Q&A for How to Know if the Boy You Love Is a Player

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  • Question
    What does it mean when a guy is a player?
    Maya Diamond, MA
    Relationship Coach
    Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 13 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.
    Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    A player is someone who doesn't really want a relationship, but they may be dishonest about their attentions because they want sex or attention. When you're dating, look out for a false myth, or a lack of sincerity in the way someone holds themselves. If you listen to your body, your intuition, and your heart, you can usually tell if someone is being genuine or not.
  • Question
    See if your boyfriend's friend tells you to 'die' and your boyfriend doesn't do anything but just laughs, what does this mean?
    Community Answer
    It means he's immature and cares more about looking cool to his friend than your hurt feelings. Not a good sign.
  • Question
    The guy I like likes me back but he is a player and has had 3 girlfriends since we found out we liked each other. He keeps flirting with my best friend, and I'm starting to wonder if he actually likes me. What do you think? He told me he didn't, but I'm starting to think otherwise.
    Community Answer
    Your answer is right in your comment. If he's flirting with your best friend and he has had three other girlfriends and told you he doesn't like you, then, minimally, he also likes other people. This guy will cause nothing but pain. The writing is on the wall. Look elsewhere.
  • Question
    How do we know if a boy likes you?
    Community Answer
    He will want to spend time with you, won't move too fast physically, will come up with reasons to see you or talk to you, will make you feel good about yourself, will be available for you, won't hide things from you, and will introduce you to others who matter to him.
  • Question
    I kind of like my friend. We always used to hang out together. He has a girlfriend who lives far from his house. He doesn't have any physical relationship with his girlfriend. But once after a party, we were physical. After that I started liking him. So can you tell me he loves me or not?
    Community Answer
    Going after a guy with a girlfriend is usually going to lead to pain. He may not be emotionally available, and may be substituting you in for the part that doesn't work or because he doesn't get to see her much. Talk to him about it. Tell him your feelings or ask him to do something romantic, and see what he says. Or go after a guy who is free.
  • Question
    What if he talks to you at night and not at day time?
    Community Answer
    This depends on his job or school schedule. Maybe he's just too busy to talk. In fact, if he always talks to you at night, that's a good sign. It means he's not with someone else. However, if he has time to call during the day but chooses not to, it could be that he's interested in only getting physical with you. To figure out which is which, see whether there are other red flags. If, for example, he schedules dates with you and has introduced you to his friends and parents, it's probably OK.
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