How to Be the Guy Women Want

Everybody is different. While some have eyes for looks alone, you'll find that many prefer a partner who's more than just a pretty face. Both men and women prefer a partner that takes care of themselves, has confidence, and is emotionally open with others. By knowing how to carry yourself and treat those around you respectfully, you’ll find yourself the center of attention.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Becoming Your Most Desirable Self

  1. Strong communication skills rank in the top 10 attractive traits in a partner for both men and women, and staying open and communicative with those around you will demonstrate this strength. [1] Keep positive relations with those you meet throughout life. By showing you are friendly, honest, and always willing to lend a hand, you will always have someone willing to back you up in times of need.
    • Practice active listening. Active listening is taking the time to truly listen to what someone is saying. The goal is not to offer solutions to another's problems. Instead, you show that person that you empathize and care for them by listening to their concerns. Listen to them emotionally, not just physically, to truly communicate effectively. [2]
    • Be honest. Admit to your mistakes. Rather than hide something you are ashamed of, tell a friend or family member. This shows that you are not afraid to open up about your insecurities and are willing to seek help when needed. This helps to build trust and respect with those you care about.
    • Keep in touch with friends. Old friends and classmates are easy to keep in touch with thanks to social media sites such as Facebook. Message or call them from time to time to see what they're up to or invite them out to catch up on the time gone by. It's easy to let some friends fall by the wayside, especially when you begin raising a family or start a new job. Strike the right balance between these activities. [3]
    • Attend social gatherings. Parties, celebrations or other social activities are a great way of keeping in touch with friends and family, and showing them you care. Reserve some time in your schedule if you find free time is difficult to arrange. Create your own social gathering and invite everyone you know if you find hanging out with so many people independently from one another too overwhelming.
    • Help those in need. Build trust with your friends and family by coming to their aid in times of need. It can be as simple as keeping them company during tough times, or helping plan their wedding. When you help others, you are building a group of individuals that will be there to support you in your time of need.
  2. College and other forms of higher education are necessary for many higher paying jobs and open a variety of career opportunities that would otherwise be unavailable. Studies show that individuals who earn at least a bachelor’s degree make 65 percent more income than the median earnings of high school graduates. Take advantage of this financial benefit to build the security people desire in a relationship. [4]
    • Regularly talk to your advisor. The advisor assigned to you when you enter college will be your advisor throughout your entire college career. Speak to your advisor whenever you have questions about what direction you want your education to take. They can advise you on what classes will be useful to you after college, extracurricular activities that will look great on the resume, and internships that can give you real world experience.
    • Take a course dedicated to success in college. College’s offer courses for new students that you prepare for the work ahead. They offer study methods, tips for research and homework, how to have the right mindset and overall goal planning. This course is not mandatory at all colleges, so talk to your advisor if you want to take such a class. [5]
  3. Leave college with the same drive and determination you had as when you entered. Listen to your advisor to get a good idea of where to look for your first big job after graduation. Don’t stay too comfy once you land that job – advancing your career is a continuous process. Pursuing your career with drive is a great way of showing your commitment to security throughout your life – an attribute sought after by both men and women, according to recent studies. [6]
    • Turn career planning into a yearly event. Set some time aside each year to review your career up to the present. It’s easy to fall into the habit of reviewing your career only when you feel ready to move on, but keeping tabs on your career on a regular basis helps track your progress and identify where new opportunities are available.
    • Regular career planning also helps you identify what you enjoy and dislike about your current job. What do you want to change? What would you rather be doing? What do you absolutely need in a career? Ask yourself these questions to get a better handle on where to move next.
    • Look at the skills you’ve learned in and outside of your current job. It’s easy to forget that we learn a variety of skills in college that can transfer well into several different markets aside from your major. On top of that, there are many skills you perform regularly at your current job that can also transfer into a position that you wouldn’t think to apply for otherwise. Think about the activities you perform at work and those you performed in college and see if your resume or cover letter can’t fit a few new skills.
    • Set career goals. Update your job and career goals whenever you review your wants and needs for the year. Setting goals is the best way to create a roadmap that will help you achieve the career you want for yourself.
  4. It’s never too early to start thinking about your long term savings. Start making long term financial decisions as soon as you complete college.
    • Speak to an accountant or financial planner. A financial planner will help you create a roadmap to pay off any debt you may have, or help you save the money you need to purchase your first home.
    • Build your credit early. Apply for a credit card and start building debt as early as possible. Pay off any charges to your credit card immediately to avoid interest and accruing debt. Paying school bills or other loans will also help build your credit.
    • Set a budget. Stick to a monthly budget to avoid overspending, especially during the financially trying months after college. [7]
  5. Live according to your values . Honesty and earnestness have a direct impact on whether others find us attractive, according to some studies. [8] Don’t let your core values fall to the wayside as you move through life. If you value family and intend on raising your own someday, make decisions that allow you to have the time to do so. If spirituality plays an important part in your life, don’t compromise your beliefs in order to land a particular job. Following these values offers the personal fulfillment and connection to others that makes life worth living and marks you as an earnest individual. [9]
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Looking Presentable

