When Is It Okay to Hug Someone?

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Learn when hugging is appropriate with friends & at work
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Hugging is a common way to greet and relate to other people, but you might be wondering when it’s okay to embrace an acquaintance, friend, or coworker. Luckily, there are simple ways to tell if it’s okay to hug someone, like asking for their permission or looking for open body language cues. Keep reading to learn when it’s okay to hug a friend, how to tell if it’s okay to hug someone in general, and what considerations to take in the workplace.

Things You Should Know

  • Hugs are generally shared with friends and people you’re close to. It’s totally okay to hug your friends when you greet them or to comfort them.
  • If you’re unsure about hugging someone, ask if it’s okay to hug them. For instance, ask “Can I hug you,” “Do you want a hug,” or “Are you a hugger?”
  • Look for open body language cues before going in to hug someone, like a relaxed posture, eye contact, uncrossed arms, and leaning towards you.
Section 1 of 3:

When is it okay to hug a friend?

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  1. Hugs are typically shared with people you care deeply about, including your platonic friendships. Giving a warm, friendly hug expresses your affection and support and helps you maintain your bond. [1]
    • It’s totally normal to want to hug your bud! Besides strengthening your friendship, hugs improve your mood, make you feel comforted, and reduce stress. [2]
    • It’s okay to hug a friend of the opposite sex or gender, too. A hug from a friend just says you like them and feel close to them.
  2. As long as your friend is okay with hugs, hug them when you say hi and bye. Or, celebrate their accomplishments with a hug. It’s also acceptable to hug them during emotional moments, like comforting them after a breakup or expressing your condolences at a funeral. [3]
    • If you don’t know whether your friend is a hugger or not, ask them. Respect their boundaries and don’t go in for a hug unless they initiate it.
    • People process things differently, so ask your friend if they want a hug during emotional moments. For example, ask, “Do you need a hug?” or “Can I give you a hug?”
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  3. To hug your friend, wrap your arms around their back and let your chests touch for about 1 to 3 seconds. Or, give them a quick one-armed hug by slinging an arm around their back or shoulder. To make the hug warmer, give them a gentle squeeze or a pat on the back. [4]
    • If you’re hugging a best friend or you haven’t seen your buddy in a long time, it’s normal to hold the hug for longer.
    • In general, only your upper bodies touch in a friendly hug. Keep your hugs short and sweet to stay platonic, as full body contact and a long squeeze can signal that the hug is romantic .
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Section 2 of 3:

