Do Guys Care About Their FWB?

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A laid-back friends with benefits (FWB) arrangement may be a breeze for you, but what about the guy you’re hooking up with? What’s going on in his head? Figuring out what’s inside of a man’s heart is actually pretty easy once you know what to look for, even if he isn't the expressive type. In this article, we’ll break down how guys experience these casual relationships, how likely they are to fall for you, and what signs you should look out for if you want to know how he feels about you.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed clinical psychologist, registered dietitian, and fitness expert, Supatra Tovar, owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Check out the full interview here.

Section 1 of 6:

Do men care at all about their FWBs?

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  1. While a guy is unlikely to develop intense romantic feelings for his FWB, there’s no doubt that he’s likely to care for them. In fact, most friends who agree to a friends with benefits arrangement end up feeling closer to one another than they did before the physical relationship started. [1]
    • Most FWB couples end up staying friends in the long run, even long after their sexual relationship ends. [2]
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Section 2 of 6:

Can guys get emotionally attached to a FWB?

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  1. Human beings are designed to feel emotionally close to people who they’re physically intimate with. There is nothing unique about men that makes them incapable of becoming emotionally invested in their FWB partner. Men may not automatically fall in love, but there’s certainly a good chance that they’ll at least become attached.
    • Your brain actually produces a hormone known as oxytocin when you’re attracted to and physically intimate with someone, and it makes you feel attached to that person. [3]
Section 3 of 6:

Do guys want an FWB arrangement to turn into a relationship?

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  1. According to some studies on FWB dynamics, roughly 1 in 5 men will become seriously attached and emotionally invested in their FWB partner. Interestingly enough, these odds don’t change all that much for other genders. All things considered, most guys are comfortable keeping an FWB arrangement casual. [4]
    • Most FWB relationships actually end because someone becomes interested in pursuing a non-FWB relationship with a new partner. It seems that an FWB fling is more likely to end than turn into something more serious. [5]
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Section 4 of 6:

Can guys have sex without catching feelings?

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  1. While it’s not particularly common for a guy to have zero feelings for someone they have a sexual relationship with, it is possible. For some men, sex and romantic feelings can be two different things. It just totally depends on how a guy’s unique experiences influence the way he feels. [6]
    • Friends with benefits relationships can be complicated, and different people experience these arrangements in their own unique ways. If a guy says he’s not catching feelings, your best bet is to believe him.
    • You might think sleeping with another friend will ruin your friendship. While that’s certainly possible, there isn’t a ton of good evidence that this happens all that often. [7]
Section 5 of 6:

Signs Your FWB Is Falling for You

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  1. If he starts to get kind of twitchy and upset when you mention going on dates or he catches you swiping on Tinder, it’s a massive sign that he’s got romantic feelings for you . An FWB who isn’t interested in taking things to the next level wouldn’t have strong feelings about you hanging out with other guys. [8]
    • If he asks a ton of questions about what you’re doing in your spare time or who you’re hanging out with, it’s a good sign that he’s got a little bit of jealousy.
    • If a guy doesn’t seem particularly bothered when you bring up seeing other guys, he may not be romantically interested in you.
  2. If the two of you are starting to talk every single day and your conversations are starting to trend towards the deeper side, it’s a sign that he’s emotionally invested in you. An FWB who didn’t care deeply wouldn’t go out of his way to spend hours talking on the phone or texting. [9]
    • If he only hits you up when he wants to hook up, it’s very unlikely he’s interested in a serious relationship.
  3. If this were purely a physical thing, he wouldn’t bother trying to bring you around the people who matter most to him. If he’s introducing you to friends and family, it’s a sign that your lives are starting to intertwine. This is a big stepping stone for serious couples, and the fact that he values you enough to take this leap with you means a lot. [10]
    • If you feel like he’s keeping you at an arm’s length and he refuses to bring you around his friends, he may just want to stay FWB.
  4. These little signs mean a lot. Pet names and “I miss yous” are the kind of thing dedicated couples use to show affection, so if he’s comfortable enough to use them with you, he probably cares about you. If the relationship were purely physical for him, he wouldn’t go out of his way to play cute or flirt with you. [11]
    • If he just talks to you like you’re “one of the guys,” it probably means that doesn’t think of you in a romantic way.
  5. This is an especially powerful sign if he wants to hang out even when it’s obvious there’s going to be no sex involved. The main point of an FWB arrangement is that you can get your rocks off without bothering with all that lovey-dovey stuff, but if he wants to spend a ton of time with you, he’s almost certainly interested. [12]
    • Pay attention to what kind of events he invites you to. If there are any intimate nights out together, or he wants you to be his date to the prom, he’s probably into you.
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Section 6 of 6:

Is an FWB relationship a good idea?

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  1. Every relationship doesn’t have to be super serious, and there’s nothing wrong with hooking up with a friend on a consistent basis. While it isn’t always going to be the case, most people who enter an FWB relationship with a healthy, respectful attitude end up leaving the relationship feeling good about it. [13]
    • If you’re going to have a healthy FWB relationship, set clear boundaries before you start anything and communicate openly about what is or is not acceptable.
  2. Some people may not be comfortable in a casual FWB arrangement, and that’s okay! If you tend to be anxious or feel insecure when you date someone, a casual FWB relationship may be difficult for you. Similarly, if you often get attached very quickly to people, it can be hard to not be official with an intimate partner. [14]
    • If you’re thinking about starting a casual fling with someone but you’re hesitant because you’re not sure if it’s right for you, don’t force it. Entering an FWB arrangement requires openness, confidence in the decision, and self-assurance.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/202007/the-pros-and-cons-being-friends-benefits
      2. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23979784/
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-navigate-friends-with-benefits
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/202007/the-pros-and-cons-being-friends-benefits
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/me-we/201502/what-it-really-means-be-friends-benefits
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-communication/202203/6-rules-being-friends-benefits
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-communication/202203/6-rules-being-friends-benefits
      8. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/male-body-language/
      9. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/someone-likes-you/
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8320759/
      4. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23979784/
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-navigate-friends-with-benefits#tips

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