How to Get to Know a Girl You Don't See Regularly

If you have had an encounter with a girl for just a brief time, or this is a girl you see periodically but not on a daily basis and want to know better there are a number of ways to go about getting to know her better. You don't want to overdo it and force matters, so keeping whatever relationship you may have with the girl respectful is crucial to this process. Modern technology has greatly enhanced the ability to stay in contact and learn about one another, but this too can be intrusive. Try to strike a balance.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Revisiting the Initial Encounter

  1. Recall how you first met the girl . This may be difficult depending how much time has passed, but it can help and will be useful to reference in later steps.
    • Did you meet at school, work, on a playing field, etc...?
    • Did you have a casual conversation at length? Just say hi?
    • Did you exchange any contact information? If so, where have you stored this information? If not, can you recover the information some other way?
  2. There are a number of ways to find people online if you have lost their contact information. But whether you have kept the girl's information or not, you need to proceed cautiously.
    • If you have completely lost the girl's information, consider doing a search on people finder pages. Some are free, some are not so be careful. Some can even be scams.
    • If you have her phone number, consider a call/text during a reasonable time of day such as middle of the afternoon or early evening. In other words, don't call during the middle of the night or early morning when you are likely to disturb a person's sleep or regular routine.
    • If you have her e-mail address, make sure you are sending her a message from an account that is using your regular name and is an account you check often. Ensure any spam filters aren't going to reject messages from her account.
    • In the event you are using regular paper-mail to contact her, make sure you have the address correct on the envelope and proper postage. A clerk at your local post office can verify both.
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  3. Using the memory of the first meeting is helpful for this. [1] [2]
    • Reminding the girl of the meeting will not only help her memory of you, but ideally, give the two of you something in common to discuss.
    • However you phrase the message, be respectful and consider that the girl may not remember you at all. This is someone who does not see you often either.
    • You may want to wait for a response before asking for further contact. This way you can be sure you have the correct contact information and give the both of you time to consider if you want to pursue further encounters.
    • If further contact is desired by both the girl and yourself, suggest a neutral place for the two of you to meet in person if physical distance is not an issue--like a coffee shop or bookstore. Some place public where you can talk without feeling isolated. If distance is an issue, then you may suggest an online chat session.
  4. You may not stick to this exactly, but it may be a good guide.
    • Since the girl and you know that you don't see each other often, ask if she wants to set up a regular contact time. This can be once a day, every other day, once a week, etc...
    • You should consider working this around your respective schedules--work, school, family obligations--so you know you both won't be disturbed during these periods.
    • If you both are strict about making these times, have a "rain check" plan so you can meet at other times if your scheduled time is missed. Consider that learning each other's schedules is an opportunity to get to know each other better.
  5. Given modern technological abilities, this is a useful option.
    • Ask the girl which social media services she uses and if she's willing to include you as a friend/follower on them--you can make the same offer to her.
    • These sites can share a lot of personal information, photos, videos, etc...,--and from others in the girl's and your circle of family and friends--so be sure it is something you are willing to participate in. Do not be alarmed if she refuses or is reluctant at first.
    • If she agrees, be courteous about protecting what she shares with you.
    • Ask permission about sharing anything she shares with you.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Establishing a Rapport

  1. After your initial meeting, any amount of time may have passed, so take some time to catch up with the girl. [3]
    • Don't make this an interrogation, keep things cordial.
    • Consider that there will be matters you both will not want to share with the other.
    • Ask about the basics--job, school, family, see where this leads. But don't press if either of you are getting upset.
  2. Ask about similar interests, including movies, television shows, books, music, craft hobbies, nature/outdoors, or sports. Find a common bond and work to strengthen it.
    • Compare travel habits and find out if you've done any globe-trotting in the same areas.
    • Keep in mind some of these ideas for activities you two might engage in together. Consider casually suggesting something like going to a sporting event or concert in the future. You don't have to mention a specific one, and if either of you mentions this and feels uneasy about it--back off the idea for the time being.
  3. If and when the idea of a meeting is back up for discussion, recall the neutral location idea.
    • As this is not intended to be an intimate setting, a further relationship shouldn't be assumed.
    • Use polite greetings, you don't need to be overly formal, but asking about how she's been and her family, etc... are good ways to start. Remember, this is someone you don't see often and vice-versa. So she may ask the same things about you.
    • If this is a coffee shop/restaurant setting, you can offer to pay for her. If she insists that you don't, remember this is not a formal date and do not press too much.
  4. You want this to be pleasant for the both of you, and lead to further communications.
    • Relax, let this be a casual setting for the both of you.
    • Try not to interrupt.
    • You can bring up some of the things you have in common or even the first encounter you discussed in your earlier communications if it helps break the ice.
    • As long as it's not "off limits" you might discuss your family histories, friends.
    • Some sample greetings/questions might include, "It has been a while, how have your parents been?" ; "Hi, remember me from..." (and include the event that brought you together the first time immediately) ; "Good afternoon! I haven't seen you since..." (and use the event or time since you last met). Essentially, be familiar and memorable to put you both at ease.
    • If things go well, set up a time and place for a next meeting.
  5. If the girl is interested in something more participatory like a concert, sporting event, etc..., plan this at your face-to-face meeting.
    • Determine the details of the event you want to go to, dates, cost, transportation, lodging, etc...
    • Figure out if either of you are going to be bringing other family and friends along. This does not necessarily hinder your ability to get to know the girl. Others could be a distraction, but as they are a part of your life and hers, either of you may be interested in getting to know the other's extended circle of relations.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Maintaining Contact

