How to Deal with Depression in Teenage Girls

Being a teenager—and a teenage girl especially—can be really challenging. However, it is important to recognize the difference between the challenges of the teenage years and true depression. If you think your daughter or a teenage girl you know may be depressed, it is of the utmost importance that you check for certain signs, talk to her about what she is going through, and show her that she has your full love and support. Scroll down to Step 1 to learn more.

Part 1
Part 1 of 4:

Spotting Signs that Your Teen is Depressed

  1. Irritability is one of the most common signs of teen depression. This can be a general ‘cranky’ mood that can also come with mood swings that lead her into sadness. She might ‘snap’ at you more often than usual and may seem generally unhappy. She may also suddenly spiral into deep sadness, or cry often out of both annoyance and sadness. [1]
    • For instance, if your teen is normally happy and pleasant, but has suddenly become moody or unreasonably angry or sad about a lot of things, and it lasts for weeks, maybe even months, she could be depressed.
  2. Another sign of depression is a sudden lack of interest in activities and things that she used to have a passion for. While this could also mean that she is just outgrowing a certain activity, losing interest in many activities that she has shown a great love for in the past should be a red flag. [2]
    • For example, if your daughter has had a passion for soccer for many years, but suddenly has no energy or desire to go to practice, this could be a sign of depression.
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  3. If you have noticed a sudden and drastic change in your daughter’s eating habits, you should keep track of any further changes. Monitor how much (or how little) your daughter eats while at the dinner table. Ask yourself is she:
    • Eating more than usual?
    • Eating less than usual or having to be coaxed into eating?
    • Showing a disinterest (rather than a dislike) of the food in front of her?
  4. Depression can lead to feels of exhaustion but can also lead to restlessness. If your daughter is suddenly very restless or unable to sleep at night, but seemingly always tired, you may have reason to be concerned. Changes in sleep can include:
    • Extreme trouble waking up in the morning.
    • Exhaustion throughout the day.
    • Sleeping much more than usual, such as sleeping pretty much any time she does not absolutely have to be awake. Excessive sleeping is defined as anything over 9 hours a day.
  5. Physical agitation is when a person has a hard time staying still. If your teen is pacing a lot, shaking her arms or legs, or simply being unable to sit down, she is exhibiting signs of physical agitation. [3]
    • Some people with depression will show the exact opposite of physical agitation—they will move much more slowly than normal and will seem to be in no hurry to do anything or get anywhere.
  6. If your teen is depressed, she may begin to make negative comments about herself. At the same time, she might become overly sensitive to rejection, which can then lead to her saying more negative things about herself. [4] Examples would be:
    • “I’m not good enough”.
    • “I didn’t deserve such and such anyway”.
    • “I am fat/ugly/stupid”.
    • "I hate myself."
    • "I look terrible."
    • "Everyone hates me."
  7. Depression can often lead to not caring about school or grades. If your normally on-top-of-it student is suddenly getting bad grades, skipping school, or just showing an extreme disinterest in what she is studying, she may be depressed.
    • Contact your teen’s teacher(s) about your teen’s grade or school performance. Teachers can often be an invaluable source of behavioral information. Ask them about any concerning behavior that they may have seen your teen exhibiting in the classroom.
  8. Depression can lead to physical pain like headaches and stomach aches. Take your teen to a doctor to get checked out. If nothing seems to be physically wrong with her, you may want to consider depression as a cause of the problem.
  9. You should call the police or hospital (9-1-1) right away if your teen is acting in this way, as she could be considering dying by suicide. Other signs of suicidal behavior include [5] :
    • Writing about death, including writing a will.
    • Giving away possessions.
    • Talking about how you, your family, and the world would be better off without her.
    • Dangerous or self-harming behavior like increased drug or alcohol abuse, or reckless driving.
    • Threatening suicide. Between 50% to 75% [6] of people considering suicide will give a family member or friend some warning that they will take their life. While some people won’t go through with it, every suicide threat should be taken seriously.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 4:

