How to Escape a Physical or Sexual Assault

No one should have to go through a physical or sexual assault, but learning to protect yourself from it can help you feel safer and more empowered. Stay calm, identify warning signs and resist verbally to prevent an assault before it happens. During an attack, use basic physical self-defense and any resources you have to fend off the attacker and get yourself back to safety.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Resisting and Escaping Before the Assault

  1. Criminals often pick victims because they weren't paying attention, they looked weak or frail, or they were alone. [1] Some potential attackers can be more aggressive while others might seem more charming or persuasive, so look for a few key signs to identify someone who might be dangerous. Regardless if you know the potential attacker and are more inclined to trust them, watch out for people who: [2]
    • Think only their ideas or desires matter.
    • Talk over you, don't listen to you, or aren't respectful of your thoughts.
    • Work hard to sweet-talk you or find a commonality to get you to trust them.
    • Focus intensely on your body.
    • Talk about others in a derogatory or overly sexualized way.
    • Invade your personal space quickly.
  2. When you first identify a potentially dangerous person or situation, leave as quickly and politely as you can. Give them an excuse or, if they're interested in you, politely tell them that you're not looking for anything right now. By letting them down gently, you avoid rejecting or embarrassing them, which could make them more likely to become violent.
    • Say something like, “My friend is actually texting me right now. We have to get home,” or “I actually have a boyfriend. That's really flattering, though.”
    • It may feel frustrating that you have to bear the burden of not upsetting the attacker. However, staying alert and treading carefully in these situations is the best way to keep yourself safe.
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  3. If letting them down or leaving politely doesn't work, show them that you're serious. Tell them that you're done talking to them or that you're not at all interested. Even saying “no” or “stop” in a firm voice can get them to back off. To make sure you can use these verbal de-escalation skills even in situations where your adrenaline's pumping, you might want to practice saying things like "Sorry, I can't help you" assertively on your own. [3] You can also stop a persistent person by firmly saying:

    “I don't want to do this. Leave me alone.”

    “I told you I'm not interested. Go away.”

    “I don't want to go that far tonight. Stop.”

  4. If they refuse to acknowledge your “no,” try talking them down with solid, threatening statements. Show them that it's not worth their time to harass or pursue you in whatever way you can. Say something like: [4]

    If you feel threatened, say:

    “Look, I'm not interested. If you keep trying to pursue it, it's not gonna end well for you.”

    “My friends are right outside. This isn't worth it for you.”

    “I'm leaving right now. Just let it go.”

  5. When firm words or calm reasoning aren't working, focus on getting your attacker to take a “temporary” pause. Tell them you have to go to the bathroom or call a friend, or say that you heard their friends were looking for them. If you're in their home, ask them for a glass of water or see if you can brush your teeth. Convince your attacker that this pause is only temporary. Once they leave or let you go, make your escape. [5]
    • Say something like, “Your breath smells a little like beer. Would you mind running to the bathroom and brushing really quick?” or “Look, I've gotta go to the bathroom. Can you wait for a second?”
  6. Be aware of your physical boundaries. If the person starts encroaching on them and won't back off when you ask, take control. Take a step away from them, shake off their hand, or leave. Make it clear that they've crossed a line and you're not going to deal with it.
    • For example, someone might cross your physical boundaries when they put their arm around you, grab your hand, or get up in your face.
    • Breaking the physical boundary or touch barrier is a sign that they might get physical or violent. You already tried to exit the situation in a polite way. If they're getting too close to you and crossing boundaries, it's time to get out of there in any way you can.
    • Have your hands out in front of you while you talk like police, bodyguards, and security officers do when dealing with somebody who's hostile. This puts you in a better position to evade or defend yourself. However, don't put your hands up in a fist prematurely, as this may push them over the edge. [6]
  7. If talking or moving away from the attacker isn't working, start calling out for help. Try to make eye contact with someone nearby, or even grabbing them on the arm. Yell loudly for help. If there's no one around, call a friend or a family member, or even the police if you feel physically threatened.
    • For example, you could make eye contact to someone and call to them directly by saying something like, “Miss, please help me!”
  8. If you can get away from the attacker, go to a public, well-populated area as fast as you can. Find or call someone you know and leave as soon as you can. You want to ensure that the attacker doesn't have the chance to get you alone.
    • For example, you could run into a crowded sidewalk, restaurant, or club. If you're in an apartment building or dorm, run into the hallway and knock on neighbors' doors.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Defending Yourself Physically

  1. If an attacker starts to get physical, your first priority is to protect yourself. Bend your elbows and get your arms in front of you with your palms open to ward off any attacks to your chest or lower body. If they're going for your head, bend your arms and place them tightly against the sides of your head. [7]

    Protecting and Counterattacking with Your Arms

    Keep your arms loose but strong. Be ready to move them in any direction.

