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Help, I have a crush on my best friend!

07/01/24 7:22 AM

How do I handle having a crush on my best friend? I think she’s amazing, and we do everything together. But I don’t know if she feels the same way, and I’m really scared of ruining things.

John Keegan

07/01/24 1:43 PM

This is a tough situation to be in. The best thing to do when you have a crush on your best friend is find out if they feel the same way. Sometimes great friends really do become great lovers.

Eventually, you want to be able to directly say, "You know what, I think I'm starting to feel something for you." But it’s better to be more subtle at first to get a sense of where they're at. For example, when you're hanging out, lean in close to their ear and whisper something funny or tell them that they look great. Just feel their vibes, and see if you can start to create some heat. At some point, you'll have to ask yourself, "Is it worth ruining the friendship we have for me to take this risk?" And if the answer is yes, then you have to do it.

You can try gradually moving towards more physical interactions by subtly doing things like saying "Let's hug," or leaning in and kissing their cheeks like you're in France. See if it feels like something's happening, if that person wants to meet you where you're at. It's very subtle, and you don't have to deal go over the top.

If it seems like they're being receptive, that can be the time to say, "I'm really starting to feel like there's something more between us" or "Maybe I'm crazy, but I feel like there's something more between us, and maybe we should explore it."

But first, I would just initiate light physical escalation and read the signs you receive.

WikiPlumJammer865

07/02/24 9:55 PM

Hey man, I went through the same thing, and it’s rough. My advice is to just talk to her. Tell her how you feel, and be clear that you both value her as a friend and as more. You don't want to make her think the friendship was a ploy to sleep with her.

I went through this with one of my friends, and things were weird for a couple days (she didn't feel the same as me). But we had some really good, honest conversations, and afterwards I actually felt like our friendship was stronger. I wasn't hiding this thing from her anymore, and, if we could talk about this, then clearly we could talk about anything.

So just be open with her, and make sure you're okay with staying friends if she doesn't feel the same. You got this!

Laura Bilotta

07/02/24 9:58 PM

If you talk to your friend and she doesn't feel the same as you, a little bit of distance can work wonders to help you heal. Keep in contact with your friend, but have less contact than before.

Don't make a big deal of it. You don't want to go around telling everyone or feel angry about the rejection. It is important to remember how the friendship was before you developed this crush.

If you have to, stop looking at their social media accounts for the time being. Talk it out with them so no one is left feeling awkward, and then commit to letting it go. Allow yourself to grieve and get over it. That could happen by creating a bit of space.

It could mean taking a few weeks or a month off of seeing them, but this could be best for both of you in the long run. Focus on other activities and on yourself, get back to doing things you love, and learn how to just be a friend again to this person.

What do other wikiHow readers have to say?

Other wikiHow readers have submitted their own tips on topics similar to this one.

Reader Tips from How to Tell Your Best Friend You Love Her

Anonymous wikiNarwhal

Experts seem to be divided on the issue of whether it is a wise idea to start a relationship with someone who's already a close friend. Some evidence shows that married people with a spouse they consider their "best friend" tend to make the happiest couples. However, there are also plenty of stories of people who end up losing both a partner and a friend once a romantic relationship with a best friend goes sour.

Anonymous wikiDolphin

This is a conversation you'll want to have in person. Don't call or text your friend to confess your love. It can be awkward to get your emotions across these ways. It can even be considered somewhat rude to not take the time to talk in person.

Anonymous wikiPigeon

Having a hard time describing how you feel? Try writing a love letter. You'll have as much time as you want to get your thoughts on paper. You can even give your friend your love letter when you meet to have your big conversation.

Reader Tips from How to Get Over a Crush on Your Best Friend

Anonymous wikiHamster

Keep yourself busy. Wallowing in your feelings will not help: before you know it, you might end up neglecting other friends or activities you love.

Anonymous wikiOcelot

Don't compare every new date with your best friend: you'll only feel like nobody can measure up. Appreciate your friend's positive qualities, but recognize that others can have good and different attributes.

Anonymous wikiBear

If you're upset, reach out to a friend or family member who can offer advice. Venting and listening to their counsel can help you move forward.

Anonymous wikiLynx

You don't have to be in a relationship to find happiness. If you haven't found the right person yet, this is the perfect time to focus on yourself. You can't have a healthy relationship with others until you're comfortable with yourself.