How to Tell If It’s Okay to Hug Someone

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  1. The only way to truly know if it’s okay to hug someone is to ask! While it can seem awkward, your acquaintance, friend, or family member will likely appreciate you asking for consent instead of assuming they want a hug. [5]
    • To ask someone for a hug, say something like: [6]
      • “Do you need a hug?”
      • “Are you a hugger?”
      • “I’d love to hug you right now, if that’s okay with you.”
      • “Can I give you a hug?”
      • “I'm here anytime you need a hug. Just let me know.”
    • If the person declines your hug, politely accept their answer by saying, “Thanks for letting me know” or, “Okay, cool!”
    • Go in for a hug if the person gives you an enthusiastic, “Yes!” If they seem uncomfortable or unsure, don’t hug them.
  2. Pausing to read the person’s body language can help you determine whether it’s okay to hug them. Look for open and friendly cues like a relaxed stance, uncrossed arms, and their feet pointed towards you. Making eye contact, smiling, and leaning towards you are also signs they’re open to a hug. [7]
    • If their body language is open, offer them a hug by opening your arms and making eye contact .
    • Let the person initiate the hug if you’re unsure about their body language.
    • Don’t hug someone if their body language is closed off, like stiffening their body, crossing their arms, distancing themself from you, and avoiding eye contact.
  3. If you are in a group setting, like a wedding, funeral, family reunion, or conference, observe what other people are doing. For instance, if people are lining up to congratulate an acquaintance who won an award, see if they’re hugging them. Then, follow suit if you’re comfortable doing so.
    • Hugs are common and sometimes expected, like in receiving lines at weddings. Look at what other people are doing and copy their behavior. [8]
    • If you’re still not sure whether it’s okay to hug or not, examine the person’s body language or explicitly ask them if they want a hug.
    • It’s okay to avoid a hug even if everyone else is giving one. Instead, offer a hand-shake, wave, high-five, or simply give a polite smile.
  4. If you are unsure whether the situation calls for a hug or if the person wants one, examine what they do as they approach you. If they stretch both arms wide and smile, they’re probably offering you a hug. Leaning to the side can also mean they expect a hug. [9]
    • If the person stretches out one hand, they’re likely most comfortable with a handshake. Put your hand out to accept their handshake instead of going for a hug.
  5. It can be awkward and uncomfortable for others if you greet one person with a hug but not everyone else around you. If you’re not comfortable hugging everyone in a group hi or goodbye, avoid going in for a hug altogether.
  6. Hugging is generally reserved for friends, family members, partners, close colleagues, and other people you know well. [10] However, there are times when hugs with strangers are appropriate, like highly emotional situations. You might hug another fan when your sports team wins or provide comfort to someone going through a hard time. [11]
    • Read the person’s body language or ask them if they want a hug before going in for one.
    • You might see people offering hugs in public areas as part of the Free Hugs campaign, which promotes communication and closeness. If you are offered a hug by someone with a “Free Hugs” sign, feel free to accept or decline it. [12]
  7. If you are just getting to know someone, examine the amount of personal space they like to maintain with other people and their friends. As you spend more time with them and get a better sense of their boundaries, you can decide when a hug is appropriate. [13]
    • If your new friend initiates hugs and you are fine with them, you can likely move from greeting them with a handshake to a hug more quickly.
    • If your new friend tells you they’re not a hugger or prefers to keep to themselves, stick to waves or handshakes in most situations.
  8. If you’re unsure whether it’s okay to hug someone on the first date or beyond, simply ask them what they’re comfortable with. Generally, giving a new romantic partner a quick hug is appropriate when ending a first or second date that went well.
    • Look at your date’s body language to see if a hug is okay. They might want to hug you if they spread their arms wide or lean to the side during a greeting.
    • If your first date goes well, it can be appropriate to start your second date with a warm hug. [14]
    • If your partner is comfortable with it, hugging at the beginning of a date can help you both relax and break down barriers.
  9. If you’re feeling under the weather or have a contagious illness, going in for a hug is unhealthy and can potentially make other people sick. Likewise, it’s unsanitary and considered bad manners to hug people when you’re unclean or still sweaty from a workout. [15]
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Section 3 of 3:

How to Tell If It’s Okay to Hug in the Workplace

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  1. If you work at a large corporate office or a professional and traditional field like business or banking, generally avoid hugging your coworkers. Hugs might be more acceptable if you work in a smaller office with a more open and laid-back culture, like the hospitality industry. [17]
    • Keep your hugs professional by embracing your colleague for 1 to 2 seconds and leaving space between your bodies. A long, lingering hug is typically inappropriate.
    • People who work in offices with more women tend to report hugging their colleagues more often. [18]
  2. If you are good friends with a coworker or client, it’s acceptable to hug them when you greet them at a meeting or event or see them around town. A hug can also be appropriate if you spot a colleague at a conference or networking event and you haven’t seen them in a while. [19]
    • Avoid hugging your work friend if you’re in a group with other colleagues you wouldn’t hug. Instead, offer a handshake to everyone to keep things professional.
  3. If a coworker is celebrating a promotion or receiving an award for their hard work, it’s acceptable to share in their joy and hug them. Or, you might hug a colleague when they accept a new job or retire. It’s also appropriate to offer a hug to comfort a colleague in an emotional situation, like if they had a death in their family. [20]
    • Ask your colleague if they want or need a hug before embracing them without their consent.
    • Observe your coworker’s body language to help determine if it’s okay to hug them. If they smile, make eye contact, and lean towards you or open their arms, they likely want a hug. [21]
  4. In general, it’s acceptable to hug your coworkers who are on the same level as you or have the same position. However, if you are in a position of power at your workplace, don’t hug anyone you manage or who is on a lower level than you. [22]
    • Managing people creates an unbalanced power dynamic. Your subordinates might feel coerced to hug you because you are in charge of their job.
  5. While there’s a time and place for friendly hugs in the workplace, if you work with your partner, it’s generally considered inappropriate to give them long, romantic hugs in the office. Keep things professional and treat them like your other colleagues while you’re at work. [23]
  6. Physically touching colleagues of the opposite sex is typically seen as unprofessional, as it can cross their boundaries and be seen as harassment. However, if you have a friendly and professional relationship with a coworker and have their consent to hug them, it’s okay. [24]
  7. If you’re unsure whether it’s okay to hug a colleague at work, it’s best to err on the side of caution and avoid giving a hug. Instead, give a coworker a handshake when you greet them, say goodbye, or congratulate them. [25]
    • If a coworker, colleague, or client initiates a hug and you’re open to it, it’s appropriate to hug them back.
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Community Q&A