Talking to Your Teen about her Depression

  1. When a person becomes depressed, she may begin to withdraw from family and friends. [7] Because of this, it is important to keep your communication with your teen open and straightforward. Talk to your teen about depression and follow the tips listed in the rest of this section.
    • Persevere—letting your teen know that you are there for her and want to talk to her about what she is going through is very important. If she shuts you out, try again.
  2. Let your teen know that you’re there for her, fully and unconditionally. Try not to ask a lot of questions but make it clear that you’re ready and willing to provide any support needed. Let her know that you want to talk to her about what she is going through and that you will do anything to help her. [8]
  3. Your teen may shut you out at first, which is relatively normal teen behavior—depressed or otherwise. Talking about feelings of depression can be tough for anyone, let alone a teen going through normal teen dramas on top of depression. Respect your teen’s comfort level while still letting her know that you are concerned and willing to listen.
    • Be patient with your teen. It might take her some time to sort out what she is feeling, or find the courage to talk to you about it. However, if you think she is getting worse, or showing suicidal behavior and is still not talking to you about it, seek immediate professional help.
  4. Listen to your teen and avoid lecturing her. Resist any urge to criticize or pass judgment once your teen begins to confide in you. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or ultimatums as she might see these as a threat and may close up again. [9]
    • It is important to remember that depression is not something your teen can control. Do not get frustrated by her feelings of depression, because she can’t help how she feels. Your role is to listen and support her through this really difficult time.
  5. Validate your teen’s feelings . Don’t try to talk to your teen out of her depression, even if her emotions don't make sense to you. Simply acknowledge the pain and sadness she is feeling. Let her know that it's okay to feel the way she feels, and you don't think she's being "crazy" or irrational. This lets her know that you care and take her feelings seriously, so she will be more likely to come to you in the future.
    • Examples of validating statements include "That must be really difficult", "Is there any way I could help?̈", and "I'm sorry to hear that."
  6. [10] If you have noticed symptoms and have talked to your teen and it seems that she really is depressed, you should seek professional help. Bring her to a psychologist or therapist who can do a proper diagnosis of what your teen is experiencing. If she is diagnosed with depression, make an appointment with a therapist so that your daughter can get the help that she needs.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 4:

Giving Your Teen Support During Therapy

  1. If you have recognized symptoms, talked about depression with your teen, and have taken her to see a therapist who has diagnosed her with depression, it is of the utmost importance that you show her that she has your full support. [11] This will be a difficult time for her—and for you. Work together to build each other up and support each other.
    • For example, drive your teen to her sessions with a therapist and pick her up afterwards. Ask her about her session and show her that she can talk about it if she wants. Make her feel loved and supported by being there for her.
  2. Communication is one of the most important factors in a healthy relationship. To ensure that your teen feels like she can talk to you about what she is going through, it is important to keep communication between you two, and the rest of the family, as open as possible. Ask your teen about what she is going through and what she thinks about her therapy. You should also discuss depression as a condition openly and rationally. [12]
    • Remember to be empathetic and sensitive, but open and honest, in your communications about her disorder. Be loving and kind, but also be realistic about the steps that need to be taken so that she can recover fully.
  3. Because your teen can get bogged down by depression, you can help her by keeping track of when she needs to be at different appointments. Drive her to and from them, and use that time to talk to her about how she is feeling, or simply show your support by singing along to her favorite songs with her.
    • While therapy should be considered as a treatment before medications should be taken, your teen may be prescribed medication if her depression is severe enough. If this is the case, you should help her to keep track of her medications and when they need to be refilled.
  4. Sometimes, talking to people that are going through the same things can really help to raise awareness about a condition. Ask your teen if she would like to go to a support group. At a support group she will:
    • Talk to others about their experiences and get to share her own with people who really understand.
    • Hear inspirational stories about people overcoming their own conditions.
    • See that she is not alone in her fight against depression.
  5. Family counseling will help you understand what your teen is going through and will help your family cope with the disorder. During counseling, you can talk about what you are all experiencing, how you can make your family dynamic as supportive as possible, and how changes can be made to promote a better familial relationship. [13]
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Part 4
Part 4 of 4:

