Assessed Criteria Unsuccessful Example Successful Example Formal writing style “Troops in the war got lots of money from the government.” “Troops in World War II received large amounts of funding and support from the British government.” Complete sentence “The dog goes a lot.” “The dog often goes to the park.” Subject/Verb agreement “Janice and I watches the lightning from our second story room.” “Janice and I watch the lightning from our second story room.” Thesis statement “I think that the problem has to do with inattentive parents.” “Parents are arguably more distracted and inattentive than in previous decades; increased cost of living and subsequent time spent at work, along with technological dependency, and popular parental philosophies restrict parents’ involvement in their children’s upbringing.” Topic sentences Introduction topic sentence: “From the dawn of time, parents have made rules for their kids.” First paragraph topic sentence: “Kids want their parents to buy them lots of things.” Second paragraph topic sentence: “Parents often watch t.v.” Third paragraph topic sentence: “Many people have opinions on how to raise children.” Conclusion topic sentence: “I think it is obvious that parents aren’t doing a good enough job.” * In addition to these topic sentences being too vague, or not making clear logical connections, it should be noted that they are also not formal enough in style. Introduction topic sentence: “From generation to generation, pressures and attitudes towards parenting has shifted dramatically.” First paragraph topic sentence: “Most prevalent in U.S. society, currently, is the demand on parents to provide financially for their children in ever-expanding ways.” Second paragraph topic sentence: “Additionally, while many parents are working longer hours, they are also engaging less with their children, opting instead to focus on screens and social media.” Third paragraph topic sentence: “Finally, in the past decade, popular parenting philosophies have encouraged parents to pull back in being hands-on, instead advocating for peer-lead growth.” Conclusion topic sentence: “It is difficult to make a sweeping generalization about current parenting practices, as they do vary from region to region, or community to community; however, the general shift towards lessened involvement of parents is notable.” Credited citation (1st time using author using MLA style) — should include author’s full name, title of published work, page number if available. Jones indicates the “influence and importance social media plays in the success of entrepreneurship” (16). In her article, “Making Money with Power,” Sandra Jones indicates the “influence and importance social media plays in the success of entrepreneurship” (16). Capitalization The Garrison at fort Worth waited seven full days before captain Ahab entered American waters. The garrison at Fort Worth waited seven full days before Captain Ahab entered American waters. Varied sentence length The water is cold. My feet became wet. I shivered all night. The river water is ice cold, largely because it is glacial fed. After I stepped in by accident, my feet became wet; I shivered all night as a result. Logic/clarity from one sentence to the next Ice cream was invented by a Dutch priest. He lived for a time in the Swiss Alps. Switzerland is cold in the mountains. Many people like ice cream. Ice cream was invented by Bronto Diente, a Dutch priest. For a time, he resided in the Swiss Alps; because the mountains in Switzerland are at a high elevation, the cold winters and snow gave Diente the idea to make an ice cold treat. Thus, because of this marvellous invention, today many people enjoy ice cream as a regular summer treat. Spelling In the spring, after teh sun comes out, we plant marigoulds in the garden. They are not perenials, so we plant new one’s each seasan. In the spring, after the sun comes out, we plant Marigolds in the garden. They are not perennials, so we plant new ones each season.