/
- ↑ https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/learn/sexual-assault-rape/effects-sexual-assault-and-rape
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-005-1001-0
- ↑ https://students.wustl.edu/male-survivors-relationship-sexual-violence/
- ↑ https://www.pflagatl.org/the-problem-with-the-belief-that-child-sexual-abuse-causes-homosexuality-bisexuality/
- ↑ http://www.casahouse.com.au/index.php?page_id=175
- ↑ http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/rape/rape-recovery-how-do-i-get-over-being-raped/
- ↑ http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/rape/rape-recovery-how-do-i-get-over-being-raped/
- ↑ http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/rape/rape-recovery-how-do-i-get-over-being-raped/
- ↑ http://www.gq.com/long-form/male-military-rape
- ↑ https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/04/male-rape-in-america-a-new-study-reveals-that-men-are-sexually-assaulted-almost-as-often-as-women.html (contains graphic descriptions)
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