Combatting a Recurrence of Depression

  1. One of the things that can increase feelings of depression is the thought that you can’t achieve anything you want to. If your teen is struggling with these feelings, help her to set realistic goals for herself.
    • For example, if your teen’s grade in algebra has dropped to a D, help her to create goal that she will be able to achieve, like raising her grade to an A or B by the end of the quarter (depending on how much time she has). Provide further help by offering to go over homework with her, or getting her a tutor that can help her to catch up with the rest of the class.
  2. Depression puts a negative spin on everything, including the way your teen sees herself. In order to change these thoughts, you need to first have your teen identify these thoughts. [14] Have her write down her various negative thoughts in a journal. Then, with your teen’s permission, go back over some of these thoughts together. [15]
    • Challenge these thoughts by encouraging your teen to not be so hard on herself.
    • Give her examples of times that she was amazing.
    • Have her list things that she is achieved, and help her write the list if she has trouble coming up with examples.
  3. Have your teen aim for 8 to 9 hours of sleep each night so that she can wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. Make sure that she gets a bit of sunlight every day, and keep her stress in check by teaching her some relaxation techniques.
    • Relaxation techniques include going to yoga, practicing meditation, or trying some deep breathing exercises.
  4. Studies have shown that pets can actually relieve depression. [16] If you are open to the idea of getting a family pet, you should consider getting one to help your teen with her depression. Caring for another living being, and getting unconditional love in return, can be incredibly beneficial for someone dealing with depression.
  5. [17] When you exercise, your body releases endorphins that create a feeling of happiness. In fact, studies have shown that exercise may be as effective as medication when it comes to fighting depression. [18] Encourage your teen to get at least 30 minutes of exercise, five days a week. This could mean:
    • Walking the dog every day.
    • Joining a sports team.
    • Going a bicycle ride together.
  6. Don’t let your teen skip meals and offer healthy vitamin-rich snacks. Avoid providing her with too much fatty foods and junk food, as they will make her feel lethargic. Instead, focus on fresh fruits and veggies, lean proteins, low-fat dairy, and complex carbs.
    • Minimize sugary, refined carbs (like cookies, candy, and fruit juice concentrates [19] ) and focus on complex carbohydrates (like whole-wheat bread, beans, lentils, and brown rice).
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Expert Q&A

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      Tips

      • Talk to a professional therapist about other ways that you can help your daughter, or go to family therapy to show her that you are there for her.
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      • Ask your teen if she would like to change up her room. Help her get rid of any clutter and paint the walls a nice bright or pastel color to make her feel like her room is a peaceful place for her to relax in. (Or if she wants, let her do all the decorating.) Try putting more of her favorite color in it, and put pictures on the wall of all the people who love her.
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      Warnings

      • If a teenage girl that you know is showing suicidal tendencies, you must call for professional help immediately.
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      • Save a life—don't call the police during a mental health emergency if you live in America. Police may traumatize or kill the person. [20] [21] Call a hospital, health care professional, or suicide hotline if need be.
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      References

      1. ↑ Anger and Depression in Girls and Boys: A Study of Gender Differences, Psychology of Women Quarterly March 200024: 110-112
      2. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm
      3. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm
      4. ↑ Anger and Depression in Girls and Boys: A Study of Gender Differences, Psychology of Women Quarterly March 200024: 110-112
      5. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/recognizing-suicidal-behavior
      6. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/recognizing-suicidal-behavior
      7. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.
      8. ↑ David G. Myers, “Social Psychology”, 2nd New York, 1990.
      9. ↑ Fred Luthans, “Organizational Behavior”, 9th ed., McGraw-Hill, New York, 2002.
      1. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.
      2. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.
      3. ↑ David G. Myers, “Social Psychology”, 2nd New York, 1990.
      4. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2719446/
      5. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.
      6. ↑ Fred Luthans, “Organizational Behavior”, 9th ed., McGraw-Hill, New York, 2002.
      7. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/pets-depression
      8. ↑ Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.
      9. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2702700/
      10. ↑ http://www.diagnosisdiet.com/refined-carbohydrate-list/
      11. ↑ The Washington Post: Distraught People, Deadly Results - Officers often lack the training to approach the mentally unstable, experts say (USA)
      12. ↑ Police Brutality's Hidden Victims: The Disabled

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