At work within the subject matter are two powerful forces: the genetic identity of an LGBTQ individual who never asked to be gay and the extreme societal-political forces that represent the political flavor of the day. Gay and lesbian folks have lived throughout history on every continent, and this cannot nor will ever be changed. Social tolerance ebbs and flows and constantly changes which shapes perspective.
Steps
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1Have a conversation with them. To assess if the parents of a LGBTQ child want to discuss their feelings, it is necessary to speak with them sensitively. Check to see whether the parents are willing to talk. There is nothing anyone can do if they are unwilling to change and speak up about their feelings.
- If the parents agree with what you’re saying, do your best to reassure them without being patronizing. Listen more than you speak at first, and take notes. Regardless, parents' feelings are genuine, regardless of how logical, factually true, or "right" they are.
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2Identify the primary factors that contribute to the resistance. This could be religion, community image, anxiety for the future of the LGBTQ child, or some/all of the above.Advertisement
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3After gathering data, convey factual facts in an informative manner. Accredited mainstream institutions and professional groups provide objective information. Information with a religious or political bias, agenda, or association should be regarded with caution. Any claim that "secular" education and research are evil is a sort of fanaticism that claims their agenda-driven research is impartial.
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4Know what you're going to talk about. The subject of a child coming out as LGBTQ should be free of any suggestion that it is a disciplinary issue. It is not, and treating it as such is psychological child abuse.
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5Allow them to process the facts at their own rate; not every parent is ready for a barrage of information. Although feelings are more essential than facts, out-of-control feelings that cause harm to others are not acceptable.
- It can be a shock to parents to know that their child has been developing identities or learning things on their own about themselves. [1]
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Research source
[2]
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Expert Source
Deb DiSandro
Owner, Speak Up On Purpose Expert Interview - You can help them get support from a parent support group and an LGBT Center. [3]
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Research source
[4]
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Expert Source
Deb DiSandro
Owner, Speak Up On Purpose Expert Interview - Or consult a therapist, clinician, or certified counselor. [5]
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Research source
[6]
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Expert Source
Deb DiSandro
Owner, Speak Up On Purpose Expert Interview
- It can be a shock to parents to know that their child has been developing identities or learning things on their own about themselves. [1]
X
Research source
[2]
X
Expert Source
Deb DiSandro
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6Think about the child(ren). Depending on the child's age, their safety may be jeopardized. If that's the case, contact PFLAG or the Trevor Project, who may be able to point you in the right direction.
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7Don't set your expectations too high too soon. Many parents have been bombarded with social messages that reflect ethnic or communal bias throughout their lives. This isn't something that can be solved with one or two conversations.
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8Ensure that a family situation does not turn into something bad. Make sure the situation doesn’t devolve into family violence, suicide attempts, drug or alcohol misuse, runaway attempts, or the purposeful infliction of pain and suffering on others. This issue has the potential to swiftly become viral and dangerous. Maintain a tranquil environment for everyone.
- Try to intervene to help the kid if you see signs of abuse, mental illness, or destructive behavior.
- If you are able, see if you can help arrange for the kid to live somewhere else if their living situation gets too bad.
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9Let the parent know what they risk by not accepting their child(ren). Non-accepting parents risk for their child to:
- Develop mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression
- Attempt or die of suicide
- Run away from home
- Reject their family entirely and cut off all forms of communication
- Turn to drugs, self harm, or substance abuse to cope
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Community Q&A
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QuestionI tried talking to my mom about my sexuality (I'm pan), and she shut me down fast. How can I help her understand that I tried my best to come out to her and that I'm already in a dark place from this?Community AnswerTalk to her again at a time when she can give you her full attention. Don't give her a chance to shut you down, just say something like, "Mom, I'm pansexual. This means I'm attracted to people of all genders. I'm sorry if you don't approve of that, but it's who I am and I hope you can accept that." Then give her some time. Quite often parents will come around to the idea after they've had a chance to think about it for a while.
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QuestionI’m bisexual. My Mother is a Christian who won’t accept who I am. How can I ever date women if she won’t accept them or me?Community AnswerThe best thing you can do is sit down and just talk to her. If your mom is a Christian, she should still love you no matter what. If not, you don't necessarily need to keep her abreast of every aspect of your dating life.
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Tips
- Use the correct terminology.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-support-a-transgender-friend-or-family-member-0605154
- ↑ Deb DiSandro. Owner, Speak Up On Purpose. Expert Interview
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-support-a-transgender-friend-or-family-member-0605154
- ↑ Deb DiSandro. Owner, Speak Up On Purpose. Expert Interview
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-support-a-transgender-friend-or-family-member-0605154
- ↑ Deb DiSandro. Owner, Speak Up On Purpose. Expert Interview
- American Psychological Association
- http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/sexual-orientation.aspx
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