Telling your parents you want to see a therapist or other mental health professional can be intimidating, especially if you don't always discuss your emotions or you think they may not be open to the idea. There are many different steps to approach your parents and let them know how you are feeling without them trying to fix your problems themselves. Below are some tips on starting this conversation in a way that allows your parents to better understand your situation and provide support in areas where you most need it.
Steps
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1Know that it is okay for you to ask for help. Becoming aware of your issues is a good thing. It means you are insightful and ready to deal with your problems head-on. Recognizing that you need help for your mental health is the first step to getting help.
- Show compassion to yourself, knowing that you are trying the very best you can with the situation you are in. You are not a failure or a bother. You are human, trying to navigate life the only way you know how.
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2Prepare what to say in advance. Outline what you want to say and write a rough draft of your thoughts on a piece of paper or your phone. Use “I” statements and avoid pointing the blame if possible.
- You should also figure out whether you wish to include both parents or just one. If you think one parent will be more accepting than the other, think about whether it is best to discuss your situation with that one parent before involving both of them.
- If you are uncomfortable telling your parents exactly how you feel, you can come up with phrases to make it easier to express your desires. For example, you can tell your parents that you are experiencing some confusing emotions and thoughts, such as overwhelming sadness that won't go away (depression) or feeling ashamed with your appearance (issues with body image), and that you may not understand how to explain them but would like therapy to help you know them.
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3Schedule a time to have the conversation without distractions. Ask your parents to have a private talk with just you. Convey that this conversation is important to you and you want time to sit down alone and discuss. Avoid having siblings in the meeting if possible to avoid outside judgment or opinions.
- Plan on talking during a time you know you will have your parent's full attention, such as before or after dinner, or on a day when neither of you have school or work.
- Have the talk in a quiet environment like the dining room or your bedroom. Turn off the TV and silence your phones.
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4Explain why you want the help. If it helps to have your notes, use them to communicate. It doesn't need to be perfect; you only need to explain why you must come to them for your request.
- Create healthy boundaries by asking your parents to give you the space to talk without interruptions or judgment. Speak your thoughts first and allow them to respond and ask questions after you're done.
- Help your parents understand that although on the outside you may look like you are doing well, you are really hurting inside. Use statements like, "Sometimes I smile when you talk to me, but inside I just feel really sad."
- Don't blame your parents for the way you feel. Instead, acknowledge that you feel this way and would like to seek outside help.
- Allow yourself as much time as you need so that the conversation does not feel rushed.
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5End the discussion if your parents do not respond well. If it appears that your parents are not being as supportive as you want them to be, it's a good idea to end the conversation by acknowledging their opinion and suggesting to talk about it more another day.
- Don't be discouraged if your parents shut you down. Learning that their child is struggling with mental health is a heavy thing, and parents often need time to digest what is happening and figure out how to best respond. In some places, therapy can also be expensive, so your parents may need to discuss the financial aspect of mental heath care as a couple.
- Find someone else you can trust, like a sibling, friend, teacher, or school counselor. Remember how strong and courageous you are to ask for help in the first place, and remember that someone will always be in your corner, even if your parents are not.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I encourage someone to get therapy?Dr. Noel Hunter is a Clinical Psychologist based in New York City. She is the director and founder of MindClear Integrative Psychotherapy. She specializes in using a trauma-informed, humanistic approach for treating and advocating for people diagnosed with mental disorders. Dr. Hunter holds a BA in Psychology from the University of South Florida, an MA in Psychology from New York University, and a doctorate in Psychology (Psy.D) from Long Island University. She has been featured in National Geographic, BBC News, CNN, TalkSpace, and Parents magazine. She is also the author of the book Trauma and Madness in Mental Health Services.Encouraging someone to consider therapy involves expressing genuine concern and sharing personal experiences in a caring manner. If you've benefited from therapy, explaining how it has helped you can be impactful. However, it's crucial to acknowledge individual differences and recognize that therapy might not be suitable for everyone. Respect the other person's autonomy and understand that readiness for therapy varies. Ultimately, therapy is just one option, and different approaches may be beneficial for each individual. Respect and support their unique journey.
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Tips
- If you need to rehearse with a trusted friend, come up with scenarios on how to respond if the conversation does not go well.Thanks
- Join online communities and forums to seek advice.Thanks
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Warnings
- Try not to get angry at yourself if things do not go as planned. Instead rely on your alternatives, those you can go to if your parents are not supportive.Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about dealing with your parents, check out our in-depth interview with Noel Hunter, Psy.D .
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