    To counter a punch to the head: let it hit your arm, then extend your arm and grab the back of their head. Bring your other arm around and clasp their head firmly. Then, pull their body around and knee them in the stomach or groin.

  2. If you're able to get in an attack of your own, aim for their throat first. Throw a quick, powerful punch to their airway to cut off their breath and immediately weaken them. If their throat isn't an option, aim a punch at their eyes.
    • You can also drive the heel of your hand under the attacker's chin to incapacitate them quickly. Focus on pushing their head up and back.
  3. If the attacker is close to you and you can't hit or punch them, use your legs. Bend your knee and quickly drive it into their groin or stomach area to make them collapse. [8]
    • As you knee them, control their upper body by grabbing their throat or clasping your arms around their head.
  4. If your attacker has you in a chokehold, first lower your chin into the muscle of their forearm or elbow. This prevents them from putting direct pressure on your windpipe. Then, grab their elbow and hand to stabilize yourself, grab one of their fingers, and use both hands to pull their arm away from your throat. [9]
    • You can also try stomping on their instep, but this may be hard to do if they're pulling you backwards.
  5. Lying down can feel like a vulnerable position, but you can still throw off an attacker by using your lower body strength. Put your legs around their waist, then plant one foot on their hip and push your body away. Then, drive the heel of your other foot into the underside of their chin. [10]
  6. Use anything you have around you as a weapon. You could hit your attacker's head with your phone or bag, or jab them in the eyes or throat with your car keys. You could even throw a drink at them to cause a momentary distraction. Even if the weapon doesn't do much physical harm, it might give you a second to break free and run away.

    Tip: Use whatever you have handy as a weapon. Jab them with your car keys, throw a drink, or even hit them with your phone.

    You could also consider carrying pepper spray or other self-defense weapons for extra security.

  7. Self-defense classes can teach you techniques to protect yourself and get out of dangerous situations. Beyond just learning the right form, you'll also get familiar with what it feels like to be in dangerous situations. This lessens your chance of freezing up or panicking in a real assault. [13]
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Working Towards Recovery