  1. Recall your first encounter with the girl and how you may or may not have kept her contact information. Don't risk this.
    • Save her phone number(s), email addresses, online screen-names, etc... in your account contact lists and a back-up file.
    • Identity theft is always a risk, so make sure wherever you are saving this information is secure--free of viruses, spyware.
    • Don't share her information without her express permission.
    • Your identity needs protecting too, so make sure the girl has the same understanding.
  2. This works with the regular communication and meeting times to ensure you don't lose contact. Since you and the girl don't see each other often normally, this is essential.
    • While there is not a rule that the girl and you have to follow these times, it is helpful to remind each other that you wish to stay in touch often since you don't have a routine daily encounter otherwise.
    • You both may consider setting electronic reminders to send messages to each other or special alerts/chimes when the girl and you call, text, or email each other.
  3. Don't let large spans of time pass between seeing each other if physical visits are practical. Since you don't see each other on a daily basis, you need to create the chances to meet.
    • Meeting in person is the best way to check your compatibility and not get stuck in a lot of back-and-forth messaging. [4]
    • If you and the girl are cross-country from each other, perhaps a couple of times per year would work.
    • If the two of you are not far in distance, then more frequent visits and shared activities may not be out of the question.
  4. This is a great opportunity to create a positive bond among the girl and yourself--and perhaps her family and friends too.
    • Set reminders for her birthday, major holidays (take into account any faith-based ones she may observe), and other occasions she may have brought up.
    • Make sure to thank her for any occasions she celebrates on your behalf. Thank her with a card, a small token-gift, or something else you think would be appropriate for the occasion.
    • Consider actually planning meetings with her on these occasions as a common activity.
  5. Moderation is a good word to know with these steps. However much communication this girl may want, you should be aware when you need to not push things further and stress her out [5] [6]
    • Pay attention to her tone in communications. If she seems annoyed, irritable at you--consider that your attention may be unwanted.
    • If you need a cooling off period, withdraw politely and wait a few days, maybe a couple of weeks before attempting communication again. She may ask you for more time, if so, honor that request.
    • If you notice a more serious problem and suspect that there is a cause other than your communications, you might want to make some discreet inquiries to see if there is a mental health issue at work. But this determination should ultimately be made by a doctor.
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  • Question
    If I met a girl on a bus or in a cinema, who could I ask for her mobile phone number?
    Community Answer
    You should definitely ask for it yourself -- doing so shows her that you are a confident, friendly person.
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  • Question
    How can I get a girl to like me again?
    Community Answer
    Girls like to be treated with respect and kindness, so try to be charming and relaxed. Treat her like a friend, not just someone you want to date. Tell her jokes, compliment her, help her when she needs it, and try to show her how much you care. (It wouldn't hurt to make sure you take care of yourself physically too.)
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  • Question
    How can I get to know a girl without having a phone or computer?
    Community Answer
    You just have to be bold and talk to her in person. She may like it.
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      Tips

      • Back up all contact information regularly, make sure its up to date.
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      • As long as the girl doesn't object, be creative and surprising with your communications beyond the regular schedules you may have set up.
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      Warnings

      • If the girl has made it clear she wants no communication with you, do not attempt it again.
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      • The girl in question may or may not be involved in another relationship. This does not preclude you from getting to know her, but proceed cautiously when asking about her relationship status.
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      References

      1. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/email-etiquette-rules-everyone-should-know-2014-9?op=1
      2. ↑ http://www.nimh.nih.gov/about/director/2011/how-does-memory-work-the-plot-thickens.shtml
      3. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/delia-lloyd/friendship-etiquette_b_864561.html
      4. ↑ Chris Willatt. House Cleaning Professional. Expert Interview
      5. ↑ Chris Willatt. House Cleaning Professional. Expert Interview
      6. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-symptoms-effects_of-stress-on-the-body?page=2

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