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  • Question
    Is it weird for a guy to hug someone else? Like, if one of my acquaintances is really sad and I want to hug them, can I? Or is it more acceptable for a woman to do so?
    Community Answer
    It depends on the person and the type of relationship you have with them, but generally this should be avoided with mere acquaintances. Many men are uncomfortable with getting that kind of affection from other men. Meanwhile, women might see it as a crossing of boundaries. Both genders can be uncomfortable with the same thing from a female acquaintance as well, though the discomfort level may be lower due to women generally being expected to be more friendly and nurturing than men (so it's more in line with gender norms and less potentially weird/suspicious).
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    Not Helpful 5 Helpful 6
  • Question
    I want to hug my male friend (I am also a guy) but I'm not sure when to ask him. I've known him for over a year and ever since the day I met him I've want to give him a hug so bad but had to work to it, what should I do?
    Community Answer
    Most men have no problem with getting a hug from another guy, especially if it is under the right circumstances. That said, if you are romantically interested in him, you should talk to him about that.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 16 Helpful 13
  • Question
    I recently had a group of neighbours, all women, over. I greeted each with a hug at my door. What does this say about me?
    Community Answer
    It says that you are caring, affectionate, and enjoy physical touch. All of this is fine unless someone dislikes being hugged, but they should say so in advance (if they don't, you cannot be responsible for crossing into their space but you'll know next time.)
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_ways_hugs_are_good_for_your_health
      2. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/why-hugging-is-actually-good-for-your-health-video/
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-asymmetric-brain/202206/10-things-make-hug-great
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-asymmetric-brain/202206/10-things-make-hug-great
      5. ↑ https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/2018-01/everydayconsent_onepager_508.pdf
      6. ↑ https://www.antiviolenceproject.org/2019/01/do-you-want-to-hug/
      7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
      8. ↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/receiving-line-etiquette-options-tips
      9. ↑ https://www.latimes.com/lifestyle/story/2022-11-22/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-hugs
      1. ↑ https://www.latimes.com/lifestyle/story/2022-11-22/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-hugs
      2. ↑ https://mabelkwong.com/2014/07/24/when-to-hug-someone-and-why-asians-dont-always-hug/
      3. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/sep/02/free-hug-movement-founder
      4. ↑ https://www.latimes.com/lifestyle/story/2022-11-22/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-hugs
      5. ↑ https://pairedlife.com/dating/Second-date-tips-for-men-and-women-2nd-date-advice-for-guys-and-girls
      6. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2021/10/10/1044830174/is-it-still-too-risky-to-hug-we-answer-that-question-and-more
      7. ↑ Tami Claytor. Etiquette Coach. Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
      8. ↑ https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/12/success/hugging-at-work/index.html
      9. ↑ https://www.etiquettetrainer.com/handshake-or-hug-in-the-office/
      10. ↑ https://www.etiquettetrainer.com/handshake-or-hug-in-the-office/
      11. ↑ https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/workplace-hugging-dos-mostly-donts-dan-rust/
      12. ↑ https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/12/success/hugging-at-work/index.html
      13. ↑ https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/12/success/hugging-at-work/index.html
      14. ↑ https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/workplace-hugging-dos-mostly-donts-dan-rust/
      15. ↑ https://www.etiquettetrainer.com/handshake-or-hug-in-the-office/
      16. ↑ https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/12/success/hugging-at-work/index.html

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