  1. Once you're out of immediate danger, go to a safe place and talk to someone you trust. If you can, tell them what happened, sharing only as much as you feel comfortable with.
    • Say something like, “I need to talk to you. I think I was just sexually assaulted.”
    • You can also call a sexual or physical assault hotline to talk to people trained to help. In the US, call 800-656-HOPE (4673). In England, call 0808 802 9999. In Canada, call (604) 872-8212.
    • If you're not ready to talk about your assault just yet, you should still try to get emotional support. Go to your loved one and say something like, “Something bad happened and I need some support.”
    • Even if you were able to escape from your attacker, the experience can still be emotionally traumatizing. Wanting to talk to a friend about what happened or could have happened is completely normal and recommended.
  2. Get medical treatment as soon as you can, even if you don't feel physically harmed. Doctors will treat any physical injuries from the assault. In the case of a sexual assault, a doctor will screen you for STDs, pregnancy, or date rape drugs and give emergency contraception if necessary. [14]
    • You can get medical care even if you don't think you'll report the assault.
  3. if you feel you can. Deciding whether to report the assault might be difficult, especially right afterwards. You may have complicated feelings about the assault, or not want to relive it by reporting it. However, you may want to report it to make your voice heard and have the chance to prosecute the attacker. The choice is yours to make; don't let anyone pressure you in either direction.
    • No matter what you decide, remember that the assault was not your fault.
    • If you do decide to report it, do so as soon as possible. This gives the authorities a better chance of gathering evidence.
  4. Moving on after an assault is never easy. Many victims struggle with social and sexual problems, reliving the assault, complicated emotions, and PTSD, among other things. If you're having trouble recovering, make an appointment with a counselor or therapist to talk about what you're going through and receive treatment. [15]
    • Struggling with recovery and asking for help doesn't mean you're weak. It means you were affected by a traumatic event, and you're strong enough to get the help you need.
    • Victims of assault can also struggle with depression and PTSD, which are medical conditions that you can treat with the help of a doctor.
  5. It's normal to feel a range of emotions following an assault, including anger, vulnerability, pain, and shame. Do your best to feel these emotions, not shy away from them, and to release them in a healthy way. Be patient with yourself. You may not be able to return to your normal life right away, and that's OK. Give yourself time to heal. [16]
    • You can release your emotions by talking to a family member or therapist, writing them down, channeling them into art, or releasing them through exercise.
    • Remember that the assault was not your fault. You did nothing to deserve it.
  6. Lean on your friends and family as much as you need to, whether you want to talk about what you went through or just have people to spend time with. Either way, being around others can help you feel better and start to get back to your normal routine.
    • Try low-key, relaxing activities like talking with your friends, watching movies with them, or cooking meals together.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can you avoid assault?
    Joseph Bautista
    Self-Defense Specialist, Martial Arts Instructor, & 1st Aid/CPR Instructor
    Joseph Bautista is a Self-Defense Specialist and a Martial Arts Instructor specializing in Filipino martial arts. With over 18 years of instructing and martial arts training experience, Joseph runs Legacy Filipino Martial Arts, a Filipino martial arts school based in San Francisco, California. He also teaches self-defense with Self Defense For the People, a self-defense program with clients such as Salesforce, Airbnb, Gap, UPS, and UCSF. When not teaching self defense he is teaching CPR and 1st Aid Skills to 911 Dispatchers and Local Police Officers in the SF Bay Area with 1st Five Minutes.
    Joseph Bautista
    Self-Defense Specialist, Martial Arts Instructor, & 1st Aid/CPR Instructor
    Expert Answer
    To prevent any type of attack, practice situational awareness and pay attention to your surroundings. When in public, look as far in front of you as you can, check your left, your right, and behind you. Make sure you don't see anybody that is paying too much attention to you. Also, hone your verbal de-escalation skills by practicing phrases like "Sorry, I can't help you" in various tones—polite, assertive, aggressive. Then, when you're in a situation where that statement could help, you won't freeze up because of the adrenaline.
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      Tips

      • Arm yourself with as much information and as many tools as you can. Put yourself in the best position possible to fend off any potential attacker.
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      References

      1. ↑ Joseph Bautista. Self-Defense Specialist, Martial Arts Instructor, & 1st Aid/CPR Instructor. Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.
      2. ↑ http://ccea.life/downloads/what_every_girl_should_know.pdf
      3. ↑ Joseph Bautista. Self-Defense Specialist, Martial Arts Instructor, & 1st Aid/CPR Instructor. Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.
      4. ↑ https://www.elitedaily.com/life/protect-sexual-assault-according-fbi-defense-tactics-instructor/2032732
      5. ↑ https://www.elitedaily.com/life/protect-sexual-assault-according-fbi-defense-tactics-instructor/2032732
      6. ↑ Joseph Bautista. Self-Defense Specialist, Martial Arts Instructor, & 1st Aid/CPR Instructor. Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.
      7. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5GPMHnH1zI&feature=youtu.be&t=1m2s
      8. ↑ https://www.elitedaily.com/life/protect-sexual-assault-according-fbi-defense-tactics-instructor/2032732
      9. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0sGXYOCfqk&feature=youtu.be&t=56s
      1. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eitbKsDg1Mg&feature=youtu.be&t=58s
      2. ↑ Joseph Bautista. Self-Defense Specialist, Martial Arts Instructor, & 1st Aid/CPR Instructor. Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.
      3. ↑ Joseph Bautista. Self-Defense Specialist, Martial Arts Instructor, & 1st Aid/CPR Instructor. Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.
      4. ↑ https://www.elitedaily.com/life/protect-sexual-assault-according-fbi-defense-tactics-instructor/2032732
      5. ↑ https://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/ptsd-overview/women/sexual-assault-females.asp
      6. ↑ https://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/ptsd-overview/women/sexual-assault-females.asp
      7. ↑ https://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/ptsd-overview/women/sexual-assault-females.asp

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