Q&A for How to Be a Good Stepfather

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How can l get my stepson to engage in communication and to want to spend time with me?

Community Answer

It takes time, but he will learn to trust and communicate with you if you are a good listener and non-judgemental. When he does talk to you, stop what you're doing, make eye contact and listen.

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Question

What can I do to be a better stepfather to a disobedient 16-year-old?

Community Answer

First figure out the problem. Is she that way because she doesn't get much attention, is there something going on at school, or does she not know/understand the rules properly? Once you've found out the problem, try to fix it. Then treat her like your own. Bond with her, find her interests, and show her that you love her.

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Question

What should a stepchild me? My first name? Stepfather?

Community Answer

It's really up to you and the child to determine what you're both comfortable with. Many children call their stepparents by their first name. If you want something more familiar, you could go with "dad" or "pop" or some other variation on "father."

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My girlfriend's 5 year old daughter whom I thought really liked me, told me yesterday that she doesn't because she thought I looked strange.What do I do?

Community Answer

It'll pass, children have lots of unusual ideas when they're young. Be kind, thoughtful and caring around her. Talk to your girlfriend so she can have a chat to her daughter about not judging people by their looks, in language appropriate to the child's age; it will be best coming from mom and not you, as she'll already trust her mom a lot. Don't sweat it, kids that age don't mean to be nasty, they just express things as they see them, and she has probably picked up some odd ideas off TV or from someone else and this is a good time to correct those.

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Question

What should I do for the first time I meet my stepkids?

Community Answer

Greet them, ask a few questions, nothing more. Chances are if you are meeting them for the first time, they are not your step kids yet and you are not their stepfather, because you aren't married yet. Don't take things quickly, most kids and teens are not accepting for the new figure until months or even years later.

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What can I do if my stepkids get mad at me for offering to spend time with them?

Community Answer

Your stepkids do not have to always spend time with you. They could easily be doing something else. Even if they do not appear to be doing something else, they may be ill, tired, or angry. Try to approach this by starting with 'Can I ask you something?' followed by the request.

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