  1. The same set of clothing can look great on one person and completely ridiculous on another. Identify your body “type” and wear clothes that fit it best.
    • Try not to look messy or unkempt when you head outside. After all, women will notice your appearance! [11]
    • If you have an average build (with shoulders broader than the midsection and lean legs), you have a good variety of options. Slightly oversized or skinny articles of clothing won’t look out of place on your build.
    • If your shoulders are wider than average, with a noticeably thinner waist, shirts with horizontal stripes or V-necks can help accentuate your broad features. You may need to purchase a specialized size, such as slim fit, but skinny is likely too constricting for your body type.
    • For a more rectangular or less defined build, add and accentuate definition where possible. Layer clothing, such as with knit shirts or jackets. Go for skinnier pants to help make the more layered part of your upper body appear broader. Consider sticking with slim fit to avoid clothing that hangs off of your body.
    • If you have a more pronounced midsection, remove attention from this area with black clothing, which is a slimming color. Vertical stripes can also help you appear thinner. Avoid neckties, turtlenecks and other items of clothing that can cause you to look “squeezed” at the top of your body.
    • Find a good tailor. A tailor can take your measurements and help adjust clothing to fit your body best. [12]
  2. Putting on just the right accessories can make you stand out from the crowd. Choose your accessories according to the clothing you’re wearing that day.
    • Mix and match your patterns. If you put on a tie or scarf, make sure the colors and pattern do not clash with the rest of your ensemble. You wouldn’t want to wear a vertical stripe tie with a horizontal shirt pattern, or bright neon socks with an otherwise subdued pants.
    • Contrasting color can work if you plan well. A tie with a color complementary to your shirt can help draw attention to your face, for example.
    • Pick your shoes carefully. Your shoes can contribute or detract from your overall style just as much as your hat or scarf. Choose shoes that are appropriate for the situation (such as dress shoes for a business situation), and ideally, match their color with the rest of your ensemble.
    • If you wear glasses, pick frames that accentuate the strengths in your face or detract from features you dislike. Much like your body shape, your face shape affects what frames look great on you and which may look strange. [13]
  3. Get regular haircuts to avoid a shaggy, unkempt look. Likewise, shave or trim your beard to match your intended style.
    • If growing out your hair, consider wearing a hat or tying your hair to keep it neat during the growing process.
    • Avoid particularly strong smelling deodorants and body sprays. You want people to see you coming before they smell you coming. You never know when someone will be allergic to such sprays as well.
    • Wash your clothes regularly. Iron your clothing if they become wrinkled during storage. Wrinkled clothing is distracting and can give the impression that you don’t care about your appearance.
  4. Stay fit. Exercise regularly to stay in shape and keep the extra pounds down. [14] You don’t have to be musclebound, but being able to physically perform a variety of activities such as hiking, swimming or jogging, will help you be ready for any activity that comes your way.
    • Exercise doesn’t always mean hitting the gym. Doing chores more often or walking to the grocery store instead of driving can help you build muscle naturally and is beneficial to your overall health as well.
    • Do yoga or stretching while watching television. This is an easy way of improving your health and flexibility while still indulging in a less than healthy activity.
    • Stand more often. Prolonged sitting can affect your back and give you poor posture. Whenever possible, stand while performing errands or tasks on the computer in order to relieve your back and burn some calories. [15]
  5. It goes without saying that few people enjoy the company of someone who has a slight odor about them. Cleanliness also helps you stay healthy and keeps acne and infection away.
    • Brush your teeth daily. Whether you brush twice a day or three times a day depends on the advice of your dentist. Speak to your dentist to understand how often you should brush, for how long, what flossing habits you should keep, and other tips for keeping your smile white and your teeth (and breath) fresh.
    • Take a shower at least 2 or 3 time a week. Daily showering is not strictly necessary to keep you healthy and clean (and may harm your skin and the healthy bacteria that lives there). How often you should shower depends on your own body chemistry, how active you are and what you do for a living. If you need a shower to get the stink off, feel free. Don’t be afraid to skip a day though. [16]
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Showcasing your Personality

