Help, I want to fit in!
I am a seventeen-year-old homeschooler and until this September I have not been in any environments with public-schoolers. I recently got a job at my local pool as a swim instructor/lifeguard and have been spending time with my new coworkers who seem very different from me. Most of them are my peers and I desperately want to fit in with them, but don't know where to start. I don't understand most of what my coworkers talk about, I only use a minimal amount of slang, I've never dated anyone, I don't swear, and altogether I feel weird, awkward, insecure, and irrelevant. If you are a public-schooled teen, please help me know how to become more attractive and relatable to my coworkers while still being myself.
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Expert Comments
We sympathize with your situation! It can be really hard figuring out how to feel like you "fit in" when you're coming from such a different social environment. The good news is, the gulf between you and your peers is probably not as big as it feels sometimes, and it's likely to become even smaller the more time you spend with them.
The more you hang out, the more likely you are to pick up on their references and slang usage—and they'll probably pick up some of your habits and references as well. You might even try hanging out outside of work, if you don't already, which can help people open up and get to know each other better.
You probably have more in common with your peers than you think, but remember, when it comes down to it, most people are looking to be friends with someone who's, well, friendly, as well as authentic (which it sounds like you try to be). That matters far more than who you've dated or how much you curse.
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The more you hang out, the more likely you are to pick up on their references and slang usage—and they'll probably pick up some of your habits and references as well. You might even try hanging out outside of work, if you don't already, which can help people open up and get to know each other better.
You probably have more in common with your peers than you think, but remember, when it comes down to it, most people are looking to be friends with someone who's, well, friendly, as well as authentic (which it sounds like you try to be). That matters far more than who you've dated or how much you curse.
Reader Comments
Look, fitting in isn’t about forcing it or trying to be someone you’re not. If their slang feels unfamiliar, don’t stress—over time, you’ll pick up on it naturally. You don’t have to talk exactly like them to get along; just listen, laugh when it makes sense, and if you don’t understand something, ask. People love explaining their inside jokes.
The key is finding common ground. If they talk a lot about something you’re not familiar with, check it out online or just ask them about it. And if you want to get closer, suggest simple plans outside of work—like grabbing food or hanging out sometime.
Most importantly, it’s all about attitude. If you’re relaxed and open, people will pick up on that and feel comfortable around you. Give it time, be yourself, and you’ll naturally start to connect with them
View hidden comment
The key is finding common ground. If they talk a lot about something you’re not familiar with, check it out online or just ask them about it. And if you want to get closer, suggest simple plans outside of work—like grabbing food or hanging out sometime.
Most importantly, it’s all about attitude. If you’re relaxed and open, people will pick up on that and feel comfortable around you. Give it time, be yourself, and you’ll naturally start to connect with them
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