How to Deal With Living in Foster Care

Foster kids have a unique set of challenges to face. Emotional trauma, moving from place to place, feeling uncertain about the future – foster kids have to deal with all these issues, along with the normal worries of growing up. Even if you’ve got a great foster family, living in foster care can be tough, but there are ways you can make the best of it. First of all, make sure you understand the situation you’re in. After that, work on taking care of your emotional health, and start making plans for your future.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Staying Informed about Your Situation

  1. You have the right to live in a safe place, to understand any legal decisions made on your behalf, and to have a say in what happens to you. You also have the right to have clothing, healthy food, and privacy; to practice your religion; and to get medical care if you need it. [1]
    • If you think your rights are being violated, tell your case worker or your lawyer what’s going on.
    • Since your rights will vary from state-to-state, consult a legal representative about the specifics in your case.
  2. As a foster child, you are responsible for cooperating with your case worker and obeying any court orders. You’re also responsible for following your foster parents’ rules, doing your best to get along with your foster family, and behaving well at school.
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  3. Communicate with your foster family to make sure you understand each other. If you don’t know what the rules are, ask. Let your foster family know that you want to get along with them, but it may take you some time to get used to living with them. [2]
    • If you need something, let your foster parents know. It’s their job to take care of you.
    • Your foster family likely wants the best for you, but they cannot know what you need or want unless you speak up. Try to be as open and honest with them as possible.
  4. You will probably meet with your case worker (or social worker) on a regular basis. Talk to them about how you’re doing and what you want to happen next. Your case worker can help advocate for you in the legal system, so make sure they understand what you want.
    • For instance, if you want to visit with your biological family sometimes, or if you don’t want to return to your biological family, make sure your case worker knows that.
    • You should also know how to contact your lawyer. If you don’t know who your lawyer is, your case worker can help you find out.
    • It's a good idea to keep a list of the names and contact information of the people you're in contact with often, such as your case worker and legal representatives.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Coping Emotionally

  1. 1
    Recognize that you aren't at fault. Children in foster care often struggle with blaming themselves and feeling guilty about being removed from their birth parents. While these feelings are normal, they are misplaced because you are not to blame for this situation. Talk to a counselor if you find yourself feeling any unpleasant emotions related to your situation. [3]
  2. Living in foster care can bring up a lot of complicated emotions. Talking to an adult is one good way to feel better. Make an appointment with your school counselor if you’re having a hard time coping or you just want to confide in someone. [4]
    • Your school counselor will keep anything you tell them confidential, unless they think you are in danger of hurting yourself or anyone else.
  3. Build a support system of people you can turn to when you feel overwhelmed. If you have a good relationship with your foster parents, start by talking to them. You could also talk to a teacher, a coach, someone at your place of worship, or an adult relative.
    • You can also look for a mentor through a mentoring program. A good place to start is http://www.mentoring.org/ .
    • If you don't trust your foster parents, realize that they are likely doing the best they can. Becoming a good foster parent takes time. Be open with them about your past and how you feel about it so that they can better understand where you're coming from. [5]
  4. Get your feelings out by writing stories or poetry, drawing, painting, or making music. Turning your emotions into art will help you deal with what’s going on in your life. [6]
    • Consider signing up for something like an art class or a writing group. If you’d rather not show other people your art, you can just work on it in the privacy of your room.
  5. Good friends will support you, listen to you, and make you feel like you belong. Don’t hesitate to turn to your friends when you need some company or a listening ear. If you’ve moved to a new place and don’t have many friends yet, reach out to some people who seem friendly at school. [7]
    • For instance, you might say something like "Staying in foster care is really stressful. I could use someone to talk to. Are you free?"
    • It may also help to make new friends by participating in clubs or activities at your school.
    • You can also try online resources, and you may even be able to connect with other people in the same situation as you.
  6. Do your best to get along with people and earn good grades. Focus on your strengths and good qualities. During your free time, do things that make you feel good about yourself, such as developing a skill or working on a hobby. [8]
  7. Make your physical and mental health a priority. Get some exercise every day, make good food choices, and get enough sleep. Set aside some time every day to do something that helps you relax, like writing in a journal, meditating, or reading a good book. [9]
    • If you don’t have good health habits right now, start with little changes, like drinking water instead of soda.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Planning for the Future

  1. If you’re in high school, sign up for an extracurricular activity or two every year. Try different things and see which ones interest you most. Participating in a variety of activities could pave the way for a career or help you get into college later. [10]
    • Volunteering is another good way to explore different interests and potential jobs. Consider putting in time at a local animal shelter, homeless shelter, or nursing home.
    • You might also talk to your teachers at school about school-sponsored volunteer opportunities.
    • How you plan for your future will depend on your unique situation, your interests, your age, and your priorities.
  2. You don’t have to figure out your future alone. If you feel overwhelmed about the future or unsure of how to prepare, your school counselor can help you explore your options for education or work. They can also help you make a concrete plan for how to get there.
    • Visit the counselor's office to set up an appointment to meet with this person. If you have an urgent need to talk to someone, they may be able to carve out time that same day.
  3. If you’re old enough to work, start applying for jobs. Working will boost your confidence and give you valuable skills you’ll need later in life. You’ll also be able to practice important money management skills, like saving money and sticking to a budget. [11]
    • Consider a part-time job where you can work hours that won't interfere with your studies. Good jobs might include working as a cashier at a local grocery store or a server at a restaurant.
  4. A college education will broaden your horizons and open up your career options. If you want to go to college, start preparing for it as early as possible. Your school counselor can help you with this. [12]
    • Start by making a list of schools you might like to attend, researching the application process, and deciding when to take the SAT or ACT.
  5. When you transition out of foster care, you’ll need to know how to take care of yourself. This includes skills like finding housing, managing money, cooking for yourself, and staying healthy. Ask your foster family to start teaching you how to manage these responsibilities, or look for programs in your area that teach life skills. [13]
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  • Question
    Wtf you don't know what it's like.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Articles are written on topics by others who have first hand knowledge on a subject.
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  • Question
    Why am I sent to foster care?
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    The reasons that children are sent to foster care are numerous. You should consult your case worker or guardian about this issue.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      Tips

      • Remember, you're not alone! Many children are in foster care and can understand your situation.
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      References

      1. ↑ http://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/family-social-supports/youth-and-family-services/teens-in-foster-care
      2. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/foster-families.html#
      3. ↑ https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_families_Pages/Foster_Care_64.aspx
      4. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/school-counselors.html
      5. ↑ http://adoption-foster-care.yoexpert.com/foster-care/what-are-some-of-the-challenges-of-caring-for-fost-3387.html
      6. ↑ https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/2015/04/24/how-creativity-can-help-reduce-stress/iEJta3lapaaFxZY6wfv5UK/story.html
      7. ↑ http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/friendships_teenagers.html/context/1101
      8. ↑ http://www.pamf.org/teen/life/depression/selfesteem.html
      9. ↑ http://www.loveisrespect.org/for-yourself/self-care/
      1. ↑ http://knowhow2go.acenet.edu/middle-and-high-school-students/explore-your-interests.html
      2. ↑ https://www.kidsmatterinc.org/get-help/for-youth/education-and-employment/employment/
      3. ↑ https://www.kidsmatterinc.org/get-help/for-youth/education-and-employment/preparing-for-college/
      4. ↑ https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/youth_transition.pdf

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