  1. Confidence has been shown to influence performance in a number of areas. A lack of confidence on your part will affect your entire disposition and others will be able to pick up on this in your mannerisms. [17]
    • For instance, if you like a woman, take the leap and ask her out. [18]
    • Build your self-confidence. Thinking positively, daily affirmations and not comparing yourself to others all help build the self-confidence needed to be your most attractive self.
    • Though some women enjoy seeing a man take charge, don’t assume that every woman will be as receptive. There is a fine line between taking charge and simply demonstrating confidence in yourself and actions.
  2. Show respect . Nothing drives women (or anyone) away like a man who is arrogant and rude. Give respect not only to her, but to those around you as well.
    • Avoid pickup lines and being overly forward. This gives the impression that you are only interested in something physical. For example: “I lost my number. Can I have yours?”
    • Open doors and pay for the check if you are inclined, but don’t be offended if the woman would rather you not act chivalrous toward her. Acts of chivalry suppose a level of inequality or difference between man and woman – many women prefer to be treated as equals.
    • If a woman expresses her opinion or desire, don't try to change her mind. Respect her as a person.
    • Some guys aggressively follow and hit on women. This is called 'Chasing' and it is a major turn off for most women.
  3. If you ask a girl what she wants to do on a date and she doesn't give a definitive answer, plan something! Anything you choose will be better than indecisive meandering. Suggestions you offer might spark suggestions of her own.
    • For example, you might say: "Hey, I just remembered there's a new art exhibit opening down the street. Want to check it out?"
    • Bars, coffee shops or parks are all great suggestions for activities.
  4. Be charming . People can’t help but remember a charming individual. Someone with charm can win over nearly anyone with a friendly, magnetic personality.
    • Try wit. Injecting some wit into the conversation demonstrates that you are clever and have a certain wry intelligence that everyone wishes they could possess. Be careful not to push wittiness at the cost the conversation – it’s easy to come off as callous or conceited if you spend the entire time quipping.
    • Have a sense of humor. Everyone loves to laugh! Start small to test the sense of humor of the person you are with. Crossing the line of good taste is an easy way to tank your reputation and destroy any credibility that you have built.
    • Avoid making light of particularly sensitive topics. These include sexuality, politics or religion.
  5. Find out their favorite movie, their ideal date, her hobbies or what kind of upbringing she had. You want to know her as a person, and a good topic can invite discovery on both ends of the conversation. A few good conversation starters include:
    • ”How did college treat you? I never thought I would get out of there.”
    • “What did you want to be growing up? Do you think college gave you that opportunity?”
    • ”Have you lived here long? I think it has its ups and downs.”
    • ”Ever thought about moving out of state? Where would you go?”
  6. Show that you have caring side, whether it be for your family or your friends. Even if you lay the wit on thick, knowing that you are an individual capable of actual joy or love makes you a much more attractive person. [19]
    • Help others nearby who are in need of assistance. Such opportunities are numerous and can help demonstrate your propensity for helping others. For example, help someone who needs help reaching the top shelf at a store, or assist someone who appears lost and needs directions.
    • Offer to pay for a meal or hold the door for a date. Do so out of the kindness of your heart though – not because of set expectations from either party.
    • Say “Please” and “Thank you.” Basic manners go a long way in demonstrating respectfulness.
    • Don't be kind to your date and rude to everyone else – this will be noticeable!
  7. Gifts such as chocolates or flowers can help woo some women, but remember they are gifts. Women do not owe you anything in exchange for these gifts. No one wants to be around someone who whines, begs or gets angry that something didn’t go their way, or feels entitled to reciprocation.
  8. Despite your efforts, not every woman will be interested. [20] This is okay! We all have our preferences and you may not be everyone’s cup of tea. If your wiles aren’t working on a particular woman, she is probably not interested.
    • You can’t be everything to everyone. Though you might tailor your approach to someone based on how they appear, don’t change who you are as a result of failure. This is dishonest and shows a lack of confidence.
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      Tips

      • Recognize body language. A few subtle physical movements, such as pulling or looking away, can signal her discomfort with the evening.
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      • Being nice is a trait that everyone should have. While it makes you a good person, it is not a singular trait that requires a woman pay attention to you.
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      References

      1. ↑ http://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2013/6/17/do-men-and-women-prefer-different-traits-in-a-romantic-partn.html
      2. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm
      3. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallife
      4. ↑ https://trends.collegeboard.org/sites/default/files/education-pays-2013-full-report.pdf
      5. ↑ https://www.coursera.org/course/succeedincollege
      6. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886915005462
      7. ↑ http://thecollegeinvestor.com/11772/10-tips-for-financial-responsibility-while-in-college/
      8. ↑ http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0092656606000043
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201205/personal-growth-how-align-your-values-and-your-life
      1. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.
      2. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.
      3. ↑ http://www.complex.com/style/2015/04/how-to-dress-for-your-body-type-men/
      4. ↑ http://www.allaboutvision.com/eyeglasses/eyeglasses_shape_color_analysis.htm
      5. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.
      6. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3404815/
      7. ↑ http://time.com/4259559/shower-soap-hygiene/?xid=tcoshare
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beautiful-minds/201112/confidence-matters-just-much-ability
      9. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.
      10. ↑ http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886914003626
      11. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.

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