If you have done something to hurt your friend, accidentally or on purpose, don't worry. It is not too late to make things right and have your friendship be as great as it was before.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:
Gaining an Understanding
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Understand what you have done to make your friend upset. Whatever you did may have been a small deal to you, but it might have been a big deal for her. Try to put yourself in her shoes. How would you react if someone did to you what you did to her? This is essential for rebuilding your relationship.
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Talk to your friend. Do not contact her by text or email if it is avoidable. Telephone is acceptable in certain circumstances, but face to face interaction is best. When you are talking to her, explain how you feel and what you think you two should do about the situation.
- Remember to maintain eye contact the whole time if you are talking to your friend face to face.
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Be patient. Remember people may need time to get over certain events which may have transpired. If this is the case, do not push it. Just exercise patience and respect your friend's space.Advertisement
Part 2
Part 2 of 3:
Apologizing
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Think before you speak. If you are not careful and don't watch what you say, the hurt can be worse than the initial one. At the same time, don't plan too much. What you need to say to your friend can't be a speech; it has to be a sincere collection of your thoughts and feelings.
- Reader Poll: We asked 449 wikiHow readers how they would apologize to a friend, and only 6% said take them out to their favorite restaurant or activity. So, if that doesn’t work, give yourself time to cool down before engaging in conversation.
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Be ready to talk it out. Communication is key. Use this situation to not only let your friend know how much you care, but also get her side of the story so this doesn't happen again. [1] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
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Remain emotionally calm. No one wins by being irrational. Keeping a level head will prevent you from saying things that you don't mean.
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Apologize sincerely. It is important to express how sorry you are, and your willingness to do whatever it takes to prevent this situation from happening again. [2] X Research sourceAdvertisement
Part 3
Part 3 of 3:
Rebuilding the Friendship
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Leave the past in the past. After you apologize and your friend accepts it, it is important that BOTH of you move on. Constantly re-hashing old feelings will only create more arguments. [3] X Research source
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Focus on doing the things that both of you love. It is important to get back to having fun. You and this person were friends for a reason, so don't lose sight of that.
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Go slow. Sometimes after a big fight, you may have to regain your friend's trust again. Put yourself in her shoes, and that will help you deal with this situation. [4] X Research source
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Spend time focusing on some of your friend's interests. This will show your friend that you really care and that you are committed to making this friendship work. [5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to sourceAdvertisement
Community Q&A
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QuestionWhat if I send her a gift?Community AnswerYou can do that, but you should also send a note with a heartfelt apology. Make it clear that you understand that the gift will not fix everything and you're not trying to bribe her into being your friend again.
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QuestionWhat if I accidentally hurt my friend's feelings when I don't think I did anything wrong?Community AnswerAsk what you did wrong and try to fix it by correcting whatever the perceived slight was.
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QuestionHow do I get a friend?Community AnswerStart being nice to that person, and ask them if they would like to hang out with you some time in the future.
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Tips
- Remain calm. It is important not to let emotions get out of control, especially yours.Thanks
- Actions speak louder than words. If you truly are sorry, show it. Change your behavior, apologize, do something that confirms you want your friend back.Thanks
- Be a good listener.Thanks
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Warning
- If your friend has decided to move on, its best that you do as well.
- Never stalk someone, or invade their privacy.
References
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_three_parts_of_an_effective_apology
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-say-sorry-and-mean-it
- ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/building-and-maintaining-healthy-relationships
- ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/how-to-build-closer-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
About this article
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Reader Success Stories
- "After reading these inspiring articles, I am now a thousand percent ready to face my bestie and apologize. Thank you, wikiHow, I'm grateful and will continue to ask for advice when I need it." ..." more
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"After reading these inspiring articles, I am now a thousand percent ready to face my bestie and apologize. Thank you, wikiHow, I'm grateful and will continue to ask for advice when I need it."
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"I have hurt a friend accidentally and I was feeling really melancholy. But I think now I will able to deal with her. Thanks, wikiHow."
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"This gave good advice. I hurt one of my best friend's feelings, and was at a stage where I didn't know what to do."
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"I learned that you just have to talk the issue out face-to-face and with confidence."
