How to Be Your Own Best Friend

Co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW

Last Updated: November 13, 2024 Approved

A best friend is someone you can trust with your deepest secrets, rely on in moments of crisis and celebrate meaningful life events with. But developing the skills to be your own best friend means you can rely on your judgment and be your source of comfort when you need advice or support. Being your own best friend can also be a great way to work through feelings of loneliness, insecurity, and instability in your life. By cultivating a productive and positive self, you can learn to trust yourself consistently and turn inward to work on any issues or problems you may encounter.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Creating a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

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Spend time getting to know yourself. Think about what drives and motivates you, your likes and dislikes, and your strengths and weaknesses. We tend to look outward to figure out our tastes, ideas, goals, and pursuits, from gossip around the watercooler at work to Facebook posts and Instagram likes in the palm of our hands. But the more you understand yourself on an honest and real level, the easier it will be to like and respect yourself for who you are, rather than who you think you are according to other people, trends and circumstances in your life. ^{[1]
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- Get a pen and a piece of paper or your journal and consider prompts like, "Things I like", "Who I am right now", and "What would I tell my 99-year-old self?" Write down your answers and then read them over. These prompts should help you delve deeper into getting to know yourself.
- One-on-one therapy, as well as lifestyle workshops and clinics, can help you develop deeper self-awareness. Investigate the various self-development services available to you in your area, or online. ^{[2]
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Think about your relationships with other people. Consider how you interact with the people in your life, from your partner or your loved ones to casual acquaintances and strangers on the street. Your attitude towards others reflects on your sense of self, and good relationships in your life can serve as models for how to be your own best friend. ^{[3]
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- Write down the names of the people you consider important in your life, and why they are important to you. Think about questions like, "Why am I grateful to have these individuals in my life?" and "What would these individuals say at my funeral?" ^{[4]
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Set achievable goals for yourself. Rather than rely on others to set goals and expectations for you, create and set reasonable goals for yourself. ^{[5]
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Research source} These goals can range from small changes in your life like doing the dishes and organizing your space to larger and more challenging ones like taking a public speaking class or applying for a desirable new position or career role. By setting yourself up so you meet your expectations, you can take control of what you expect from yourself and feel good when you achieve each goal.
- To determine how achievable your goals are, consider questions like: "Is my goal specific?","Can I measure my goal?" and "Is my goal relevant to my desires and my life?"
- Keep track of your goals in a journal or diary. As you keep track of your progress, finish each entry with a positive affirmation like "I approve of myself" to reinforce personal recognition of your achievements.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: What Kind of Reality Check Do I Need?

We all have blind spots, especially when it comes to the ways we treat others (and ourselves). Unfortunately, it can be pretty tough to take an objective look at what your own weak points are. We’re here to help. Take this quiz to rip off the Band-aid and see what your blind spots really are.

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Pick a sea creature:

Sea turtle

Dolphin

Crab

Cuttlefish

Part 2

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Enjoying Your Own Company

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Get out of your comfort zone. Changing your normal routines and settings or taking yourself out of your norm completely can help you get to know yourself better.
- Take a solo trip to a foreign country or place. Solo travel is a great way to place yourself in a situation where you are navigating a new, different environment and experiencing being alone for an extended period. You will also have to develop strong independence and self-reliance, as well as an openness to the different attitudes and customs of others. ^{[6]
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- If you aren't ready for drastic alone time in a foreign country, going for a short walk around your neighbourhood alone or minimizing the distractions you have access to in your home and daily life can give help you embrace change. Even small shifts in your normal routine can allow you to challenge yourself and get to know yourself better.
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Develop daily interests you can enjoy doing alone. Cultivating a hobby you can enjoy alone or an activity that involves just you is a good way to get used to your own company and appreciate it.
- Solo activities like fishing, knitting, surfing, writing, reading, or even meditation will deepen your understanding of yourself and create meaningful alone time. It will also help you cultivate self-love, an important factor to being your own best friend. ^{[7]
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Go on a date with yourself. We have been conditioned to enjoy ourselves in the company of others, but not in the company of ourselves. ^{[8]
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- A solo date night out will help you positively enjoy your own company. Without the distraction of someone else sitting across from you, you may find you pay more attention to the movie or the band, or that you are more aware of your own opinions and perspectives on the environment around you.
- If you don’t want to go out on your own at night, try doing something during the day, such as window shopping, antiquing, or sightseeing.
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Make sure you treat yourself. All that special attention and affection you receive from a best friend? You also have the same power to do the same for yourself.
- Enjoy a relaxing massage, buy flowers for yourself, or a special gift. Random acts of kindness illustrate your love and respect yourself. ^{[9]
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Compliment yourself and mean it. In their seminal 1974 book, How to Be Your Own Best Friend , psychologists Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz discuss the value of self-worth during the process of becoming a good friend to yourself. ^{[10]
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Research source} They recommend: “when you do something you are proud of, dwell on it a little, praise yourself for it, relish the experience, take it in.” ^{[11]
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Research source} By acknowledging your self-worth and cultivating inner value, you are taking control of what makes you feel good. Rather than try to fit your choices and decisions into what someone else defines as successful or powerful, turn inward and acknowledge that you have value and meaning in the world. Don't wait for someone else to recognize your self-worth. ^{[12]
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- Complimenting yourself helps you focus on the positive aspects of your day rather than the negative. Avoid negative self-talk like calling yourself names and putting yourself down. If you wouldn't talk to a friend that way, don't talk to yourself that way! Instead, work on positive self-talk until it becomes a habit. ^{[13]
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  Research source} For example, you might say, “I rearranged my furniture in a very pleasing manner!”
- A good best friend will have a good sense of humour, so have a good-natured attitude towards yourself and the things you say, think, and do. By being positive and supportive of yourself, you won't take yourself too seriously and will be able to laugh at yourself in a healthy, helpful way. ^{[14]
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- Reader Poll: We asked 278 wikiHow readers how they build self-confidence and self-worth, and only 11% of them said Seeking therapy or counseling. [Take Poll]
  - Seeing a therapist or counselor might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you're trying to build up your confidence, but sometimes it helps to have an unbiased person to talk to.
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Work on improving your friendship every day. Whether you note any improvements or adjustments to your relationship with yourself by writing down your thoughts and challenges in a diary or journal or if you make mental notes of your journey to self-discovery, it's a good idea to track your progress as you develop your friendship with yourself.
- Notice if your sense of independence, self-worth, and self-love are positively affecting your other relationships, and helping you to achieve your goals. Consider if your fear of being alone has lessened and if you can now fully enjoy your own company.
Have a feel of what it means to understand yourself by having quiet times and just enjoying the moments you have with yourself. You'll learn a lot about yourself when you take moments of the day and do what you love. Take the time to treat yourself well as you would a great friend. You know your favourite upbeat song, the one that energizes you and makes you feel great when you hear it? Put it on repeat and dance like no one is watching! Enjoy you all by yourself! ^{[15]
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